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why women accept the double standard of wandering eyes

 
 
Reply Fri 3 Feb, 2012 11:46 pm
It is already known that society has a double standard between how men can behave sexually and how women can behave sexually. If a man hooks up with two girls simultaneously he may be envied by his guys friends, but if a girl did the same thing she would be considered a whore. So why is it that women today accept the fact that their men check out other women? My boyfriend told one of his guy friends that he "would do naughty things" to a bunch of attractive girls in his college classes. He said this is typical guy talk and although I'm not sure if he is stretching that truth, i think its immoral and unfair that it is acceptable for guys in committed relationships to lust after other women. Some say girls do it too but I personally do not. My boyfriend is the only man I look at, so why should I accept his wondering eyes and lusting thoughts?
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 4 Feb, 2012 08:54 am
@51girlie15,
Gee, you've got an awful load of assumptions about society and people there.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Feb, 2012 09:39 am
@51girlie15,
http://able2know.org/topic/184082-1
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Feb, 2012 10:07 am
@51girlie15,
To take a rational look at what you are asking here, let’s substitute something else for “wandering eyes” and see if your questions and sensibilities can be perceived in a different light. Let’s use, “use no makeup” or “watch lots of television” or “enjoy playing golf”…as substitutes for “having wandering eyes.”


Quote:
Some say girls do it (have wandering eyes) too but I personally do not.


With the substitutes, this becomes:

Some girls use lots of makeup, but personally I do not! Some girls watch lots of television, but personally I do not. Some girls enjoy playing golf, but personally I do not.

In these hypotheticals, you acknowledge you think there is something wrong with wearing lots of makeup; with watching lots of television; with enjoying playing golf--or at least, that the alternative is preferable.

So…you would not wear lots of makeup; not watch lots of television; and not play golf…and hopefully, you would be tolerant of people who do all those things. Unless, of course, you are an intolerant person.

You seem to think there is something wrong with “wandering eyes.” So…don’t allow your eyes to wander…and be tolerant of people who do. Unless, of course, you are an intolerant person.

If you are intolerant...the problem changes from "wandering eyes" (about which you can do nothing)...to personally being intolerant (which you can do lots about.)
0 Replies
 
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Feb, 2012 11:10 am
Welcome to a2k 51. You've raised a good question and I'm sure there will be conflicting views from men and women.
Quote:
My boyfriend is the only man I look at, so why should I accept his wondering eyes and lusting thoughts?

I don't think you have to accept his wandering eyes and lusting thoughts as long as you are up-front with him about the way it bothers you.
Perhaps as you mature your self confidence will grow and it won't be a significant issue anymore.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Feb, 2012 04:06 am
@51girlie15,
Society does have lots of double standards, and it's not all one way traffic. Women get away with things that men don't. Men get away with things that women don't. Only the politcally correct 'gender equality' think we should be treated exactly the same.

In terms of 'wondering eyes' - I don't see it as an issue if it's just looking. It would be silly to say that the thing that made him attracted to you in the first place (his sexual drive & attraction to the opposite sex) should just switch off as soon as he meets you - it doesn't work that way. Going down the genetic line, men are programmed to hunt, while women are programed to acquire - which explains the difference in attitudes between men & women (these are generalisations only). Much more important (by many, many times) to his loyalty to you is his morals, self esteem, and attitudes. .

That he tells his friends that he 'would do naughty things' is not good, but 'may' just be bragging. That would be difficult to tell.

Quote:
i think its immoral and unfair that it is acceptable for guys in committed relationships to lust after other women
Who said it was acceptable? And why do other peoples thoughts on it's 'acceptability' matter? The only view that matters regarding this in your relationship is yours & your partner's (ie. whether or not they are compatible)

By the way, is it unfair that men must (in most instances) approach women / ask the women out? Is it unfair that women can be bi-sexual and be accepted (and guys think it's hot), but bi-sexual men are reviled (girls usually find this repulsive)? Is it unfair that vulnerabl women can get help from men (& women if they aren't being manipulative), while vulnerable men are avoided by women & men (unless they are friends). Personally, I don't think of these things as fair or unfair - it's just the way it is. What you really want to ask is :

- what am I prepared to accept
- what makes me happy
- what makes me unhappy
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sun 5 Feb, 2012 06:56 pm
Lust is a human condition, showing it or not showing it is a matter of courtesy.
Women lust too. I hope that is not news. It's what you do about it that matters.
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Ceili
 
  3  
Reply Sun 5 Feb, 2012 07:59 pm
@51girlie15,
Your boyfriend is not neccessarily a letch. He's guilty of locker room talk. The boys were having a pissing contest. All men do it, women too. It's normal and natural and it was a private conversation, none of your business...
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sun 5 Feb, 2012 10:04 pm
Did he make these comments in front of you? If so, he is rude.
If you overheard them, ignore it. It was just dick measuring talk.

Watch what he does, not what he says.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Feb, 2012 10:21 pm
@51girlie15,
Quote:
I look at, so why should I accept his wondering eyes and lusting thoughts?


If you don't like how your boyfriend acts, then leave him. Why stay in a relationship that isn't working? There probably are women who would be happy with him the way he is, and there are probably men who would behave the way you think they should. You don't have the right to try to change him and it wouldn't work even if you did.

Personally I think you have every right to hook up with two men simultaneously and to check out other men. I would be upset with any man who tried to tell you otherwise.
0 Replies
 
 

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