Reply Wed 4 Jul, 2012 04:08 am
I’m 23 years old, I got married last October to the man of my dreams. He is also 23. I believe in the Lord with all my heart and without a doubt knew he told me this is who I am supposed to be with. I have had major health issues since I was a little girl A lot of ear problems which resulted in taking a ton of antibodies during my childhood which messed up my teeth in a horrible way. It made my enamel like butter. I have been going to the specialist of the specialist of dentist since I was in the 6th grade. The prostodontist, the dentist that older people go to, to get dentures. So I have really been around the block with teeth problems. Hearing problems and emotional problems since I was a little girl. I was molested at a very young age by my cousin and I believe it opened a lot of doors for me that should have never been opened. I went through a lot of crap that no one should. I struggled a lot in school but my mom was always there for me. Always fighting the system for me. When I was 18 we found out that my dad had cheated on my mom when I was in the 7th grade. They stuck it out but for me it was so hard because I loved my mom so much and he had treated me so badly all these years. It took me 3 years to get over it and forgive him. God ended up changing my life so much and I met my husband about a year after God really changed me. So I was in a really good place and have been.
Ok now you know the back story, probably didn’t need it but yeah. This past January my teeth were falling apart and I went to the specialist and he said it was going to 47,000 dollars and HELLO I don’t know anyone who has that kind of money. I needed to get like the majority of my teeth pulled and get implants and bridges. My dentist suggested we go to Costa Rica ( a lot of people are doing it actually) and it cost 16,000 over there um HUGE difference. Me and my mom where going since she was paying and knows how to take care of me best. This first year of marriage has been the most difficult thing in my life!!!!!!! By far and I have been through some crap ya know? While we were there the first dentist we had mad the procedure apt with was awful he did the procedure. But did not put enough Novocain, would not listen to me I had 8 teeth pulled,6 hour procedure and I was in immense pain. He would not give me enough pain med. I had brought vicodin from the states so I was living off it. Being in so much pain non stop for like a week my mom got worried and starting emailing around to get a 2nd opinion. She never told anyone where we were staying but we got a phone call from another dentist office and they set up an appt. with us. So we went and checked it out and they were amazing! So smart so much better bed side manner could communicate with us better! WE were definitely think it was God and we were definitely switching because I did not trust the other guy. I was for lack of better words traumatized. I kept in contact with my husband as much as could with the pain and lack of wi fi signal/ phone service there. We were there for 2 weeks. When I left we were in good standing like going through a good time in our relationship (or so I thought). When I got back we got into a huge fight about responsibilities that he did not fulfill while I was gone that he told he would and therefore I was so un comfortable. So here I was in tremendous pain. A husband that is irresponsible and we’re fighting. Well we get past the fight and decide we defiantly need to go to counseling and make up like we never have. I was falling in love with him. The next day I went to get fb and my sister in law had deleted me (that’s another story) and I wanted to see the crap she was saying about me so I went to get on his. But he had changed his pw so I asked him for it and why he changed it and he said because he didn’t want me doing anything to his account while I was mad at him. Ok sounded reasonable right? Then he says “also because I’ve been talking to this other girl who is in my class” I said “ ok I need to see these conversations” and before I could get on fb with his pw he texted me saying he had already deleted all the conversations. FISHY EH? But he claims it was so innocent, but he has no proof over text or fb ( because he was doing both with her) he says that she said he was cute and sweet and he said the same to her. So basically they were flirting. In my gut I knew this had been going on way longer than he was telling me (also he fessed up to watching porn here is the real kicker, while I was in town he watched it) So I finally go home to talk to him more about this girl and finally get details like who she is and so on. I find out he gave her two t-shirts from the place he works (he works at like a place where they put like logos on shirts for like sports events) these are like 30 dollar shirts! So he stole from his company made them personally and gave them to her and she posted it on fb. And was like best gift ever! Than tagged him in the post. He is like it was just a nice gesture to a friend!! REALLY he has never done anything like that for me. The real kicker to that is it happened way back in MAY! So he has been emotionally cheating on me with this girl since may! They went to lunch together. This girl asked him to buy her beer and come to her apt. He says he didn’t go but I don’t believe him. He doesn’t think he has done anything wrong. He argues with and I feel like he is not fighting for me. I am so beyond broken right now this is the 2nd man in my life who was not supposed to let me down like this and he did. I feel like dying right now. Seriously is not an emotional affair? Do I not have a right to be upset and mad and hurt.

So now Im dealing with my teeth which are still hurting this emotional pain and oh the other day i had to go to the ER because i was in so much abdominal pain and i turned out having a cyst on my ovary.

Anything encouraging would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for listening if you read all this you are my hero...
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Reply Wed 4 Jul, 2012 05:25 am
Well, first off, I hope you physically feel better soon. I've had minor oral surgery and I know how much that hurts, and I realize that's a grain of sand compared to the mountain you're dealing with. So feel better.

Second, let's go with what we know are the facts, okay?
* You are in Costa Rica for surgery and your husband doesn't take care of things at home.
* He goes onto FB while you are out of town. He says he chatted with someone else (which is semi-understandable; the question is the subject of the conversations, not so much the fact that they occurred).
* You cannot see the conversations. You ask for his password in order to see them. He refuses/deletes them before you can see them. Now it's just a memory of what he said; that's the only real direct evidence you've got of these conversations.
* But there is indirect evidence, including him taking from his company (stupid idea) and this gal posting about it on FB.
* Plus he undoubtedly realizes you've got trust issues from your past.

I think that's it.

Being upset about him never stealing shirts from you is kinda silly, don't you think? Shouldn't you be more concerned that he did something that could get him fired from his job? And that it's on FB and can be found by anyone - don't think his employer isn't looking. So that's just plain dumb behavior on his part.

As for the nature of the conversations between him and this gal, you do not have the specifics, so calling it emotional cheating is only getting you upset. You do not have the whole truth about this (and I'm not so sure that you will be getting it, BTW).

Talk to him. Find out what is going on. And beyond that, you were on a planned trip, and it was not for a long amount of time (e. g. it wasn't for a year). Now you are home and you are (and were) in physical pain.

Beyond the possible emotional affair and the stolen merchandise and subjecting himself to possible firing for cause, I'd be a lot more upset about a husband who didn't seem to be caring and supportive while I was in major physical pain. And I'd be hurt by a husband who is so cavalier with trust when it is a major issue for me. You might want to think about those as issues before the rest of these things.
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Reply Wed 11 Jul, 2012 04:05 am
Oh, you are so poor, but please be conmfident, you will come over them. God bless you !
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