Yeah, you make a lot of good points. What you are saying, in a nutshell, is that if the differences are only minor, you also need to live and let live, particularly if you both have a reason to be together that is valuable to yourselves and everyone else.
Maybe I can add a few more details here. It's just...
It's the type of situation where... there has always been something angsty in our friendship anyway, although in the early days, I guess our primary focus was on fandoms and mutual family problems. Which... as another friend kinda pointed out, fanfic writing and RPing is alright for children, but... once you grow up (or at least should be grown up) well... it's okay to still be interested in that if you want to, but it can no longer be treated as a central part of your life.
And it's just... I don't know her family, and she doesn't know mine, even if she's mentioned me to her parents and I've mentioned her to mine. (We live far away from each other, btw) And... it USED to be, years ago, that we were part of the same social group community online, knew the same people, did similar things, but... these days, those other people are no longer around or even interested in being around us, and... I don't know any of her present-day friends, she doesn't know any of mine.
And... since her friends seem to be more web-based, and in areas I'm not interested in being, and more of mine seem to be RL buds and general interest in my family. Especially since my family gets along a lot better these days than we used to, she... well, her issues with her family don't seem to have changed that much.
So in a nutshell... we both first met when we were obsessed with a certain fandom, (to the point of following it religiously) and loved hanging out in the same internet community. These days.... it somehow seems like I've evolved into different things, (I approach fandoms more casually, I'm not interested in RPing anymore, and I have a lot more responsibilities than I used to) but... although a FEW things have changed for her... she still spends quite a bit of her time doing fandom-related things on the computer.
And... it also seems like we have very different political views, her being a Trump fan and me being a Biden fan, but... I have made it a point to not bash Trump around her or say anything negative about him, for her sake, but she apparently feels that it's okay to talk about Trump like he's almost Jesus and that Biden is just the scum of the earth.
I suppose this sort of thing is normal, when... you have one person who's ultra-conservative (her) and one person who's middle-of-the-road-leaning-liberal (me), but... I dunno.
She did say that she's cool with having friends who are of different political affiliations, but... I guess I also just feel like it gets on my nerves when she just sees things in a completely black and white "this person is good and innocent of all charges, this other one is evil" without taking into consideration that BOTH have their flaws.
(NOTE: I am NOT trying to turn this into a political debate thread, and I don't want to talk about my political affiliation any further. I'm just trying to give a solid example here, to express the reasons why I feel this friendship... might not be working out.)
But another thing is just...
Just to elaborate a little further on something... Well, I think part of the issue I have is that we seem to have drastically different preferences for... humor. I'm that type of person who has an inappropriate sense of humor, to the point where... I can even get a bit gross or vulgar sometimes, although I have been around people who don't mind it, and I'm just careful not to cut loose around those who don't appreciate the same sense of humor. I mean, I think it's cool to use clean jokes around people, too, because they can be funny as well.
However, after she complained about some of my inappropriateness, I then tried at a later point in time to share some adorable and funny cat videos with her that I thought might even make her laugh if she just gave them a chance... and she didn't even look at them. I tried maybe three or four times, then gave up.
Though to be fair, she also pointed out (rightfully so) that whenever she tried to show me something, I wouldn't look at it. But to be fair... at least the clips I try to share with her are only a few seconds, or three minutes at most. She tends to drop things into the chat window that are sometimes an hour long, and.... am I seriously supposed to drop whatever else I'm doing or put the convo window on pause, watch that, and then come back to her to talk about it? Especially if the subject matter isn't something I'm overly interested in atm?
And the last time I really talked to her a few nights ago... well, maybe I was treading into muddy waters anyway because I ended up touching upon something that is still a sensitive issue for her.
But basically, I was browsing through her Deviantart gallery because I wanted to reminiscence and be nostalgic. For a little bit, it worked, because it gave both of us at least a little opportunity to be a bit sentimental of the good ol' days, I think. But then...
I touched briefly upon her OCs she was planning to use for an original novel she never wrote. I asked her why she never wrote it. She was like, "Nobody would have liked it anyway" and told me what it was gonna be about. I tried to be neutrally encouraging. She said, "Don't lie to me and tell me you like it when you don't." So.... I admitted that maybe I didn't find it all that interesting, but I tried to implicate that the subject matter just wouldn't have been my cup of tea, etc. Then she was finally like, "Don't say anything more and risk offending me."
So I dropped it and changed the subject, unsure what else to do or say.
I do find it interesting when you said that certain aspects of my issues involving her aren't my responsibility, because... responsibility in general is something I have been thinking about a lot lately, especially since... I have sometimes been told by people that I'm not very responsible, especially when it comes to some of my actions, decisions and the handling of my emotional reactions.
Though I've also been told I lack awareness....
Though I'm trying to be at least a bit better about all that.
Thing is... it just seems like... I grew up in an atmosphere where it seems like you're supposed to be at least sorta responsible, especially if someone guilt-trips you.
And... it just sorta seems like... this person is pretty good at being guilt-trippy sometimes. When I chose to get rid of Twitter, she got really mad at me and even tried to coax me into getting it back while there was still time to reverse the decision. When I didn't, she got miffed again.
Later, I did tell her that I felt hurt when she acted like that, because it felt like she cared more about me being on Twitter to be with her than looking out for my own mental health, when I had already explained to her the reasons why I felt Twitter was bad for me. And she replied, "The only reason I got mad was because that was one of the only places I could talk to you anymore."
But... it also seems like she doesn't really want to compromise much on her end, either.
I explained to her that keeping communication strictly to email might be best, because it's too much temptation for me to get into the one-sided rambly habit that she can't handle, and it's how I talk to everyone else anyway. She doesn't seem interested in emailing me back, and would prefer me to be on Discord.
I told her that I won't be on Discord again anytime soon, but we can email.... she hasn't responded.
In some ways... I still don't see how this is gonna work out. She just seems to want what she wants, and although she says she wants to be friends and she has established a clear, healthy boundary... and I am also trying to state, and show her, what is healthy for me and what would work for me... it's almost like she wants me to be something else, and... she sorta wants things her way.
At least she's being a bit more mature about it this time, because the last time I tried to set a boundary of my own, and tell her that I didn't want to do Facebook messenger chats or as much Skype-chatting anymore, but I wouldn't mind talking on Deviantart.... she responded by blocking me on Deviantart and leaving Facebook and Skype open.
This time... she just seems to be responding with silence.
I dunno. Any thoughts?