12
   

I'm 16 and my mothers verbally and sometimes physically abusive. What do I do?

 
 
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 05:12 am
Hi, I've never really done this before and it feels a little weird and uncomfortable discussing stuff like this on the Internet with people I don't know but I don't know what else to do and I really need some help, so thanks.

Anyway, I'm 16, I'm a junior in high school and I live in Louisiana with my mother. Last summer I tried to commit suicide (overdose) after my mother (who was 15 when she had me) told me that I was 'a stupid bitch' (among other things) and she wished she'd had an abortion. I was in the hospital for a few days then i was transferred to Children's Psychiatric hospital for about a week and they put me on Lexapro and diagnosed me with severe anxiety and major depression. Since then I've been seeing a counselor at my school and we've talked about some stuff but I've been holding all of my anger and hurt inside since I was like 12 years old. I don't know how to open up and let everything out.I've tried but I can't so even though I've started counseling I feel like the depressions getting worse.

Most of this is because of my mother. Yesterday we had an argument about earphones (yeah, seriously) and she claimed they were hers and I was like no they're mine and I told her she had left hers in the car and 'apparently' I had an attitude and she didn't like what I said or how I said it so she just started taking my stuff. She took my cellphone, my earphones, books, etc. and then she was like" I'm sick of you. I can't wait until you get the f*** out of my house " then she was threatening to 'slam my head into the wall' if I get an attitude with her again and she kept calling me a ugly fat bitch and it just went on and on. She uses that insult alot 'ugly fat bitch', when I was about 13, I got really chubby and my mother hated it and called me fat and wanted me to try all these diets and made me run on her treadmil for an hour everyday and I just never really lost the weight until I turned 14 and I got taller, but I was still (and still am) 'fat' in her eyes and now I have an issue with my weight. People say I'm not fat but i know im far from skinny. Im 5'1 and im 135 pounds. I used to be bulimic and a cutter, no one really knows about that. I'm really trying not to go back to that.

Anyway, back to my mother. She's verbally abusive and sometimes she hits me (slaps me in the face/punches me in the back) and a few weeks ago she beat me because I rolled my eyes and talked back to her. She made me go in my room, take off my clothes and she hit me with a belt about 5 or 6 times while I was in my underwear, like I was a 10 year old or something. I told my counselor and she was going to report it but I begged her not to and she didn't but now I'm starting to regret it. I'll be 17 this April and whenever my mother hurts me I just tell myself that in one more year I'll be done with high school and I could go away to college and never come back but I don't think I can wait that long.
I need to get away now or I might not even be alive next year. I can't keep doing this.

So, I guess with all my rambling and whining, what I really need to know is how can I get away from her? What do I do? I have a grandmother that lives close by and I wanna live with her and have her as my legal guardian but I know that that would cause problems between her and my mother and I don't know if my grandma wants to get involved. Any advice or suggestions? Should I just suck it up or run away or what?
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Question • Score: 12 • Views: 9,924 • Replies: 47

 
Below viewing threshold (view)
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 06:52 am
I am surprised that social services have not been called in. Counselors are legally obligated to report parents who abuse children in situations like you have described.

Your mother and you really don't get along. Things are escalating.

Is there a relative or friend you could go live with?
Below viewing threshold (view)
MiniMe16
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 07:16 am
@Fido,
I think I understand some of what you're saying, but I'm a little confused about the rest of it.

This is what I got out of it: You think my mom is just a brutally honest parent and that I should suck it up, listen to what shes saying, ignore the insults and beatings and forgive her because shes my mom and shes probably the only person who cares about me? Right?

So, this is normal? All parents treat their kids like **** and we're suppose to just shut up and take it?
0 Replies
 
MiniMe16
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 07:30 am
@PUNKEY,
My counselor was going to report it but I begged her not to. I was scared I guess. She gave me the number to Mobile Crisis and told me to call them and/or her if my mother hits me again.

Me and my mother never got along. Ever. This isn't something that just started happening.

There's my grandma but I don't know if she'd let me live with her because it would most likely cause problems between them. I have a friend that lives down the street. Her parents are nice but I'm not sure they'd let me move in or anything. I have an aunt and uncles but my aunt lives in Alabama and both of my uncles live in a different city and my dad was killed 3 years ago.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 08:29 am
It is not unusual for teen girls and their mothers to buck heads.

In fact, it's quite common. (the Chinese symbol for war is two women under the same roof)

But what you describe is a little over the top.

Why don't you just ask your grandparents to stay there just for a week.

Put some space between you and your mom.

Counseling would help. Would she go?

MiniMe16
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 09:55 am
@PUNKEY,
I'll ask my grandma then talk to my mom about staying with my grandma for a week. I really want to move out though....

I doubt she'd go to counceling. She barely said anything at the family session I had before I left the psychiatric hospital.
Below viewing threshold (view)
firefly
 
  4  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 12:23 pm
@MiniMe16,
Quote:
My counselor was going to report it but I begged her not to. I was scared I guess. She gave me the number to Mobile Crisis and told me to call them and/or her if my mother hits me again.

What were you scared would happen if the counselor reported it?

I think the counselor was wrong not to report what you told her, she was obligated to report it--you are describing child abuse.

I'm not sure you should wait until she hits you again before you report it, her abusive treatment, of various types, seems rather continuous and there is no reason you should go on living with that.

Do you still see a psychiatrist for the Lexapro? If so, go to see that doctor and ask him/her to report how your mother treats you, if you don't want to report her to CPS yourself, although you certainly have the option of calling them yourself.

I think you need to report what is going on so that you feel empowered and not trapped in that situation for another year. I think that will help to lessen your feelings of depression. And your mother needs some external control, like CPS, to keep her from at least physically abusing and threatening you. And she likely would benefit from therapy to help her deal with her feelings toward you and her verbal/emotional abuse, and a court might order such treatment.

