First impression screw-up... Need help!!

I had only skimmed this the first time -- it was hard to read! Just read it more carefully.

You say that you've been involved in drama before. It sounds like you need to take things waaaaaay slower in general. People get uncomfortable if someone seems overly enthusiastic or overly needy, and I think this minor problem was then compounded by how you reacted to it (with all of the explanations and apologies).

I think you can generally dial things down, including not sending friend requests to people you don't actually know.

You could go to an entirely different barn, but it sounds like you really like this one, and it also sounds like you have a basic approach that can cause problems. From what you've said so far, I think just put your head down and be a great, respectful student, and if you're asked about the whole "online stalker girl" thing be a bit rueful about it and say something like, "I found this barn and it seemed like someplace I really wanted to go, then I got a bit over-enthusiasic, I get why people were put off by that and I feel kinda bad about it." Don't go overboard with the apologies, just own that you came off as a little creepy, and you regret that.

Change their mind on what? But the problem is my parents weren't too keen about this place because of it's location; it's like 15/16 miles away from my house and if you do the math, dropping me off going back home, going back picking me up and back home, it's quite a hike. I don't have my license yet, so I won't be the one doing the driving. Also I got really anxious but yet angry and frustated with my parents because on one of our trips going to the barn, my mom got the barn's number but never called it. It's also partially because my behavior what my mom says to me. So I think that's why she won't call also what I just said about the miles. She said once a month but SHE never got on with it. But thankfully my dad gave in and said once a week, I just don't know when i'm actually starting. I'm only 15, withouta license or car. If I did have both, calling and getting on with it wouldn't of had been an issue. I would've called right away once I got that number. But no, my mom does a whole lot of procrastinating it seems too. Lacey needs to realize that, she actually SHOULD when she knew I was 15. I can't call a place and schedule things. That's my parents job cause' i'd have no way of getting there other than them transporting me.

Thank you! That's what I wanted/needed to hear. Someone told me something like this yahoo answers, and I agree. I really was. I ruin so much, it's absolutely frustrating... If only I could go back and start again... UGH. The awful mistakes that people make these days... But you learn from your mistakes, right? This was just a complete stupid one that should've been thought about twice. I ruined so many open doors for me. Making friends, becoming apart of this barn as a good person, etc.... :/

OK, that's some new information. You're putting too much responsibility on the barn, though.

You also seem to be assuming that we have knowledge of how this whole system works. As far as I can tell:

- You want to take riding lessons once a week
- You need to be evaluated before you can take those lessons
- You haven't scheduled an evaluation yet

If that's the case, just put a hold on everything and focus on your mom. Your dad seems onboard already. Say to your mom, "Is there anything I can or should be doing to help you come to a final decision about the barn?" I assume they're paying -- is it expensive? Your mom might not want to pay a lot of money for a nice barn when you already had to leave one because of drama. (Is that what "It's also partially because my behavior what my mom says to me" means? I wasn't sure.)

Then IF your mom gives a final go-ahead, then either call, yourself, or have your mom call to set up the evaluation. (15 seems old enough to make the arrangements yourself, but not before getting official approval from your mom.)

Well, no, it's not necessarily that big of a deal. It CAN be, if you keep making it into a huge deal. If you just dial things down from now on, you might fit in just fine. You might not, either, though -- no promises.

But I can pretty much promise that if you keep treating this as a huge drama, it will stay a huge drama.

One more question -- does the evaluation cost money?

Is there a reason you can't schedule the evaluation, and then go from there?

As in, does the evaluation decide whether you're accepted into the barn, or does it just determine what level you go into, something like that?

Horseback riding is a bit expensive. It's $50 a lesson, but both my parents can handle that with no problem, they've done it before. And kinda I guess... It's more of my behavior at home in which she's talking about. Like when I don't listen to things she says, or follow what her and my dad say to me. But i've really been trying. It's not so easy listening to someone who you honestly don't get along with that much, and struggle with their personality lol. I've been fairly good this week, so i'm hopefully my dad will want to schedule/take me to the barn this weekend. Cuz today is a Thursday evening. But then again I don't know. Maybe this "waiting" is all for a good reason. Maybe to ease things down at the barn if that makes sense. Like if my name is going around and if people are talking about me. Lacey could be, you never know if she's the type to do something like that. But hopefully not. The fact that shesaid she brought me up to one of the instructors at the barn, they could remember my name, and I could possibly have that instructor as my own. I hope to God i'm not the main "new story" being talked about. The people that I messaged, yeah they'll probably remember my name, but that's only like 2-3 people(including Lacey). But let's hope they forget so I can start again like they never knew I existed. I just don't want it coming to the whoooole barn knowing/hearing things about me.

