Im in Love with my ex Girlfriend but I am unhappily married

Let see you planned to had a child and now wish to break this child family apart because you had the hots for the old girlfriend?

Nice going...............

Do you mean from the 1st month to the 4th year? Where I have highlighted it?

It sounds as if you were young. Was your ex, your first true relationship? You say there was lack of communication, issues and so you broke up...

If you were "her" first, and she hasn't found a committed relationship since, rather "users" she is going to hold a candle to you but for the wrong reasons. Have you really changed? Do you know what constitutes a relationship? Why communication is highly important in one? How do you know you have un-conditional love for your ex.

Your current wife, you state you are also in-compatible with. But, you also state that you were moving like the speed of light, fell in love... planned the pregnancy, got married, lived together after 4 weeks..

Sometimes people "so want love" and so, they find lust and "believe" it to be love only to find it dwindles and when it's gone, there's nothing.

Here's the thing... You made your bed... You need to discuss with your wife how she feels about the marriage... What she feels is going wrong, has gone wrong. "Communicate".. You have a child now, you planned it.. It's not a dog, you don't go what a cute thing, idea and then oh what a bad one... Here, on this thread? No where do you speak about your child... It's all about your ex... Does the baby not play an important part in this picture? Hell yeah...

People Divorce all the time... Children suffer as a result all the time.

But, to me? It sounds like, neither of you, your ex, or yourself have found "yourself" or what constitutes a relationship.. Both have just gone with the flow of life. Neither are happy and so you "think" the solution is to get back together.

There is the fact you are married, you have a child.

The first thing you have to do, like I said is to sit down with your wife, "forget the ex" and talk to her... Nut out your differences, see if it's purely the fact that she is tired, trying to bring up a baby at how old? And, see what you are really doing as responsibility goes, as a husband and a Father... I'm not sure you have even tried.

The ex, has no rights to contact you for the past 3 months and fill your head with possibles. It didn't work the first time.. She's lonely and hasn't succeeded in finding love why? What really wasn't right with you too, truly you need to go back and see that..

We all want love but you don't know the word.

You married a girl who made you feel that it could be. It wasn't.

You entered a 4 year relationship *young* I assume and it died it's natural death.

Relationships take work.

Imagine if you go back with the ex and it fails? And, imagine if you never see your child again and the woman who bore it actually is "ok" but you didn't see it, through being blind of not accepting "responsibilities" and purely thinking for yourself, no one else.

At 24, it's a tad understandable.. But, you need to seriously re-assess.

Planning a pregnancy after only being together for what a month? As, you found out at month two, that's not a rebound. That sounds to me, as if you wanted to hurt your ex... or was frightened of not finding love again, so planning a pregnancy, should mean it will last, after all there is a child involved.

Not to be rude, but bringing a child into this World after knowing its Mother for only a month or two, how can that be of love? Now what of the child.. Not even two years of age and has a Mummy and Daddy that argue and feel hate towards each other.

Can you support this child?

Off course you have established you are not compatible. It was lust that bought you together, you didn't even know each other before you "planned" the pregnancy or got married... You are in a pickle but of your own doing...

I assume you mean with your ex, from 1 month to 4 years but you broke up over communication, you are breaking up now over communication.. You can't communicate and instead, just probably show distaste, hatred..

You need to go and seek help and learn how to communicate, to stop thinking of yourself and realise there is a child involved, that child deserves to see if there is a chance Mummy and Daddy can communicate and go back to where they were at the beginning...

You need to tell your ex, that you are married and until such time as you are not, that you can not be with her and that you need to learn how to communicate and "try" with your marriage first.

Let's face it. Going back with her and not being able to communicate, will result in a split again, meanwhile you have led someone on, planned a pregnancy, gotten married and then shown hatred to her.. What did she do? Nothing, she trusted you.

Forget the ex. Just concentrate on the marriage and the child.

If you feel this badly, go to counseling. Why, if you think it is 100% over? I am not talking about you. I am talking about your child, who is really getting shafted here. You owe it to your child to at least make an effort with his or her mother. Forget if it is a foregone conclusion; this can also be a bridge to getting along as well as possible after a divorce. For it is, likely, the divorce court where you are heading.

