What IS IT with this gurl??? please help

Well maybe she sent a false picture and is embarrassed about the lie. OR MAYBE she has recently gained weight...

Thanks for the guidance EhBeth. :wink:

any more questions, CotL? (i'm kidding, i'm kidding)

Hehe EhBeth,

Maybe she was just stringing you along to get a laugh. Girls can be cruel like that...

The Middle East thing puts a slightly different spin on it.

It sounds like she might be a virgin -- slept naked with a guy, but no sex? Perhaps she thinks that there will be an expectation of sex, and she's not sure about that?

How long ago did you first bring up meeting, and have you brought it up since? If so, has her reaction changed at all?

You sound determined to find out if your feelings are mutual... nothing wrong with that. From what you've described; you may well have already "talked beyond the point of sale". Attraction is an art form. If you present yourself like the perfect man; you are going to wind up being a brotherly type... not sexy. When she says sex with you would be a pleasure, challenger her! Maybe; "Oh come on baby, you know you could never handle a man like me"... and let that sink in for a few seconds before abruptly changing the subject to a lighter topic, as if you have no interest in sex with her. Go out with someone else, and tell her you had a great time. She needs to know that other girls find you attractive (women are weird like that). If you are too easy, too available, and too subservient; you are also to boring to be attracted to. No amount of begging, flowers or other displays of desperation and neediness will help. Tease her a little (nicely) while pulling away and see if she doesn't come after you! Us humans love a challenge... don't be too easy. Just my 2 cents, Good Luck!

Occom...Well said.

The plan!
Challenging her is a very good idea. I actually do it man times, and she also does. And I do not give out my compliments for free. Many times she tells me that she "misses me"..and I reply back saying that I haven't missed her yet :p Or I need more time to miss her and so on. In tis way, i'll be teasing her and making myself more valuable. Besides, we've known each other for a whole year and we never met. I'm sure that im a valuable guy to her.

By the way sozobe...you know what? I actually think she is NOT a virgin..and this maybe the biggest secret she feels like telling me about, but is worried I might change my mind about her...even though I did make it clear that my reactions are as stable and calm as they can possibly be. Or she might have another secret with a similar magnitude.

Anyway, here's the plan:

My goal is to make her more attracted to me, and more tempted to meet me. For that to happen, I should make myself 1) more valuable 2) more good to talk to 3) more intimate and exciting.
Now to do that, I reckon I should do the following:

1) Talk to her less often (make her miss me more):

Like we usually talk on the phone like once every 2 days or so. We message everyday. But this time im going to talk to her like twice a week max, and message her every 2 or 3 days. Same applies to online chatting..im going to chat with her less often, BUT with every chat, message or phone call, i'll have to make sure il be entetaining, outgoing and good to talk to. In that way, she'll be craving for each and every message or pohone callf rom me.

(Do you think this is okay guys or it just decrease the intensitiy of the whole thing and gradually turn it off???)

2) More intimate e-mails:
E-mails that are closer, deeper, more entertaining..a bit longer..just valuable enough to make her wait for them, reply to them with an open heart and speak out. In this way, she'll feel more comfortable with the idea of me, and we'll definitely become closer.

3) After I do that for a week or so, i'll be asking her out:
This time im gonna give her some space. Like i'll ask her on Monday if she'd like to meet in the weekend..she'll have time to free herself and so on...no excuse for not meeting me. IF she doesn't do that and refuses AGAIN (which i doubt!) im simply going to step away bit by bit, and never ask for a meeting again. It would be her turn to do so this time. Or else, its over.

What do you guys think? Any good ideas/suggestions?

Thanks in advance

I dunno, Vonderjohn, there will be people here who will help fine-tune your "plan", but my own take is can't you just talk to her about it? Make it clear that you have no expectations? Arrange to meet at a public place, not anyone's house? Reassure her that if she's not a virgin, it wouldn't matter to you? Reassure her that if she is a virgin, you'll respect her boundaries?

Re: The plan!
Let me see if I understand you correctly. You've spent a year cultivating a friendship of mutual love and respect... and now if she doesn't, NOW, want to take it do a physical level "it's over"? How long have you had these designs? "It's over" should be an unwelcome potential consequence of your actions, not an ultimatum. Your shouting of the word AGAIN makes this sound more like an ongoing obsession than a new, formerly unrealized, desire. If you've already made your desires abundantly clear; then pulling away would definitely be the right answer. If you haven't; take Sozobe's advice verbatim and come clean.
If she doesn't want you as more than a friend... tough luck. Don't blame her for being someone attractive enough to desire. Don't let disappointment turn into something ugly. You may even find that being understanding; and taking rejection like an adult, will provide the catalyst you seek. Sometimes you (or she) really don't know what you've got, till it's gone.
Or, perhaps, if you really do value each other as friends; you should just leave well enough alone. Think about it. Don't go off half cocked (pun intended). I haven't heard you mention going out with anyone else last year. At 20 years old, you need to get busy living… with or without this girl.
Okay, that's four cents now (though probably worth much less).

