Concerned hubby to be

It's a sign that you have no business marrying.

So this isnt a normal thing? Not a coincidence? Like I love my fiance very much its just strange to me that this is happening, I thought maybe its cold feet? Any suggestions?

Yeah, do the decent thing, don't get married.

Y is that? Could you elaborate as to why? Thanks

If anyone else has an opinion on this id love to hear from you, id like as many perspectives as possible

And those words, above, are the only times you even come close to mentioning your fiancée in the original post. And you never actually say anything like, I dunno -
* I love her
* I can't wait to get married
* This is wrong
* I don't want to hurt her

Instead, it's a vague "the whole getting married thing".

Set's right - you should not be getting married. End it. Don't just cancel the wedding, but end the relationship in its entirety. If you're all set (er, pun not intended) to cheat on your fiancée just because some hot teenager comes onto you, and the only problem you can see is that it throws a monkey wrench into "the whole getting married thing", then you should end it so that your fiancée can be free to go on with her life without a jerk like you in it.

Man up and tell her it's over. And then man up even more and tell her it's not her - it's you.

Because you're self-centered, opportunistic, immature and you see women as sexual objects. Want more?

Harsh but fair, I appreciate the repky. I did say that I love her very much in my post, I also have a house with her, I think im just thinking with the wrong head to be honest. Shes perfect for me, im an idiot

Yep, you're an idiot.

I got married just under 20 years ago. Doubts are one thing (everyone has them). But you're acting on them. And you are also, evidently, setting yourself up to be in situations where these kinds of temptations arise. .

Sheesh, when we were getting married, yanno what my husband was doing this time 20 years ago?

He was going to work. He was doing the housework with me. He was going out running. He was helping me with the last-minute prep. In short, he wasn't going out looking for chippies. And he sure as hell wasn't taking their numbers if he stumbled upon any.

I do all that stuff, work, help around the house, help with wedding stuff, the girl gave me her number at my stag, I waa drunk and took it, I accept that and obviously I shouldnt have. I just deleted her, I know that doesnt fix it but u guys have helped and I appreciate it. Just a last minute horndog moment I guess

So even if I smarten up now I still shouldnt go through with it?

Look, only you can really answer that. But you should consider a few things.
* Blaming alcohol doesn't cut it. I'm not saying that you had full control of your faculties but I take it you weren't completely slobbery falling-down drunk. Most women (unless they're pros) don't give their numbers to guys who are essentially puking themselves.
* What's your overall feeling about all of this? Relief that you realized you had the number and then quickly excised it before things could go any further? Fear that your fiancée would find out? Regret that this didn't happen before you became engaged?
* How do you feel about marriage in general? I don't mean the wedding. I mean marriage. Do you see being with this woman when she's pregnant? Sick with cancer? Obese? Old? Not all of these things happen, of course - but can you see those things as happening? Or are they dealbreakers, any of them?
* I don't really think that anyone is "perfect" for anyone else, at least not over time. Mr. j and I don't see eye to eye on everything, but we get along well, we are considerate of each other and we try not to hurt each other. Plus we don't feel threatened when the other one seeks friends (even if they're of the opposite sex) to fill in missing things, so long as those things aren't sexual. What I mean is, I'm on a strict diet. My husband is not. I spend time online on a diet website. Lots of time. I have male and female friends there. I don't talk protein and steps walked with my husband; I talk about it with those people. My husband is not threatened by this; this is just something that I do, and that interests me, but he doesn't do it. It's a place where he's not "perfect" for me - but it doesn't matter.
* BTW, how would you feel if your fiancée found out about this escapade? How would you feel after you deleted the #? Before? And how would she feel?

I know alcohol is not an excuse but it does screw with ur head forsure, it also brings ur other head into play which never turns out well lol. When I got the number I was kinda excited like "oh ya, still got it" so I continued the excitement, but in turn it had me stressed and paranoid constantly about my phone going off when my fiance was around. She would snap if she knew and I dont blame her, as I would do the same in a reversed situation. it was just sexual fantasy peaking my interest I guess, as my fiance and I are somewhat stale in the sack right now, so that amped up the thought of this gorgeous younger girl. Im sure if I investigated further the other girl and I would have not much in common as we r 10 years apart.
As far as marriage, yes I want to be married, I love my fiance and I would/do do anything for her. I want kids, she would be a great mom and she treats me like a saint. Im just an asshole with a hardon I guess

is this a slip???? sorry just had to laugh when I read it.

I think jespah said it right - only you know for sure if it is cold feet where you are just nervous about being/getting married; thinking is this right; should I be doing this - there is a certain amount that is normal - the cold feet thingy and it should be as this is a huge step.

How worried are you about being married and being with this particular woman your whole life? You really need to be honest with yourself.

I can understand the whole - this hot girl is attracted to me and feel good about that - that is normal. Everyone wants to feel they are still attractive and desireable to other people. As long as you know you really do not want to act on it - in other words, you love your future wife so much, no matter how hot she is, it wouldn't be worth the quick fling to hurt the woman you love.

BTW: if you do the wrong thing and marry that girl, remember that booze explanation, you will be using it I'd say within the next two years.

Joe(or months)Nation

Ya that was a slip lol. I want to be married and its a little bit of cold feet and alit of being a horndog when im drunk lol. My future wife is awesome and very attractive, just wish the sex was better and more often. The other girl is super hot, but ya, I have to be smart about this. My fiance is my future, I just dont want to be obe of thise coyples who do nothing, lately ive been partying a lil and I like it, I get bored sitting home, **** this sucks lol

Have you talked to your future wife about your concerns? Maybe you could hold off a bit? Maybe you love her, but just aren't ready to settle down?

Really we can't know - did you have any sort of pre-marriage counseling even meeting with a priest or minister? We had a few sessions - required to get married in a particular church.

The minister was great - it wasn't like the Catholic version I've seen/heard from my friends. We each received a series of questions that couldn't really be answered yes or no - but more full answers and the minister said there were no right or wrong answers. Basically the questions were around things that each couple should discuss before getting married to flush out any huge issues that could arise.

I think you two should sit down and talk about what is bothering you and she may surprise you and have some concerns too.

The wedding is under a month away, its all paid and we also own a house together.

DING ding DING: Another alarm bell goes off


In the words of Captain Picard: Make it so.

You're the man.....tell your fiance about your wishes.
Work it out. What's been keeping you from telling her??

Joe(make your wishes come true, buddy, or they will turn into troubles.)Nation