Christmas

Jodie, that's old-fashioned... You know, where the Woman does "everything" within the home.. I can appreciate what you did, it was there written in your words, you went to a lot of effort, alot. But, no one appreciated any of it...

Kids are different these days, even in their 30's. I bet when they were children, you spoilt them wrotten and I bet you've carried that on as well with your husband.

It's hard to appreciate when it's always there.. does that make sense? So your words will be left on deaths ears.

My sister-in-law always has Christmas lunch with her family, dinner with ours which ends of being left overs. That's not fair to my parents either and it's being going on for 25 years. This year, I decided to do something to give my parents the opportunity of having a "family" Christmas lunch.. I invited them and my fiance's parents and his "Step-Dad" the oldies had the best time, all sitting around eating 3 courses of a proper Christmas lunch... I got all the thanks I needed, just by watching them enjoy themselves and then I made my sister-in-law, brother and family come up here for "left-overs" and enjoyed opening all the presents with the family including cleaning up... Alot of prep went into that as well, including what you went through, decorations, cleaning, preparing food, cooking and cooking and cooking and cleaning up

You are tired of ALL of it, over and over and over.

But, see you have been looking after them all, all of your life... You are tired and want someone to look after you.. You probably couldn't fathom the thought of being sick and no one took over, nor would I..But, then I have "balls" and I don't mean that nastily rather, if I'm sick I talk, insist on the help, let it be known that I can't possibly do it all, same with prep and cleaning before the big day.. I can imagine that you probably didn't ask at all.

You have to have a voice to be heard.

Year after next, make yourself heard. By all means do the lunch but that's it..Your husband knows how to use a BBQ, he knows I am sure how to turn an oven on... Sit him down and talk to him, communicate.

And, if I was you, I'd start right now... Let him know you've played housewife for TOO LONG and it's Jodie's turn, time out... Things have to change and change now around that house... And, you need a night out here and there, once a month even, eating out... And, when it's your turn for Xmas, you need his helping hand and support in "speaking" whilst your family are there, such as "come on you lot, give Mum a break, lets do the dishes" and plan that BBQ .

If you don't speak no one is going to listen.

That's probably true, but never at my house or at either of my cousin's houses. Everyone involved in some way, if only buying pies. My cousin's husband made two kinds of cranberry dishes, one of the son's handled the potatoes and their timing, and so on. Husband cut the turkey or ham. Other cousins brought a second turkey and second dressing, and sometimes it was us with the second turkey. One of the cousins' husbands was turkey commander when the event was at their house. And so on. What is this woman as slave thing in 2011?

I admit I was lucky, my husband hated his mother's cooking and when he moved in with me got really interested in food. He was later a better cook than I am, and I'm not a bad one, most of the time, or didn't use to be. In daily life, whoever cooked didn't have do do the dishes, but the other one helped put away stuff and talked. When we went to his parents, of course they cooked their way, but we set the table, did dishes, and so on.

The martyr thing, I can understand it, but it's at the heart of passive aggressive behavior.

I looked up one or two of the old threads and think some of us mentioned passive aggression before. Read about it, it could really help. I think a whole lot of us have some aspects of that, but we need to be aware of it.

Essentially, you have trained your sons and husband. Or some version of that, they trained you. Or you started out as subservient and resentful, which I can understand from an older woman, which I am one of. It's not too late to learn to talk explaining what you need, expect, re respect and listening. Not that you have never talked, but I don't take it you communicated. It's not all you, but this is not all about others either.

Thanks for your message . I went out with a friend for lunch today and we also did some shopping. I really think, I am over worked and not appreciated and after while a person just can't do it anymore. I have talked to my husband and he has agreed to start helping out. I love my children and grandchildren dearly but I just can't continue doing it all. Believe me, I have always spoiled my children and husband.