Family torn apart by my sister

Anything is possible not knowing your family history however does she still have some network of friends that you know that you could reach out to in order to find out what is going on?

I can think of all kinds of reasons to break ties to a family but my concern if I was you would be that her husband is isolating her and that is not a good indication.

If she still maintaining contacts with old friends as that would be a good sign.

Hell have one of those old friends contact her to see if she is all right for that matter.

Sounds fishy to me.

She really does have a duty to tell SOMEONE what's up and why she has cut off ties with everyone, including you.

I know a situation like this and it is the spouse who has talked him into shunning his entire family. The wife has a control problem and he's too weak to stand up to her. There is also a fundmentalist religion issue going on.

Contact the husband. You may get a clue about what's going on just by what he says.

OR, it could be that you and your family are the other side of the card.

You know, when people talk about how for years, all through their childhood, etc. things were screwed up with their families, and they finally get up the gumption, sometimes through the help of therepy, to cut their losses.

You could be one of the families they are talking about.

Maybe she's found a satisfactory, nay, happy life on her own.

Perhaps the closeness you say you felt was your impression, not hers.

It isn't like someone would cut ties with their family, and the family would say "oh yeah, I could see how she would do that, we were really holding her back from her happiness"
They would want their hostage back.

Ask her.

Joe(and just listen to what she says.)Nation

I was thinking similar - but thinking under the circumstances write a letter. But be careful - don't attack her or anything. Just be honest and sincere. You really thought you were close and feel you are drifting apart...you want to re-connect - is there a reason you are being distant?

Try to be as unjudgemental as you can be - because it seems to me you want to see and spend time with her.

My sister and I were very close.I am 5 years older than her. We had a normal childhood. Growing up in Mumbai and we both went to a nice school. Life was good. My parents worked very hard to give us a good education and mum tried to make us realise how important it is for girls to be independent.
Then she went to college and met this guy she is now married to. She was always at the top of her class from a very young age. Soon she stopped studying. She failed her exams and lost a year. She never really got back to her real self. She was always moody. Wanted to be left alone. I got married moved to Chennai. I called her over to live with me for a while as I missed her. She seemed quiet cheerful. We did the usual girlie things, went shopping, eating out, cinema.
Things seemed to be getting normal. I also met her boyfriend. He seemed nice. My sister has always been very shy. She only had a few friends. He never encouraged her to do anything by herself. He always chaperoned her everywhere.I found it a bit stifling. I voiced my opinions to her.
She just said he loved her a lot and was protective. I didn't pay much thought to it. We stayed in touch, talked regularly and still cared for each other.
I then came to London for work with my son and as I was missing her I asked here to come and visit me. She had just finished her Engineering Degree by then. She was contemplating studying further maybe a masters or an MBA. After a few enquiries she found a Masters in Finance Portsmouth Uni. My dad paid a lot of money so that she could study and said he would support her while she was studying. I helped her financially for 2 years while she was a student. I found out that her boyfriend also managed to find a scholarship for the same university and that they were living together. She asked me not to tell dad as it would upset him. I kept my mouth shut. It wasnt for me to tell my dad. But it was her responsibility to tell him. I did visit her every now and again and she seemed ok. She had 1 friend and I met her once when she invited her over one evening while I was visiting her. My sister seemed happy.I was never sure of her boyfriend but as long as she was happy I didnt mind.
About 2 years ago I got a call from here. she said to me that she is getting married to her boyfriend!! I said mum and dad dont ever know!! I called her boyfriend and I told him to go see mum and dad and do the decent thing and ask for her hand. He said he is not going to do that. No reason given. They said mum and dad are not invited to the wedding. I said they dont even know you are getting married! But the irony was lost on them. I refused to go to the wedding. After the wedding she called and told mum and dad that shes married and is going to settle here on Portsmouth with her husband. She claimed that we would have stopped her from getting married and she didnt want us doing that! My parents pleaded and said that they are happy that shes happy but they would want to throw a party for our relatives to tell evryone that their daughter is now married. Her husband refused to attend any function thrown by my parents. And refused to speak to them. I called and spoke to him. He was all polite and gracious on the phone and invited me over to their house. I saw my sister after a long time. She seemed very quiet and subdued. She was not her usual self. She seemed to sleep a lot. I was worried that he was probably drugging her. She went to bed at 8 pm. Her husband said he has some work to attend to and left. I searched the house for anything suspicious ( I know some of you are raising your eyebrows now, but I just did what I thought was right under the circumstances.) but didnt find anything. I put down her being sleepy to maybe a very busy day. The next day she was quiet again and she didnt want to do anything. I left after lunch. I was quiet tearful but she was quiet stoic didnt want to give me a hug. I tried calling her after a few days and she kept ignoring my calls. A few months passed. Then out of the blue her husband called me and says that we now have a baby boy. He said my sister was suffering from depression. So he asked her not to talk to me!! He said she is undergoing therapy and her therapist adviced her that she souldnt talk to us. I said I grew up in the same household and I need to speak to her therapist. He did not give me the number. He however invited us over to see his son. I promptly went the next day. I found my sister looking quite sad and tired. I implored her to talk freely to me. She said shes fine. I told her to tall mum and dad about the baby. That its not fair to them they would only be happy for her. she said shell think about it. She avoided talking to me and slept early ( which I understand as looking after a baby is tiring) Again I was quiet tearful whilst leaving but she seemed very detached and distant. She did not accept my next few phone calls. She sent me a text to say that we should not talk to each other as I dont understand her!! I kept asking her what she means but she refused to elaborate.
She stopped talking to me since then!
I am very worried about her. I think he has brain washed her. There must be something I can do? I am at loss!