That was very patiently said OCCOM BILL .. and I generally agree with what you said. I guess I was a bit overreacting when I said it would be over. Come to think about it again, it would be much more worth to take care of what we have and not just destroy it all together because of something relatively silly. But I don't know - the 'intensity of attraction' is now HIGH. Give it more time, and it will gradually decrease, until I become someone who's worthless or "old" .. i.e boring and "known" .. like there's nothing special about me anymore. And this might drive her away bit by bit.
Now I don't want that to happen. I just don't. It hurts. It's either I should speed things up a bit in terms of seeing each other, or keep a steady (not necessarily high) intensity of attraction, in such a way that wouldn't expose everything about me, and at the same time keep the image about me of being someone "great and special" . . i'll think of a way to do it.
But what do you think of my plan anyway ? Shall I go for it or shall I try another pathway?

I don't know you, her or your situation my friend. You are the only person who can answer your final question. Grand Master Plans seldom unfold as planned. If your friendship is more of a facade to keep you close to someone you are romantically attracted to; you're doing it wrong. It does sound like you need some closure (one way or another). You wrote: "in such a way that wouldn't expose everything about me, and at the same time keep the image about me of being someone "great and special""… My grandmother once advised me "never pretend you are anything you are not prepared to pretend for the rest of your life". Being the perfect man makes logical sense to us men. However; it has nothing to do with attraction. I'll probably get chastised for this stereotype but; Women think with their hearts, not logic. If they sense you are trying to manipulate their feelings; goodbye. Choosing how available to make yourself is completely fair, and yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Artificially propping your self up by denying your true feelings on the other hand, will likely throw up an inexplicable red flag in her mind. Would you prefer to know her… or some perfect front she has built up for the occasion? Be real… and let the chips fall where they may.
Ps- I was quite serious when I suggested dating someone else. It shows her you are not needy and desperate, it may stimulate some feelings of jealousy she didn't know she had… and you may find you like someone else better; and get the added benefit of keeping what you already have. Enjoy the adventure!

Actually, Bill.....I mostly agree with that statement. Cept' I would like to add one thing. Even though women think with their hearts.....it doesn't mean they don't use logic, also. We just approach the world differently.
A man by nature is goal oriented. He will see the "goal" and take the steps necessary to get there. "Feelings" are not his primary consideration. That's just how his mind works. Women on the other hand...not only see the goal....but they see beyond it. Her mind will be more concerned about how the actions will affect the feelings of others. So, yes...her heart comes into play.

All in all......I think everything balances out if both people have a good head on their shoulders. Men are more ..leaders, guiders, and protectors. Wheras women are soft, tender, and gentle. Which makes for a very good balance

So ...nah :wink: No chastising here (As long as you remember that women are ALWAYS right)

~Brooke

Being I am a man and am therefore "goal orientated"; it logically follows that of course I always try to remember "women are ALWAYS right" :wink: Good to see you Brooke!

Is she still resisting the meating? (that was kinda dumb)

Child of the light: I still didn't try again. And I don't think she's RESISTING it as much as she's trying to just "avoid" it or give it some more time..or wait till she's ready or "in the mood" for it. Not really resistance.

justa_babbling_brooke ... that was very very well said. Looks like you're very familiar with the female and male species You've got a simple and clear understanding. Can you be my teacher? lol

Not really..


Well, theoratically speaking you are right...but when it comes to females my friend...you've got to be MYSTERIOUS. It's a very important rule for attraction



Dating someone else would be good and entertaining for me - however, it wouldn't be so for her. The minute she finds out im dating someone else she'll start feeling jealous AND she'll maybe decide to step away. She'll be thinking " well looks like he's not interested...so why waste time! if he's interested he wouldnt be telling me about it at LEAST! to hell with the guy! bastard :s"
This would literally destroy everything we had, or at least, ignite unpleasant feelings.

Hmmmm.....ya know what? I think you might be onto something!
Just tell her that you found a female that is teaching you all there is to know about the sexes

~Brooke

PS-Oh yeah one more thing......Just don't tell her it's "me" or I'm gonna have to hurt ya

Not good! lol
Well if I do so she'll be asking who/what/why/where is this teacher and who/why/what is she telling you about...and so i'll be forced to come up with answers..which is something im not so good at.

Hehe, you're gonna have to hurt me huh? :p

GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT LADY

Great to see you back here again, brooke!!!