Heeven wrote:Perhaps us unfeeling robots think that we ourselves should be responsible for our own children and not expect others (yes, even family) to take on that responsibility. The vast majority of families are very loving, sharing and are happy to help each other. That is a gift not a given. Perhaps sometimes we expect too much and appreciate too little.
I believe that my posts were misunderstood. My original post was about my brother, not me. Both of us have taken full responsibility for our children. Neither of us expect any handouts from anyone. If we expected our parents to take on our responsibility, we wouldn't even bother to have two income families to insure that our children are financially supported. My brother's family and mine both tried very hard to adjust our work schedules so a parent could be able to care for our children. At times, schedules do clash and help is definitely needed.
I left my children alone to fend for themselves because I had no other choice. In order to take full responsibility for my children, I also had to go to work and make sure there was food on the table and a roof over our heads. I lost both job and apartment over this. They weren't mature enough, but old enough to be left alone through a work shift.
I accepted no for an answer from my mother and laid no guilt trip on her at all. My brother doesn't either. While my children were left alone, my parents are retired and live very close. They are financially secure. They have plenty of time on their hands. Why is it asking too much for family help when desperately needed so that you can be a responsible parent? I always appreciated any help I got. I never took my parents for granted. My brother and his wife don't either.
We aren't people to be equated with welfare recipients that think it is a given right that food and shelter be automatically provided for us at the expense of many. Both of us worked for everything we have. Would we get more respect from people if we went on welfare and didn't bother our parents because we didn't have to work for food to feed the family?
Personally speaking, I do feel family obligation, whether it be helping elderly parents, grandparents, or grandchildren. I didn't have to be asked when my 90 year old grandmother called telling me she broke her wrist and wanted to go to the hospital. This was the understatement of the century. She smashed her wrist. I knew immediately it would require surgical repair and she would be in a lot of pain. I took her into my home without being asked.
I even slept with her at night on my fold out couch bed because she was so tanked on Percocet that she was not safe walking without assistance. Her house has too many steps. Her bathroom is on the second floor. My house has a half bath close to the living room and two small, separated steps to get to a car. My home was much safer than hers. I immediately took her home with me after spending the night at her house, with way too many dangerous steps just to get to the bathroom or car.
My mother also refused help with her own mother, leaving me running a nursing home. She reluctantly agreed to take her to doctors appointments, which was the only break I got.
I did the right thing. I helped my ill behaved grandmother because I do love her, no matter how bad she can act. I love my mother also and would do the exact same for her, even though she probably would never do the same for me. I could have not been bothered by family also. My grandmother would have been sent to a nursing home, which would have horrified her. Broken bones heal in time. She wishes to live independently as long as possible at the age of 90. I spared her from a lot of fear and stress by being there with emotional support and helping her through a very difficult time.
My mother is not in the best of health. Her 90 year old mother has fewer problems. I have been there two times in emergency situations that required a 911 call. My mother is diabetic and abused her body for too many years. She has a nonfunctional thyroid and suffers all the long term problems of diabetes, cardiac, circulation, and amputation. I brought my kids to the hospital with me. Sorry kids, but live through it. This is part of life, getting old and your health does leave you. My kids needed to learn compassion and the truth about life. We don't live forever and will have big problems in later years. They did learn. They were there too.
The nurses looked at me like I was insane snuggling up to her in a hospital bed because I was exhausted and she was about to have a lower leg amputation over an infected toe. Someone must have been watching over us. She only had a toe and portion of her foot amputated. Can you imagine the horror of losing your leg? I made sure that I spent every second I could with her, even if the nurses looked at me like I was insane stuffing my way in next to my mother in a hospital bed. She needed someone to help her through this. I was there, with kids. I brought snacks, toys, or anything I thought might keep them entertained. My kids were there too. They learned something very valuable by this experience.
Does this sound like a selfish person who expects without appreciation? If I willingly, without ever being asked, helped my elderly family through fearful issues and stayed with them to the point of exhaustion, why can't my mother watch my brother's kids when there is a conflict in schedule without complaining?
Are we throw aways the second we are in need? No one wants to be bothered to help. No one wants to be in the position of having to ask for help either. It is an inconvenience. What kind of person can really ignore the needs of their children who are trying very hard to make it?
Economics have changed. It is about impossible for the traditional stay at home mother and a man to provide the income necessary to support everyone. Sorry, but most jobs don't pay this much. Women are expected to financially contribute in today's culture. Enable your children to be responsible adults without treating them and grandchildren as a waste of your valuable time. Help your elders when they need it. It is the right thing to do, not a selfish expectation.
You may live to regret the things in life you didn't do a whole lot more than the things you did do. Who could ever regret helping someone in need? You may very well live to see the day you regret being so selfish and self centered that you couldn't find the time to be bothered with your family. If you can't see something wrong with this picture of not helping family in need, you better worry about the day you meet your maker. This is so wrong.