Family torn apart by my sister

@ToniS,

I don't want to alarm you - but this line....

" Its best that we dont talk"
worries me. Besides what some others say about hiring a private investigator - do you think you could? - try just texting or leaving her a message back simply saying. I do love you and no matter what any time you need me or change my mind, no questions asked, just contact me.

That way if there is something wrong (ie her husband not allowing her/she has a change of heart) - she will know that you are there for her.

And I'm sorry for you and your family - it really sounds terrible for you all.

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@ToniS,

She says "It's best that we don't talk."
Your answer ought to be, "Whenever you are ready to begin again, I'll be here."

You are not abandoned, you have your family and friends (and, godhelpyou, us) Cool

One hint: Stop making laundry lists of what you did for her. It's a useless occupation of your mind and time.

Let me tell, so far, no one is dead. Let things be as they are.

You may never hear from your sister again, but your life and loves are not diminished by that, they can only be diminished if you spend time not loving those who do love you.

Always be the first one to be kind, never be the one who lets anyone guilt them into being untrue to themselves.

She'll call.
Ask "How are you?"

Joe(listen)Nation

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@ToniS,

ToniS wrote:

He was all polite and gracious on the phone and invited me over to their house.

I saw my sister after a long time. She seemed very quiet and subdued. She was not her usual self. She seemed to sleep a lot. I was worried that he was probably drugging her. She went to bed at 8 pm. Her husband said he has some work to attend to and left. I searched the house for anything suspicious ( I know some of you are raising your eyebrows now, but I just did what I thought was right under the circumstances.) but didnt find anything. I put down her being sleepy to maybe a very busy day. The next day she was quiet again and she didnt want to do anything. I left after lunch. I was quiet tearful but she was quiet stoic didnt want to give me a hug. I tried calling her after a few days and she kept ignoring my calls.

A few months passed. Then out of the blue her husband called me and says that we now have a baby boy. He said my sister was suffering from depression.

So he asked her not to talk to me!! He said she is undergoing therapy and her therapist adviced her that she souldnt talk to us.

I said I grew up in the same household and I need to speak to her therapist. He did not give me the number.

was it really a couple of months between the visit and the birth of the baby? in that case, her tiredness during that visit makes sense

depression following the birth of a child isn't uncommon

you have no right to speak to her therapist without your sister's express written permission - even asking would be seen as quite inappropriate - your brother-in-law was quite right not to give you the #

it could be that your sister truly is depressed and seeking treatment. when she is ready she will reach out to family, if that is what she wants

it's absolutely fair to be concerned. you've already done most of what you can - in terms of letting her know that you love her and that you will be there if/when she reaches out to you.

I'm not sure what putting an investigator on would give you.

Chai could be right.
Your brother-in-law could be right.
Other posters could be right that she is being controlled by her husband.
What is seen by the investigator could easily be the same in all three cases.

Family torn apart by my sister

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