Yes, it's cheaper than the actual lessons though. I think it's around $35.

And no, it determines what level your in so they know your skill, what horse to put you on, suggestions, etc, it all goes from there.

I hope everything goes smoothly like nothing ever happened, I really do. I actually got that message from Lacey the moring of the 4th of July right when I woke up lol. The perfect morning suprise... Ain't it? Nothing better than waking up on a fun holiday reading/finding out something like that, really. But I would say, maybe 10-20, possibly even 30 days before that(well, maybe not because I really started the messaging and all in May-June, when summer and my summer vacation started. But it was a while before Lacey had even sent me that message when I had stopped. But people did delete me along with her deleting me. I got requested by this, I don't know what you'd call it but these two girls had this "polo meadow jumping" facebook user, or whatever it was called, and I got requested. It's like some jumping things they do with their dogs pretending to be horses, idk. And then I requested one of the girl's who is apart of that Polo jumping thing, and her name was Rosie and she accepted.

I think that you have to prepare for the possibility of people knowing of you and having preconceptions, though.

If you react badly to that -- if you find out or suspect that they know, and start explaining/ apologizing/ generally overdoing things -- then that will probably just cause more problems.

If you go the route I lay out above (generally, doesn't have to be exact or anything), it might be fine.

Meanwhile, it sounds like you have something concrete to focus on at home. Listen to your mom, follow what your parents say to you. Get a commitment from them re: the barn. And go from there.

Well that's definitly not something I would be looking foward to, considering I'd have either my dad or mom or both with me. But it's only for an hour. Get the horse i'm assigned to(if that's how it works at this place), tack up the horse(which is like grooming it, and then puttting the saddle and etc on it, then getting into the ring, hour lesson, untacking, and most likely leaving right shortly after... Question though... honestly, do I still have a chance of making friends and being closely apart of this barn like I could've had if none of this ever happened? But I mean I guess even if you look at it as the new people who come to the barn(like me, a newcomer) then i'd definitely have a chance right? Cause they wouldn't know anything about anything since they'd be new. And there's usually always new people coming to new barns. But then again there are probably TONS of people at this barn, so the other people chances are probably have no clue, if others arr aware about me.

Oh, and I meant to add this in there at the beginning, just got a little carried away with the other stuff I was saying. It also won't be something to look foward to encountering because, I have social anxiety problems. I get nervous, and can't act myself(my loud, fun, crazy obnoxious self) especially that this is a new place, so most likely even worse! I don't stand up straight, but that's probably also because of my weight.(i'm trying to lose weigh and i'm surr as you know, weight uncomfortablity(word?) can reflect off of how confident you are and your confidence level in general. But i've lost a bit so far.

You have a chance, sure.

You'd have to change some things about your default approach, but you certainly have a chance.

Do you see a counsellor or anything for the social anxiety?

What do you mean by "default approach"?

And no. Nobody has diagnosed it, my mom did say it to me sometime though if i'm remembering it correctly. But I know for a fact that I definitely have it somewhat. I don't go out really at all with friends... Basically because of my weight and feeling uncomfortable and I need to read more to get better social skills/word choice. I'm not so overweight, like obese. I'm a little above my average. I have un-needed weight on my stomach, probably a bit too much on everywhere, and my face, I have some access fat. Which doesn't make me feel comfortable talking to people in person, having huge conversations and such. Losing that weight would really help with my social anxiety I could bet...

I dunno. Having a little extra fat doesn't make you unlikable or uninteresting. It just means that you have a little extra fat.

If you blame all your troubles on the fat, that is a problem right there IMO.

By "default approach" I mean how you usually act. Obviously that isn't going really well for you. I really think from what you've said here that modifying your behavior -- giving things more time, not being so impatient, listening more, etc. -- will help you a lot more socially than losing weight.

You can of course go ahead and lose weight too (as long as you do it in a healthy way). And if it gives you more confidence, great!

But haven't you ever seen someone who has lots of friends and everyone likes who also might not be that skinny?

Personality is way more important.

Sozobe is one smart lady, ain't she, EfL? Listen and think about what she has been suggesting.

How long have you been riding? Do you ride western style or English style?

I was never involved in dressage myself, but I observed over some years because a friend was very much into it.

This sounds like very beginning stuff and the poster is learning to talk with others. Get away from self involvement and pay attention to the horse and what your instructor is saying.

What are you talking about and who are you talking to?? No one ever said anything about dressage.

Who said I wasn't listening to her?! I'm literally absorbing everything she's saying into my brain!

I do English. Hunter/jumper styyyle.

Yeaaaah. But for me, personally, it's the weight, being overweight that's the issue.