Ive tried to contact the husband but hes not taking my calls. Ive sent emails to my sister and Ive had no replies!!

Would be nice to know that we were wrong. that we were the perpetrators that pushed her away. But its not the case. I know its hard to some to comment on a form like this as you really dont know the whole story, but I really need to ask someone. Didnt now where or who to turn to.

Sounded immediately to me like it was that the Husband is controlling her, telling her things about you guys to destroy what you had before. It's a common enough event, and that's really scary. Sort of cultish. Not to sound overly-dramatic, but you might need an intervention. I'd do it if it were someone I cared about.

Tough situation all around. She may well be depressed but that doesn't mean he isn't the source of her depression. She may be depressed and he's a loving husband who is as worried about her as you are. From what you've said it sounds like the first reason is more probable than the second.

Have you ever met any of her neighbors? Does she work outside the home? Does she take her son to the park? Is there anyone who has seen her leave the house/apartment? Perhaps you or a private investigator can ask around to see if she has any life whatsoever beyond sleeping and being at home.

My my not knowing what the family history and background happen to be you are just assuming it is the husband doing and they should intervene.

In my own family history in order to keep his married together my father cut all ties with his parents and sadly did not even knew when his mother pass away however it was not the doing of my mother but the actions of my father parents that force the issue.

Even when it may be justify the likely outcome is not good to say the least.

Could the husband be very possessive and abusive?
Something doesn't add up here. Your sister was so close with you and her
parents, studied for her MBA and then all of a sudden is withdrawn and cuts off her parents. Abusers usually have a pattern of isolating their victims from their family and friends. They can be very charming and deceiving and no one ever would suspect anything.

I assume you are in India. Is your sister's husband from a different cast?

I totally agree with JPB, hire an investigator. Not only to find out about your sister, but you need to know about the husband to. What does he do? Where does he work? Who does he hang out with? Is she really going to therapy?
You might want to hire someone in India as well. You'll need to know more about his history. You have to know what you're up against.
If possible, sneak her a pre-paid phone. Never call it - turn off the ringer and buzzer. Let her call you. She will.
She sounds depressed and oppressed.
Your sister is not behaving normally, in any culture or place.
I'm sorry, but this situation does not sound good at all. I really hope you can find some help. I think you're going to need it. Men like him can be dangerous to other people as well.
It's not just your sister now, she has a child.
Good luck.

I live in London. Ive lived here for 12 years now. And its home for me and my son. My sister lives in Portsmouth with her husband and son. They have set up their own business. Now her husband has managed to set up one in Singapore and they are financially very stable. My mum and dad are based in Mumbai.
Just to update all, she called my parents yesterday. As it so happens my mum called a firend of hers from college to find out anout my sister as they hadnt heard from here in weeks. My mum was very worried. My parents are growing old and as we all know sometime elderly people get a bit anxious. Her friend must have called her and she blew up on my parents. She accused my mum of being controlling and very bad mum! She used abusive language and talked filth to my dad as well. She said she dosent want anything to do with them. My dad wanted to see his grandson, she refused saying that she dosent want her son to see anyone from her side of the family.
This has now hurt my parents to such an extent that they couldnt even talk to me when I called them in the morning. I cant bear this any more. I am at work but cant concentrate. My little one is at hom as its summer holidays and I cannot relax with him as Im worried about mum and dad. And also my sister. Please help! There must be some one I can approach? Surely!

Yes he is of a different caste. But it dosent matter as that was not an issue at all. We come from a broadminded family and our family is quiet multi cultural. Most of my cousins are abroad and are married to either Americans/Australians.
Really pissed that I cant find an answer to all my problems.

I am so sorry this is happening to your family. Keep in close touch with your Mom and Dad, comfort them. Be as good and true as is possible (and DON'T miss a moment of being joyful with your kiddo. Big mistake.)

The hardest lesson in the world to learn is we cannot make love stay.

But we can love: love your parents, love your family.

This will pass, hopefully while there is still time for your parents.

Joe(♥)Nation

Thanks for your kind words.

Could you reach out to your sister? Maybe - not attack her or say anything negative about how she acted toward your parents - more so you can at least maintain contact so you can feel at least she is ok. Or so your sister can feel she can reach out to some one if she needs to.

Maybe just say you love her and want to have contact with her.

Ive done that. Ive sent her texts and also called her a few times. But she ignores all my texts and calls. She sent me a one liner saying " Its best that we dont talk"
I feel abandoned. I took care of her for 2 years supported her financially for 2 years while she was in college. I bought her clothes and food and gave her spending money not only to her but her boyfriend as well. I didnt want the money back, I did it coz I loved her. And now shes cast me away
Wouldve been nice to knwo where Id made a mistake. I dont recollect betraying her by telling my parents she was living with him. I was always on her side. So Im confused about her behaviour.