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First impression screw-up... Need help!!

 
 
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 07:24 pm
So I ride horses, and i left my old barn about 3 months ago. I'm in depressed state of mood lately, and now i have another problem that came along but is self-inflicted that's going to make everything worse! So shortly before i left my barn, my other horse friend, had told me about another barn in case i was looking for places. So ever since she told me about it, i was looking it up, on youtube, facebook, you name it. I grew very fond of the place, and totally started to fall in love with it. It's a very nice place compared to my old barn, and they do just what i want to do in riding. So eventually, as time moved on, i eventually was able to go and check out the place. I went about 3 or 4 times i would say. Never actually got much out of it, it was basically just to see where the place is located and what it looks like. And then the 3rd or 4th time, i got a chance to walk around and look inside, and i met only one girl that day. Oh and also, I'm a 15 year old girl in case you were wondering. So even after all this time i still haven't begun. But I have been talking and meeting people on the internet that go to the barn.. I found people on youtube, but i actually met(internet wise) a girl, like talked to her. I talked to her a lot, and then it led to adding her on facebook and talking to her there. And now, it's been a while since we "met". i totally messed everything up for my freaking self! I started adding people on facebook, she basically said to me in one of her messages, "an online stalker girl". People i don't even know, just because they go to the barn. I started asking them questions, and there's also a site for the barn on facebook. The creator would not accept me, i messaged her. And to be honest, i guess i got quite a bit rude(according to that girl i met who also added that in one of her messages) And this girl has known everyone forever, there all basically family. There like her lifelong family because she's been riding there and known them forever. And she turned 20. I can relate though because i had that family once at my old barn. So basically, she told me that people were getting fed up with me, sending messages and all the stuff. Now, so far the ones who i added and accepted, deleted me, and right now, i just found out.... SHE deleted me. And when she went to the barn a few days ago(she just came back from her college not too long ago), she somehow(and i say somehow because likke i said i don't know her in person, we never met, seeneach otherr,exceptt our facebook profile pictures, but that's about it. and my name but yeah) mentioned me to someone at the barn if i had scheduled an eval or something, and there was no reaction, they had no clue who i was. but then she had brought that up what i just said that she actually heard things about me from facebook and people getting fed up. I hope this makes sense and you are following me i just can't think..

Oh and don't Don't bother telling me to apologize, i have tried many times and she's ignoring it all. even told her that i apologized to the barn's facebook page creator, and there was still no reply. I'm somewhat convinced that she might've blocked me on facebook because when I go to the messages, the name is labeled as "Facebook User", not her name. But when I go to her page, it shows her name. And in case i did not say, she unfriended me. At the end of her long messages, she also said don't bother giving me excuses/ I really don't want to hear excuses/ don't have time for excuses.. Something along the lines of that. :/ I'm scared to even go to the barn and walk in and set up an eval now, because what if the whole barn knows about me now, like you know how drama works. And everything spreads like wildfire in barns these days. I'm afraid someone would say something to my mom, or if the owner finds out. Or if people start teasing and taunting me. I hope when i start, i will be able to have a nice start, meeting people and making friends as i go along. I hope no one will be against me or hating me, or if it all spreads throughout the barn before i even start. That will be the worst ever!!
 
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 08:05 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
I'm not sure that you've given the whole story, Efl, but maybe you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I trust that the owner of the barn is an adult. Go for a meeting with the person and join the barn. If any issues come up deal with them honestly with the adult owner.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 08:30 pm
@JTT,
I don't want to make it too much of a big deal though. My parents can't find out of this in anyway, that's why i hope when i go there no one says anything to me or starts anything in a way that my parents would be suspicious and then soon find out. I had an awful experience at my last barn(drama related once again) and I do not want to have another one at such a lively barn like this one... I can email you what the girl messaged me if you'd like?
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 08:45 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Quote:
I can email you what the girl messaged me if you'd like?


No thanks, Efl. If it's so private that you can't let everyone know, then you probably shouldn't be asking for advice here.

