Why was your wife placed on medication??
katya8 wrote:Why was your wife placed on medication??
That's a pretty nosey question, isn't it?
Gordy, go with your mom. You only live once, this is about your family too. Your wife will have to deal...Plenty of people work and live in different cities or countries. You're asking for a pittance in time, and I think your wife is being unreasonable. It would be a shame to pass on a wonderful oppourtunity.
My father is a real homebody, if it weren't for my mother, we would never have gone on a vacation. Some people are like that and thats fine, but we can't demand the same from anyone else, regardless of marital status. Mom now takes regular vacations alone. In order to facilitate this arrangement, they had to have very open communication.
Pardon me for saying this, but Gordy, it seems you're reacting to her reactions, temper tantrums and not being able to full discuss having children or this impending trip, or perhaps even larger issues. I would suggest seeing a marriage counsellor. They can teach you or give tips on how to approach sticky subjects, help you establish ground rules.
Is there someone who can watch over your wife while your gone, visit and keep an eye out for her? family or friends, maybe someone can stay with her for the duration of your trip?
Gordy; Just for fun??... Try giving her 3 options.
1. Go with you.
2. If she has a baby. you'll stay home.
3. You'll sign the divorce papers when you get home
katya8 wrote:Montana....it's nice that you supported your own Mom when she became a widow, but am I remembering incorrectly that you're a single parent?
Yes, I am a single parent, but that doesn't mean that I was without a partner at the time. I was living with the father of my son and he never had a problem with me being there for my mother. That was actually the only thing he didn't have a problem with.
Thanks for the response everyone.Ceili your observations are correct.As a rule I tend to react to her tantrums and just give in, we rarely discuss things properly because when we do she starts crying then after that the temper starts.And that can go on for days.
As for someone to be here when I'm away her Mom and brother live about 15mins away.
katya8 you said that a Mother shouldn't ask her son away even for a day.Well my wifes Mother does craft stuff and goes to church fund rasing days,and my wife helps her. This takes all day and sometimes into the evening usually on a Saturday. Are you saying this is a bad thing?
As for my Mother to pay some one to accompany her.The very thought.
Besides that would be just avoiding the issue of my wife not allowing me to go and see some of my own family.
Gordy.....you say that your wife's on anti-depressants....that she's afraid of flying.....that she cries a lot, throws temper tantrums a lot, that you can't discuss anything with her, that she doesn't want you to travel, and that she refuses to come with you when invited.
You also don't explain your relationship with your mother re: your marriage.....so it's hard to know if there were problems regarding that, in the past?
Meantime, you say you want to do what you want to do because you want to do it.
So why did you present the situation as a problem?
Were you just wanting for people here to say, "Go do what you want to do because you want to do it, and forgetabout your silly, hysterical, cry-baby wife" ???
Katya
I assume he simply wanted other peoples opinions on the matter and not for his wife to be insulted.
Hello, Gordy, and welcome to a2k.
I'll summarize my opinions on your situation quickly -
I do hope you accompany your mother, that you don't have any qualms about doing so, and that the trip works out well and helps to heal her grief.
On your marriage, I think it would be very very useful for you to have counseling together, and I know that is hard sometimes to have that happen. I wish you both good luck and good understanding.
Further, I think the trip that you would be making for the reason of helping your mother would also give you a little bit of personal space to stand back and think about how carefully you have tiptoed all these years, and how sad and angry your wife has been. Maybe some of her sorrow has been your fault, or maybe it hasn't. In any case, it is really an unjoyful situation, and I wish you both more communication and happiness.
katya8 Your all kinda right yes I did want people to say yes, go ahead but I also wanted other peoples thoughts on what has blown up into a big thing in our lives at the moment.And yes I wanted someone to just hand me a miracle something or other.
Of course there are loads of other issues but as I said at the start I'm new round here. I didn't want to pour out my life story in my first post,besides if I did you would only be getting my side of the story.But what ever you want to know about me/us just ask. I would love to go to counselling with my wife but she just wont go,and thats a bit like the flying;now that she has said she wont go she really wont go.
The anti depressants are because she cried a lot,like almost every night and it seemed for no reason at all.Since she started them about 3 months now the crying has just about stopped,but sometimes she gets in a bit of a temper
Hi, Gordy. I hope you'll soon be able to tell your mother that you'll be travelling with her.
It sounds like the meds have helped your wife - at least with stopping the crying. At three months, the meds should be quite stable in her bloodstream. Do you know if your wife's doctor knows about the other problems you/she/both of you are having? It might be difficult for the doctor to provide a full diagnosis with only some of the information.
Have you written all of your concerns out, and discussed them with your wife? It seems you've tried (from your earlier posts) to talk to her, but the tears have gotten in the way. Perhaps it's time to try again? I'd suggest writing them out for yourself, so that it will be easier to keep focused on what you want/need to talk about.
I wish you much luck at getting your situation more pleasant for both of you.
Gordy....I appreciate your honesty.
I believe you said you've been married about 15 years.....was your wife always crying at night, or just recently? I personally do not believe that sadness appears without cause or out of nowhere, and that it should be medicated till it goes out of sight again.
Most families appoint one of their members as "the crazy one" in comparison to which, everyone else gets to think that they've got it together. I'm not saying that this happened in yours, but it might be something to consider?
I do think it would be beneficial if Gordy's wife could get a full medical work-up. She might not think it's a good idea, and might not like that suggestion, but given her approximate age, I can think of a couple of medical reasons that she might be particularly teary and temperamental these days. A good check-up might help sort that out. On the other hand, maybe she's simply a difficult person. Only Gordy, his wife and her doctor can really tease out the answer to that.
These words came out of your mouth Katya.
Katya said:
Were you just wanting for people here to say, "Go do what you want to do because you want to do it, and forgetabout your silly, hysterical, cry-baby wife" ???
Kat, every situation is different. Would you be tied to the same place all your life because your partner threw a temper tantrum. I highly doubt it.
It's his life too, and as such, he should do something for himself. It's not like he's going to vegas, for a boy's weekend. This is a family thing his wife was invited to and SHE chose not to go.
Are you suggesting he cut the bonds with his mother because he's married. Unless his mother made unreasonable requests and shunned his wife, why would he treat her badly, or ignore her in her time of need. I doubt you would want a son or daughter to treat you this way.
