Dating Norms: Do Men Still Pay? (And if so, should they?)

No, I don't think men should pay at all. Nor do they, generally, in my experience.

I have always thought it a silly custom and have rejected it for political reasons, as was the wont in my group.


Like Thomas, the notion of the "date" is pretty foreign to me, and the last few years are the only times I have "dated".......largely because of time shortages and life style.

Yeah, it's definitely an American thing - dating!

Sure I get that point, I made it first, back on page one:

I believe that men should pay for the first date, because it is a sign of being a gentlemen, but as for the following dates they should talk about who's gonna pay the bill. Give and take relationship is the best policy.

What about those men who have no interest in being gentlemen? Of course, we interested in real women instead of ladies.

Hmmm... just saw this thread. When Alex and I started our relationship, we lived in different cities. I paid to fly here to see him and he paid for everything else. When he flew to see me, I paid for everything else. It was sort of understood but we didn't discuss it. And when I moved in, he paid all the regular bills (structure repairs, hydro, etc), and I paid for everything else (household supplies and consumables). New curtains, sheets, dishes, food.. that sort of thing. He usually pays when we go out, for some reason, and I pay for his incidentals (dry-cleaning, shoe repair, medicines, etc) because I'm the one dropping off and picking up. It just sort of evolved that way. We pay our own car costs and phone, etc. It's still this way after getting married but it's a little looser.

I eat my date's food and let her pay. (Ask Osso.)

Thomas also won't share.

It's really up to the couple as to if the man should pay. Whenever I ask someone out on a date, I do not mind picking up the tab. Here's the highlight; I do not expect anything in return. However, she may decide to pay the next time and that is quite acceptable.

Marine1

Depends on how feminine my date is.

You should go for the bill and see her reaction. If she insists, split the bill. We are not in the 50ies anymore.

Here's my take. Pay for the bill at all times, until you have sex with her. Then stop paying.

Why?

if a desirable female is defined as a female who allows men to always pick up the tab

(which is not my experience in a world primarily consisting of highly educated profesionals)

I'm from a mixed cultural background, so I see things a little differently to many Australians.

I've been seeing a Belarusian lady for a while. I always pay - and I'm quite happy to do so. Given who she is (which shows through on many levels, which are all consistent and genuine), it has never really occurred to me that it should be any other way (it's also not an issue financially, which probably contributes to my view). Had she been brought up in the average Western society, or had her personality been less natural and genuine in this area, I would have had a completely different view of this arrangement...my view is that every difference should be viewed in its own context.

I will of course say that she is spoiled (and she admits that too)...that may have some to do with her looks, which are absolutely stunning (though it also has to do with her parents)...

...which brings me to a comment made by maxdancona on men being prepared to pay for the most desirable women...

I wonder exactly how much of a contributor that is.

Then again, her looks weren't really what attracted me to her in the first place (longish story that I'm not bothered going into), so it may have little to do with it.

No comment yet, will reread thread, but, vik, I'm glad to see you just talking.

Hi Osso,

I've been a great deal busier in the real world. I still like visiting in the less frequent down times