A Real Discovery

Forums: Marriage, Antiromance
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Over on facebook, someone posted "A boy spends his time looking for a woman to sleep with, a real man spends his time looking for someone worth waking up to." I posted, just being me, that an older man realizes he'd rather do without than spend his time arguing over the proper way to fold the laundry and load the dishwasher. " Hardy har har and okay.

Then I realized that after years of marriage that's actually exactly how I feel. Marriage is one long string of events where you argue over petty crap (almost all the big arguments start that way), try to change yourself against your instincts for your partner and many times ask them to do the same, and become a convenient scapegoat for whatever they don't like or for what (real or imagined) went wrong ( and you do that to them as well). Who needs that ****?

I have LOTS of friendly acquaintances, a couple of real friends, great kids,
two affectionate cats, and enough memories in my sex roledex that I can masturbate in 10 minutes and then go to sleep on the WHOLE bed. I can do as I please, when I please as long as Stephen is looked after and somehow I manage to have a clean organized house, wipe my own ass and run my own program without interference. I'm NEVER looking to fall in love again. Laughing

PS I'm not angry or bitter in any way, I love my ex and will always help her if she ever should need it, so don't think this is a rant. It's not.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,244 • Replies: 11

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@blueveinedthrobber,

One samrt person said: Marriage in life is like a duel in the middle of a battle... Sounds like you have been nicked a few times.

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@Fido,

My ex, well known on this site, is a lovely girl. It just didn't work out for us is all.

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Margaret Mead said that women need to get married 3 times. First for frolic and sex, next for a good man to take care of them and help raise the kids, and the last time for companionship.

I sure had the first two. After losing my 2nd husband to colon cancer 2 1/2 years ago, I am not even sure if I want that 3rd step. I seem to be quite comfortable with myself.

I do like the idea of lovers, once in a while though, but nothing more than that.

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Someone tagged my post anti romance. Not true at all. Romance is fleeting and fades eventually. Lasting love, agape love then either takes over or doesn't. IMHO.

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@blueveinedthrobber,

I agree and it wasn't me who tagged. I didn't have the same kind of marriage you are talking about but it also, uh, flagged. We pretty much left each other to our interests and they generally coalesced, thus part of our attraction in the first place. It worked for quite a while.

I think you are talking about rules with expectations, and I both get those as being a good idea and don't have much experience with that from either side. So, listening.

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@ossobuco,

I plain old love your ex.

I'm taking this thread as not aiming at her.

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@ossobuco,

absolutely positively not aimed towards her. I will always love my ex.

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@blueveinedthrobber,

Right. Me too, in my way, re mine.
So we are talking about the nature of marriage, and not marriage..

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@blueveinedthrobber,

Well what happens when you can't wipe your own ass ?

Just asking....

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Well what happens when you can't wipe your own ass ?

Just asking....

Hire someone to do it then. That's no reason for a partner. In addition, when I get that fucked up, I probably won't realize I'm shitty anyway. Laughing

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@blueveinedthrobber,

In 2 years, we've had a couple of spats that last 2 minutes, never argued, share the housework, date every weekend, laugh every day, kiss each other good morning every morning, talked of travel, future, present, worked on building wealth together, share the same morals, ideas, passions in life...

My ex was the opposite.

I am so independent it's not funny but on the same accord, if your "partner" is one that allows you to be you, can compromise and helps out where is the need for arguements? If you both work it together.

I think age has a lot to do with it, the realisation of how a relationship works and can work, with the right partner.

If you are best friends and independent as well, it will never feel like a "marriage".

At some point, having all that freedom ends up making you lonely and wanting that "companion".. There is such a thing as a good marriage, you just have to never "settle" for "someone" to fill a void without knowing fully that all the boxes of how you think about life, seem to be ticked.. To many people settle, through lonliness or a dream, or chemistry, or don't really know the inner person...

Marriage is a piece of paper, it shouldn't be a death sentence of un-happiness, it should be a togetherness of laughter and fun with responsibilities and bonding.

It can happen...

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