And then you can be welcomed into the wonderful world of paying child support. Because regardless of how you feel about the mother, the child is innocent in all of this. And that child needs shoes, a roof, food, etc. You have made this bed (planned? Ha; I don't think so - no one thought through any of the ramifications, it seems. You've just got good ole Buyers' Remorse) and now you've gotta lie in it. But the kid is not at fault here, and if you are at all a decent human being you will at least not punish the child for this kind of (yeah, I'm saying it) stupid and immature behavior.

Can you get back with the ex? Who knows? But the uppermost priority is the child, and the second is, if it is really and truly over, stake in the heart, even a zombie won't rise from the grave marriage then the second priority is divorce. Then start worrying about relationships.

Think with the right head for a while, okay?

You have talked about yourself, but what about your wife? Is she as unhappy as you are? Can this marriage be salvaged. Perhaps you were used by her to have a child, who knows? You really do owe it to yourself, her and the child to see if this marriage can be saved, and then figure out how you can be a good father throughout all this.

The girl from the past? You have NO right to be even thinking of anyone else during this time when you are a husband and father. Get yourself together before you start up another relationship that has no depth to it.

You got married and had a kid merely to spite your ex? That is a very rash thing to do. And now you plan to get a divorce and go off and be with the old one again? That is also very rash. What if it backfires, just like this plan? You might be with your ex for a while and wish you kept your marriage, and your kid. Think this through before you jump to a hasty/irrational decision. Ex's are ex's for a reason.

I feel as though many people here are being a little harsh.

I understand that he has a child with his wife and that he is married and that is something that is binding and supposed to be a lifelong thing. But we are human, we have real feelings that can't be summed up by outside appearances.
Sometimes we make mistakes and later on we realise and learn from them. Sometimes two people can't be together at a certain time because they both had lessons to learn.

I think that if all you can think about is your ex, and your wife does not make you happy, then you owe it to your child to LEAVE your marriage.

My parents were very unhappy together and they hid it from us children. Once they were divorced, they were both free to make new beautiful lives. This has taught me to be completely true to my heart regardless of what a contract says, or regardless of what people around you say.
Only YOUR heart knows what is right.

Don't die with regrets. Even if it doesn't work out with your ex, your child will know that you are a fighter and a person who fights for what they believe.

How would you feel if your child greaw up and found themselves trapped in an unhappy situation? Because children learn from their parents, your child will make the same mistakes you make if they follow your lead.
So make an example that they can be proud of!

here is the advice from my side just tell your wife that you are in love with your x and dont want to be with her and its like you are cheating on her.....

Wow!! Believe it or not, I am in a similar situation, except for, I am the ex girlfriend. I can only give you advice from my standpoint, good or bad, take it or leave it. It's just what I feel from my end.

I was in a friendship with a guy for 5 yrs. We were really good friends who cared deeply for one another. We were moving into a relationship, but he wanted children w/o marriage, and I wanted marriage & a family. Due to his desire to have children the "Michael Jackson" way meaning without having a wife or girlfriend, he went out and found someone who was willing to give him a child that, and that was the end of us being friends or trying to have a relationship.

The problem was, we were two people who actually loved each other but neither one of us would give in to what the other wanted. I definitely was NOT having children w/o a husband, and he definitely did NOT want marriage. Anyway, he ended up having a child the "Michael Jackson" way, and afterwards, the woman who had the baby for him started to put demands on him.

The truth was, she did want a relationship and marriage, but she knew how against it he was so she pretended not to want it. As time went on, she "lost her job", didn't have anywhere to live, couldn't work anymore, didn't have money, no help with the child etc. So, he began providing her with extra money, but he wasn't a rich man, so there was a strain on him having to take care of her, himself and the child.

To make a long story short, she ended up moving into his house as a "roommate" to help him save money. Moving into the house led to sleeping together, and then bingo...a commitment! She had him where she wanted him.