If you report the abuse, or someone does it for you, you can request to be legally removed from your home, perhaps to live with your grandmother, or even to go into foster care for a year if there is no option of living with a relative. Either of those alternatives would probably be better than remaining where you are.

One way the effect of emotional abuse is evaluated is by the impact on the child. You've already made a suicide attempt, and you say you feel your current depression is increasing. That's why you have to act in your own best interest, and report what is going on, and how it is affecting you, and stop trying to shield your mother from the legal consequences of her abusive behavior. All that is likely to happen to your mother is that she'll be told to stop physically abusing and threatening you, and possibly ordered to attend parenting classes or go into therapy. But she'll get the message that her mistreatment of you is wrong and unacceptable. And the benefit to you would be to help you legally get out of your house and be placed elsewhere until you go off to college.

You have the legal power to curb your mother's abusive treatment of you, and to alter your current living situation, and I think you should try to use it.
sozobe
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 12:56 pm
I see that Fido's posts are getting voted down, but just to say specifically, MiniMe16, he seems to be projecting his own experiences or something... certainly not helpful in your situation!

While teenaged girls and their mothers often clash, yes, what you are describing is way beyond the usual clashes and into something really destructive.

Maybe just talk to your grandma first and see what she has to say. Then go from there.

Sorry you are in this situation.
MiniMe16
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 02:35 pm
@Fido,
Umm... When you say 'who sprung me and why?' Do you mean who made me go to the psychiatric hospital or who let me out?
After I took the pills my mom found me in my room and I was unconscious so she called the ambulance. I went to the hospital and they did some stuff (I don't remember) and then maybe a day later they transferred me to a psych hospital. That's how I got there.

Now, if you meant who let me out of the psych hospital, it was the doctors (duh). Most patients don't stay there for more than a week anyway so after about a week of learning about coping skills, group therapy and 20mg of Lexapro the docs thought I was ready to go home.

And what makes you think I'm abusive or disobedient? What exactly did I say to make you think that? I may be disobedient sometimes and 'talk back' when she's wrong but I never do more than that. When my mom goes of I just sit there and take it. You sure are making alot of assumptions when you obviously don't know what the hell you're talking about.

I have anger issues you say? Umm, ok. Don't know where you got that from either... But maybe you should speak for yourself. You sound far more upset and angry than I do.

And you also said that my mother cares about me and I'm the one who's ruining our relationship. Uh...so... telling your kid you wish you had an abortion when you were pregnant with them, cursing them out and beating and bullying them just because you can is a way to show affection? Wow! Silly me! I'll go home right now, get a belt and beat me mom with it as I tell her how fat she's getting and what an ugly bitch she is so that she knows how much I love her.
Thanks for the advice Fido! You're a big help.



Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 02:56 pm
@MiniMe16,
Good for you, Mimime. You're seeming a lot healthier than you'd indicated. Read carefully what Firefly and Soz wrote.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 03:05 pm
Extraordinary spelling, puncuation, vocabulary and writing for a 16 year old.
sozobe
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 03:11 pm
@PUNKEY,
Which happens. My 11-year-old writes at that level.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 03:27 pm
@MiniMe16,
Minime

Can I ask what happened to your father 3 years ago? And, whether the majority of all of this got worse at that point between you and your Mother?

You reference 13... I am wondering about her coping skills over the death, not that, that is an excuse don't get me wrong.

If you have been cutting, I hope you have stopped that. The rush is only immediate and it's not worth doing, it really only covers up the pain..

You do need to get out of there, it's the only way you will start to be you again and maybe she can heal as well as obviously, she is not coping with life at all.

Having said that, there has to be some love there, she called the ambulance, remember that, so she doesn't wish you were dead at all..
Below viewing threshold (view)
MiniMe16
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 04:46 pm
@firefly,
I dont really know what I was scared of. Lots of things I guess, I mean, what would happen to my mother if it was reported? Nothing probably, all that would do is piss her off more and make everything worse. Or what if I reported her and they sent me to a group home or foster care where things are worse? Things with my mother (I hate calling her 'mom') are bad now but I'm not stupid enough to think that this is as bad as it could get. Some kids go through way worse with their parents. 'I' could go through way more stuff somewhere else. And if my own mother doesn't give a **** about me, then how could someone else at some foster care or group home? That's what Im scared of I guess. I don't know what to do...

I haven't taken my Lexapro in a couple of months. I have sessions with my counselor every Tuesday from 1-2 pm at school but I have a doctor (not sure if she's a psychiatrist) that I'm supposed to see every month and she prescribes the Lexapro. My mother and grandma weren't taking me to the appointments to see the doctor so I wasn't getting my prescriptions but my counselor called my grandma recently about it and now I have an appointment with my doctor on March 6. I'll talk to the doctor about my mother when I see her. I keep a journal because I have trouble talking during my counseling sessions, so my counselor just reads what I write and we discuss it. I have everything about my mother in there. I'll give it to the doctor so that I dont really have to say anything out loud.

Thank you firefly. Alot of what you said about calling CPS and everything that would happen after that sounds a whole lot easier said than done. I dont know... thats great advice though, thank you. I'll think about everything you said.
MiniMe16
 
  4  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 04:51 pm
@sozobe,
Thank you.
Yeah Fido has some issues. Like, WTF?

I plan on talking to her today about it. I got out of school a few hours ago and instead of going to my mother's house I took the bus to my grandmas. She's working now but she should be home soon.
MiniMe16
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Feb, 2012 04:51 pm
@Ragman,
Thank you. :-)
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » I'm 16 and my mothers verbally and sometimes physically abusive. What do I do?
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.05 seconds on 03/22/2019 at 06:59:13