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Should I send a gift? And if so, when?

 
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jul, 2012 05:50 pm
@Butrflynet,
Quote:
A way to have it both ways might be to include a P.S. in your next communication with the aunt that says something to the effect "I heard (Mo's bio mom) got married recently. Please pass our family's congratulations and well wishes on to her."


We see Aunty all the time. She's family, really. We see her and talk to her more than any other member of any of our families. I guess I don't see a big difference between sending our regards and sending our regards and a small gift.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Jul, 2012 06:03 pm
@boomerang,
All right.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Jul, 2012 07:45 pm
Do you know what I'd want after I got my life re-settled with a great partner??

I'd like my life to be really made whole and to be the way it was supposed to be before everything seemed to go so wrong.

I'd like to have my child back now.

(been there, done that)

Joe(Leave things be)Nation
boomerang
 
  4  
Reply Fri 27 Jul, 2012 07:50 pm
@Joe Nation,
That's YOUR situation. Not mine.
jcboy
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jul, 2012 07:58 pm
If she is family and I wasn’t invited to the wedding I’d probably still send a gift, but that’s just me.

I don’t have many family members, with the exception of my new family of in-laws.

My dad’s younger brother is still alive and I detest the man. If he ever re-marries I’ll send him a gift but it will be something I was sure he would hate.

I’m a spiteful little bitch!
Cool
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jul, 2012 08:01 pm
@jcboy,
She isn't family in the biological sense of the word -- we're not related to her in any legal way.

But I think of her as family.
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Sat 28 Jul, 2012 04:29 pm
Im with the not at the wedding people.

A gift referencing your pre-Mo relationship sounds perfect.
0 Replies
 
iubatvut
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jul, 2012 12:52 am
@ehBeth,
yeah, you should send gift. hope your relationship status will be cool
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jul, 2012 02:24 am
@boomerang,
Boomerang.

I'll get shot for this.. I keep thinking about this thread.

Go with your gut feeling. I feel that you want to do this for other reasons, or should I say additional reasons, you know? Like getting her back into your life, you miss her, whilst also not wanting her back into your life because Mo is your be all and end all. This is difficult.. But, I just think your heart wants to do this for all reasons and so it should just do it.

What someone else thinks doesn't matter, this came from your thoughts, heart..

Just be prepared for the outcome, good or bad...

0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  4  
Reply Sun 29 Jul, 2012 04:19 am
@boomerang,
Quote:
Would it maybe be better to send a gift with Aunty at a slightly later date?


I think this is the balance of wisdom. By sending a gift, you are expressing your generous nature and your continuing affection for her. By doing so in a discrete manner, you avoid obtruding on the event.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Jul, 2012 04:37 am
@boomerang,
Good.
I'm just thinking out loud based on what you've said in this thread and before.

My advice remains, if you send anything, for you to send a card later wishing them both all the happiness in the world and nothing more.

(The picture frame is a gift to her, not the couple. I've always been told that gifts to the bride are given at showers. No?)

If you do something else, as someone else just said, just be ready for whatever happens next.

Joe(I wish YOU the best)Nation
0 Replies
 
Nana7
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2012 03:53 am
@boomerang,
You can make your aunt on your behalf to send a gift, if you feel embarrassed.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  5  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2012 06:19 pm
I didn't make a decision before seeing Aunty yesterday.

I decided to wait and talk it over with my mom, who I'll be seeing later this week. Mom was kind of my role model in all this, I guess.

She married my dad, a widower, when my brother (dad's kid) was three. My brother's mom's family was so seamlessly woven into our lives that I was really never aware that those people weren't my grandparents too. Grandpa was dead but he'd been married twice and both of his wives were my Grandmas.

These women treated me and my siblings equally. My brother didn't get special treatment based on some biological connection.

Maybe I'm naive or maybe my family was ahead of its time with its ability to not see children as possessions.

Maybe mom will know what to do.
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2012 08:03 pm
@boomerang,
Quote:
mom will know what to do.


Joe(yup)Nation
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  3  
Reply Thu 9 Aug, 2012 06:05 pm
My mom thought it was weird that I even questioned whether I should send a gift. "Of course you should send a gift, don't be silly" she said.

She did suggest I send a photo album instead of a frame though, since I don't know B___'s decor. I think that's a good idea.

So I guess that's settled......
0 Replies
 
 

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