Once she moved into his home, she started to put demands of marriage on him. How the child deserved to have 2 married parents. He wouldn't marry her, and she would let up on him marring her, and this turned the two of them very sour towards each other. He later found out that she had been manipulating him by using the child from the start. That she had never planned to be "co-parents" with him. That she was just using her manipulation skills well to snag a husband.

She isolated friends and family away from him with lies & deceit as well. Anyway, about two years later, we ran into each other again & the same feeling we have prior resurfaced. The love had never died & probably never will.

He has been unhappy and trying to get out of this "relationship' with her for a while now, but he feels stuck and obligated for her care as well as the child's. This is because she has been his "roommate" for several years, has not had a job, and has been completely living off of him. She has become a housewife so to speak.

She makes him feel guilty about her leaving his home, and says how the child will be homeless as well if she has to leave. She really knows how to make him feel bad.

No matter how badly this sounds, we are in love and has always been from the first day we've met, and there's not much that we can do about that. The heart is where the heart is. We don't talk or anything at this time because I have chosen to walk away, and if he wants me then he needs to clean up his life. He made his bed really hard and he's been sleeping in misery for a while now.

This relationship with his child's mother has actually helped him to mature & he now realizes that he should have just done it the correct way the first time with the woman he loved than with the first stranger to raise her hand volunteering to give him a child out of thin air. There are no free lunches in this world and he has gotten this lesson the hard way.

So, I'm not mad at you for still being in love with your ex girlfriend, but you did make your bed hard and it is now time for you to grow up and decide what is best for you & your family. It's time to communicate and stop running when things get tough. These are the lives of people that you're dealing with and it's not wise to make snap decisions.

Rather, the ex wants you back or not is not the basis for either divorcing or staying together with your wife. Work that out without putting the ex in the equation. As much as I love my guy and deeply miss him, this is something that I would want for him to do. I want him to make decisions as a mature man and not an immature boy this time.

We are only human and we do make mistakes. No human on this planet is without mistakes. I just say "learn from them." And, try not to make the same mistake twice. Especially, one of this magnitude because there is a child involved here who didn't ask to be born. You two did this without really thinking it through.

Lastly, from my standpoint, if he does not get it together soon, he will lose me forever. Even though I love him deeply, I am not waiting on him. I am still living my life. He had a chance with me and didn't take it due to his immaturity. I am a beautiful woman with many options and I will soon turn one of my options into a husband, and then too bad for him. Life waits on no one. Good luck with everything!

There millions on millions of men who wish to meet a girl to love and married and start a family with and you are thinking of tying yourself up to this nut?

I suggest you wish him luck in dealing with the mother of his child that he did not wish to have a relationship with and go out and allowed one of those millions of men a chance of finding you.

Oh Loinia, This place don't need a "spell caster" and I can save them their $1000 oh and Greenwitch as well, see I am a witch, so there are two of us here, ready to help anytime. Thanks anyways.

The past is gone, that's why it's called the past. Focus on your wife and your baby.you are married now , so it's no longer about you.if she really loves you as you claim, she will the fact that you are now married and wouldn't want to break your home.

Hello SPAM...I can't imagine a single human being falling for this crap.

This is an old post, i dont know what happened to the original poster but in case you are still wondering, let me tell you the future.... From my current personal experience.
If you stay w your wife, you'll be in a loveless marriage, maybe have more kids and then it will be more difficult to leave. Maybe, in 10 years you'll send an email to that girl you still think about, the one that left, the true love, and maybe she responds, and she tells you her story, she is going thru divorce and has 2 kids. And maybe, ohh surprise, she also thinks of you, she knows you were meant for each other. And now, you have 3 kids, you have learned to live in a loveless marriage, not aggressive, just loveless, for the kids. Now, the decision is tougher, more kids, more time together w wife who is content w the life. And the love of your life free and also thinking of you.
So my advice, just do it now if you truly don't love your wife. Don't wait to be in my shoes.

Often times people discover the issue is not the situation. The issue is how people are scared of dealing with the situation.

