guy talk- does this cross the line?

Reply Fri 3 Feb, 2012 11:25 pm
I saw a text convo my boyfriend had with a friend of his that's in a bunch of classes with him. His friend was saying how their student teacher, whose a grad student, is so annoying and my boyfriend replied with "yeah but I wanna see her naked. I would do naughty things to her. Actually, there are a lot of girls in our classes I would do naughty things to". I calmly confronted him about it and he said he felt terrible for hurting me, he just doesn't think sometimes and that he would never cheat on me it was just guy talk with his friend. I understand guys find other girls attractive but I think him saying he'd do naughty things to them crosses that line. Is it normal and okay for guys to think these things and to talk about it even when their in a relationship or should I be worried his eyes are wondering too much? I'd like to hear from guys that are in a committed relationship- do you have similar thoughts and say things like what my boyfriend said even though you love your girlfriend?
Reply Fri 3 Feb, 2012 11:48 pm
While I can say honestly yes for me that it theoretically could happen, that doesn't change how you're feeling. He and you need to talk and work on building back some of the trust that is lost. He may not have EVER cheated on you, however he should try to focus his energy elsewhere. He does have the right to let his mind wander.

Perhaps also you should not be snooping on his phone. What you did also indicates a lack of trust.
Reply Fri 3 Feb, 2012 11:54 pm
We've had trust issues before on this same subject and broke up over it. We got back together 2 months ago and I wanted to see if he kept his promise that stuff like this would stop. Not sure how often it occurs... The odds of me catching it both times is slim. He sounds sincere every time he apologizes, but I feel like he won't change his focus.
Reply Sat 4 Feb, 2012 01:22 am
Talk is cheap = does not amount to much.

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Reply Sat 4 Feb, 2012 07:21 am
This is just guy talk. I assume you are teenagers, right? If this is all you found on his phone you are fine.
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Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2012 04:11 pm
Communication is the key, there are personal boundries that both need to take into consideration and work towards.

If this is your second attempt to have him stop doing something you personally don't like (and bare in mind, you can not afford to be in-secure in a relationship, as it almost always fails from doing such things as you are, snooping which then poses questions in your mind that are either true or false only you will never know until something factual happens, therefore, you will always wonder and therefore, your relationship will always be under stress,) and he hasn't acknowledged it as being something that really bothers you, therefore stopped it, as to why you broke up, then will he? Probably not.

Having said that, it is a boys thing so should he stop? If it is only words?

You have to discuss what you like and don't like, why, reason why, and see if it is really your in-security that is the problem not so much his words, or if it is your morals and therefore, you can't accept that type of behaviour in which case, you have to question your relationship.
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Joe Nation
Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2012 04:14 pm
Stop snooping.
If you don't trust him, leave him.

If you feel like you can't trust any male, start shopping for a psychologist.

Joe(you'll need one. --No more Snooping)Nation
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Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2012 04:15 pm
I wouldn't trust you. Period. It was a private conversation on his phone. You broke the trust, he didn't.
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Reply Fri 10 Feb, 2012 12:18 pm
Men his age have sexual thoughts VERY often - like every 15 seconds. His mistake was writing down everything he thinks. Texting like that can even show up on his or someone else's Facebook acct. So that should be of concern to him.

But the big issue is why you are peeking at his private texts. What has he done or said that makes you feel you need to check up on his private life?
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Reply Fri 10 Feb, 2012 04:50 pm
i say some pretty raunchy stuff sometimes too. I have no problem making sexual jokes with my friends and god help an attractive man that walks by us while we are chatting. He and his behind will be the subject of our conversation every which way for quite a while.

I would never cheat.

What I SAY does not indicate what I would DO.

humans are attractive.
if you are jealous of him watching another girl you have some issues you need to deal with. He isnt blind, do not expect him to act as such. There is no problem with noticing, just a problem with acting..
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