But as I said, things can seem awfully dramatic to a 15 year old. Handle it like a reasonable person would. If you think, truly, that you have done something wrong wrt to the owner of the club go and apologise. If not, join the barn. Only you, thinking in a reasonable fashion, can determine which it is.

Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:10 pm
@JTT,
I never said it was so private... I just don't want my parents finding out, that's all! I'm just looking for help and some advice on what to do. Of course it's definitely my decision, but i'd like some feeback from other people if there's a better way of handling this or fixing this first impression mess up and getting her back as a friend so when I meet her and other people it won't be as awkward.
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:14 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Quote:
I never said it was so private... I just don't want my parents finding out, that's all!


I don't know how that could happen unless your parents frequent A2K.

Quote:
I'm just looking for help and some advice on what to do. Of course it's definitely my decision, but i'd like some feeback from other people if there's a better way of handling this or fixing this first impression mess up and getting her back as a friend so when I meet her and other people it won't be as awkward.


The post what you would like advice on. But in order to get fair and reasonable advice you have to be honest and up front about what happened.

Good luck, Efl.

Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:18 pm
@JTT,
No cuz you were suggesting to have some kind of meeting but that would involve my parents so of course they'd be finding out then.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:24 pm
@JTT,
Maybe I shall post another better explained, detailed, one. Considering the day I wrote this one(I originally posted all this on yahoo answers but didn't get the amount of answers/advice as I intended to, so I copied it and posted it on here) I was a complete mess getting a facebook message from this girl that was written so bluntly and angry, it was truly upsetting. But I couldn't hardly think so I think I kind of jusy rambled on the explaination of what happened. But I will give it another try. This time it will make more sense. Even people on yahoo answers got lost and I don't blame them-- it's so loooong winded!
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:26 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Quote:
No cuz you were suggesting to have some kind of meeting but that would involve my parents so of course they'd be finding out then.


Are you telling me that you are not legally allowed to join this barn/club without your parent's permission?

If that's so, wouldn't you be able to go to the owner for quick discussion about the possibility of joining that barn/club? Surely, if there was a problem, it would come up then. If there wasn't any problem with the owner, then it seems you would have no problem.
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:31 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
That's a grand idea, Efl. Relax, and collect your thoughts. Be honest about how much blame you share in this, if any. If you are to blame, totally or partially, that shouldn't stop anyone from helping you. Everyone makes mistakes and though they think they are major events, normally they aren't that big a deal to rectify.

Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:34 pm
@JTT,
What?? No! Your first comment was suggesting me to set up some kind of meeting with the barn manager/owner and that girl, and I said no that would be too complicated and making it too much of a big deal and of course my parents would have to be present/involved in that meeting. Then I said I don't want my parents finding out what I did... I think you aren't understanding this due to me not explaining it well enough or fully. As you said, it didn't seem like the whole story. Plus you didn't see the girls facebook message she sent to me.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:35 pm
@JTT,
Thank you so much, you are such a big help I really appreciate this all very much! Thank you!!!! Smile
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:40 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Quote:
What?? No! Your first comment was suggesting me to set up some kind of meeting with the barn manager/owner and that girl,


I'm sorry that I wasn't clear, Efl. I didn't intend at all that you include "that girl" in any discussion with the owner. She isn't at all important, nor should she in any way figure in your joining the barn.

Just talk with the owner. Ask about the rules, how things work, the price, the available services, etc etc. You are a potential new customer so just go in there as what you are, a potential new customer.

if there are some personal issues that you'd like to clear up with the girl, that's a whole 'nother ballgame.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 09:59 pm
@JTT,
But what if I see that girl(her name is Lacey, i'm getting tired of referring her to "that girl") at the barn once I go? I think I am going this weekend to sign up. I will first take an eval, and then riding lessons go from there. I would think she must at least knows what I look like somewhat, from my facebook profile pictures. So if she sees me(I will definitely recognize her, i've seen many pictures and videos of her riding, etc,.) then it's going to be prettyy awkward/uncomfortable! Haha and she can always ask the person who's teaching or look on like a lesson list to see if that's really me :p
JTT
 
  2  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 10:24 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Quote:
But what if I see that girl(her name is Lacey, i'm getting tired of referring her to "that girl") at the barn once I go?