I know this is long past and hardly my message will get to the person in question but for any new reading, I hope the message is useful and if it does get to the person in question, even better!

Yes, I can see why you are enthralled by your old girlfriend...she seems like a real gem. A person who doesn't respect a marriage that has a child and writes to you about how she is still in love with you is someone clearly with good values and certainly a partner worth jumping out of a marriage and leaving a child for...that is if you are morally defunct and unable to manage relationships in a healthy way.

a pickle? Really you call standing at the alter speaking vows, deceiving another person into loving you and committing to you, while thinking about how you are letting down your ex a 'pickle'? You destroyer of love and life, you need a 'pickle' to be placed in the usual place you currently keep your head.

What an awful human you are, to have stood at an alter and spoke vows while thinking of your ex. You should be ashamed of yourself and I hope that you end up alone, because you deserve to be alone as you are too selfish to be with anyone else. Did you ever consider that your current marriage is not fitting the bill because of you? Because from what I gather, from day one your passion and your efforts have gone to fantasising about your ex and has left your wife with a half life of a man who cannot love her fully, because you are so obsessed with another and well in truth, really obsessed with what you thinks you should have and not appreciating what you do have and cherishing it, as it could be so much better than what you had with this ex.

But clearly, you are foolish and reckless and you'll destroy lives around you, leave your wife feeling like she isn't getting the life she deserves and not understanding that when you leave her, it wasn't that she was less, but that you are empty and unable to get past your own selfish desires of what you think you deserve.

Read any marriage books, people are opposite, people are often thought that they are incompatible, but the real issue is with how YOU perceive that, that becomes the real issue. You focus on your ex and how perfect it is, meanwhile YOU create the gulf you find in your marriage. It is you that is wanting, not your marriage and not your wife.

I hope this goes to anyone who considers their ex loves while married and especially with children, you destroy lives with your selfishness...so please, plan a life on your own, by yourself, as you are not worthy of love from another person. you deceive another person into loving you, committing to vows and trying in their marriage but it is to a person who is unable to mirror it back.

My pseudonym is a legacy to this and I hope the message gets out to every selfish man, who began a relationship whilst playing games with his ex, still gets married and leaves a wife with a half-life and sees the blame in the person they marry, instead of seeing what an empty and incapable of true love and commitment person they are and how they've wasted another person's life trying to work on something that was an impossible feat.

I hope this message gets out to anyone who is in the position of this man - you are empty, vile and need to be alone and grow-up A LOT before you engage with any other person. For the ex, you are disgusting. And for the wife, it isn't your fault if your marriage ended because your husband placed more effort on thinking about his ex and his ex, was so morally defunct that encouraging this hope to a man who is married with a child, left you with very little support in a situation that was being overrun with unhealthy people and unhealthy values.

I'm in almost the same situation as you.
I was in a relationship, we broke up because we wanted different things, and had problems communicating. My ex wanted to work abroad, I did'nt want her to go, but she did anyway. While she was abroad I hooked up with another woman, she proposed, and I said yes. Mostly out of desperation and because I felt really lonely and depressed. I realize now I should not have married this woman. She also appears to be really controling.
I miss my ex like crazy, and we have started seeing each other, I'm not unfaithful though.
My advice is to follow your heart, but take care of your child. Good look!

Did you ever think maybe the girlfrend is a pipe dream an extension of a wish The grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe, its not that great, but looks so were you stand. Its easy to give up the ship and do the easy thing. Hormones are boiling and lust is brewing. Lust is not love but they both seem good. Be creative go back to your wife, treat her how you want to be treated. Take her out and date, step it up before you bring it down. I wish my husband did that who knows maybe he would been shocked on how much I had to give and he did not try.

Dear @kitperkinsUK

I really want to give you a big and tight hug for what you wrote in here for this man. I'm in a similar situation and I have just wrote my story here: http://able2know.org/topic/342696-1#post-6263764

I just figured out that my husband got married to me as his rebound. I really wish someone like you stand bold and loud to say all this at my husband too. You nailed it in your words.