What if you do, Efl? If you do have contact with her, just be a calm reasonable person. If she happened to bring up something embarrassing, Lacey would look pretty foolish laundering her personal issues in public.

Just calmly say that those private issues are best handled in private, at a different time and place. Tell her that you are more than willing to meet her and address any concerns she might have.

I'm not telling you these things so you can make excuses and avoid them. You would, of course have to address these problems just as any reasonable human being would have to.

Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jul, 2012 11:24 pm
@JTT,
Good point, that's true. I mean, I would love to make friends with her again. I think I said it in the description, that I met her on youtube, and we talked for quite a long while, and she was very nice answering all of my questions and looking foward to seeing me one day at the barn once I started. Then it went on to Facebook when I had asked her if she had a Facebook since we were getting closer and deeper into conversations(if that makes sense xD) We talked a lot then, got into personal stuff, like with school, I even told her about my old barn and the horse that I love. I also told her about that awful experience I went through leaving that barn. She told me about how her college life was going, as she goes to college far away in the United Kingdom, she went to England, Scotland... Yep, she told me all about that. She is a very nice person. But I highly doubt she will ever forgive me after all that happened. I sent her a Youtube message a couple days ago, shortly after it all happened, and I haven't gotten a reply back yet but that could be because she's not on Youtube all that often. Facebook, I can send her messages still, at least I think so, but she did delete me as a friend, when I kept sending her messages to her message that she sent me and she just wouldn't reply but then yeah, she deleted me. She probably didn't even read one of them. She did say she wasn't interested in hearing excuses. I'd really like to show you the messages. Your being a big help to me
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 07:43 pm
@JTT,
?????
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 07:47 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
Quote:
I'd really like to show you the messages.


Go ahead and post them if you feel comfortable in doing that, Efl.
Equestrianforlife7xo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Jul, 2012 06:13 pm
@JTT,
I'm a 100% comfortable. It's best to post it and show you and everyone(on the next question i'm going to ask that will give the full entire story).
So here's what she said... : yeah i've been riding, there's lots of new horses but the same instructors as far as i'm aware. Anyway i was there today and asked one of the instructors if there was an eval scheduled and they said no- when i described who you were the reaction was not positive. In fact i heard that you've been messaging a lot of people from the barn and they are getting pretty fed up with it which isnt cool. i talked to the creator of the lanes end farm group and she is really not fond of you at all. I've known her for years and she is a really good friend of mine so i'm gonna be blunt and say i'm pretty annoyed that you gave her attitude. Especially after you already lost your temper with my best friend erin on my wall. I've tried to be nice and understanding, but this has gone too far. These people are my lifelong friends and i can only give out so many second chances to someone i haven't even met. to be honest, i think you're coming on too strong by doing all of this and you've already built up a bad reputation at the barn for your online antics. You really should have just gone to the barn or called, scheduled your evaluation and then worried about the people after you started taking lessons. the "online stalker girl" is not a good way to start out at a barn where you could have turned over a new leaf. i get you were excited about starting at a new barn but you have to learn where to draw the line. I think it's best you stop messaging people from lanes end. if you really are interested in taking lessons there just call the barn and get on with it rather than talking to a bunch of people who ride there as that wont get you anywhere.
i'm very rarely this blunt with people, but there you go. Not really interested in hearing excuses.
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Thu 12 Jul, 2012 06:17 pm
@Equestrianforlife7xo,
That seems to offer you a roadmap, Equestrianforlife7xo.

Call the barn, get on with it.

Then when you're there, buckle down and do your best. Continuing with explanations and excuses is unlikely to get you anywhere at this point.

They may not ever change their mind, but if so, that's one of those things you just have to kind of deal with and get past.

Good luck....
 

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