friend house very un-hygienic- how to tell him?

Without hurting him - or his feelings? You can't. Stay away.

Sounds like his kids are being neglected. This is an issue for social services/child protective services, and whatever they are referred to as where you live -- they should be called. A pair of two-year-olds should not be living in squalor and eating food off the floor. Being a slob is one thing, but this sounds like child endangerment.

I was thinking the same thing jes

you can make the call anonymously

Is this a single dad?

Encourage him to get help. Perhaps hiring an older woman to come in and teach (help) him set some standards for a clean house. Perhaps if you were able, you might consider paying for this at least at the beginning.

Do NOT start cleaning up this mess yourself.

I doubt if American social services will come out because of a dirty house. Can you imagine the caseload, if bad housekeeping were the criteria?

Are the children being fed? THAT might be a reason to call. Anything else is housekeeping.

Of Course CPS will come out if the children are living in an environment that endangers them.

What are you thinking punkey?

I am saying that if this person should call Social Services, don't say it's because of a dirty house. That describes all our houses, at one time or another.

This person needs to hone in on child endangerment or neglect as a reason to call.

I think you are trying to be too sensitive here. Something like this would probably work: "Man, this place is a pig sty. What is going on here? Is that a used diaper?? Man, WTF? Don't let your children live like this!"

Well duh.

the OP has already stated.....

House is filthy. Food lying on the floor which his2 year old twins eat.. Used diper lying around the house... And lot more

That indicates to CPS there is a potential neglect abuse situation going on.

Toddlers eating food from dirty floors, dirty diapers lying around are health hazards.

This is not dust bunnies under the bed.

Twins in a unhygienic house--- does really mean the children are neglected?
We do not know anything about the relationship between father and children.
He might take care of them so much he forgets about hygiene.

I think you should first of all talk with your friend about the situation and tell him how things should be and do as someone suggest get a person to help clean up and teach how to get the house in order and keep it that way.
You can also say that it is clearly a thing for social services and it would be awful if the children were taken away.

But to call the social services behind his back without any warning is really really nasty. Any good friend would not do that.
A friend tries to help.

I do not mean that sometimes it is necessary to call social services, but in this case first talk with him.

What this person is describing is not the dirty house of a busy parent, but a parent who is neglectful to the point of putting his children's health in danger. A professional social worker can evaluate and recommend if the parent just needs some guidance or if the problems are bigger than that. I believe you should always base your decisions on the side of what is best for the children.

As to the problem with a cousin eating junk food - odds are they will not listen and don't care what you have to say. If the cousin asks for your advice you can give it, but otherwise you are powerless to make them change.

A huge part of caring for children is providing adequate hygience that they aren't exposed to spoiled food, and old diapers with feces and or urine.

I think the definition of caring for a child is keeping them in a safe/clean environment.

What aspects of "taking care of them" are you talking about saab?

^this

Soiled diapers lying around and food on the floor likely also means vermin. This is not a few unmade beds or dirty dishes in the sink. Protecting the father's feelings or his criminal record is not what should be foremost in the OP's mind - protecting the children should. And if it's not neglect, then it could be clinical depression on the part of the father - neglecting to throw away soiled diapers is not a normal state of affairs. Walking on eggshells around this subject won't get him any help, either.

Yes, I know, people do not normally wish to get involved, but that is precisely what we were asked about in the original post.

The few times I've seen this situation in newspapers CPS does not get involved, as it's judging what is "clean," they say.

I know people like this. Vermin, roaches, dirty filthy everything. What to do? Do what you feel comfortable with: Help clean the place, call CPS even if it's to ask is the situation dangerous to children, or call behind the dad's back. Give him a piece of your mind about the filth? I think you know what the answer would be to that.

I had this very same discussion on another Forum about me. Well not me personally, my neigbours.

I tried myself, to scare them... they cleaned up (once)...

It didn't work.

These children live in this filth.. Their yards would be over grown probably, full of junk as well, bringing in rats.. Trust me, I've seen them in my back yard and mine is looked after.

My neighbours house is worse I bet that what you have experienced. Cat litter and feces all over the floor.. Dishes pilled up on the sink days old. Egg cartons, milk cartons screwn across the dining room amongst anything they haven't found room for as they are hoarders... And a walk way in-between.. Their bodies stink, I've taken them to the shops and nearly passed out, their kids nails are black, clothes filthy.

Now their front yard is a junk yard.

They have two cats, two dogs that I feed, a bird (had two one flew aways as it's allowed to fly inside dropping well it's droppings) a turtle I think unless it's dead, the dog killed a cat in the back yard which I tried to save.

Anyways.. The bottom line is this. The kids are feral, yet so loving and they love their parents... They rebel.. They answer back, refuse to go into the car , yet you hear them "Daddy, where are you"... Yet the F word started to come out, the parents were un-able to control themselves.. .I stepped in again..

One day, not so long ago Daddy, picked his daughter up as he had, had enough and he threw her on the matress in the loungeroom, yep everything in that house..

I was watering the garden and saw this.. The blinds then got closed, the doors are now always shut... What goes on I don't know... I established earlier though that the 2 year old little girl and 4 year old little boy was in the bathtub on their own, whilst the parents were outside, having a cigarette talking to me...I told her to go inside having found that out.... She eventually did.

One day, later, not long ago the little girl ended up in hospital with suspected epilepsy ...

I think not.. I think it was the day that Daddy threw her onto that matress... There was a temper going on and I went off my tree, you can imagine we are now only civil and behind closed doors who knows.

I sent an anonymous letter as they cut a bush on their side that grew beautifully over my side after, just before my Engagement party, killing it... I have animals. That was two years ago from the talk about using the F word, I have an 11 year old step-daughter... They stopped, a little, I sent a letter.

Nothing happened from that letter but I have an obligation to those children..I tried the kindy just recently, nothing yet has happened.

Today my cat was in theirs, and there was a fight, he came out, I came out, he saw me, walked back in.

There is a fear about what he would do to my animals... But, there is an obligation to re-send that letter for those children...

I've told you this because.. Friends turn into enemies you can count your true friends on one had. AND:)

Children are more important... They need you...

If their yard is a mess, try the Council first.

If their kids are filthy try their kindegarten.

If that doesn't work, an anonymous letter to the Police.

But please don't view friendship ever over possible abuse.

I guess my next step is to be more serious.

I agree the children are the most important.
Do you know skelk and know that what is reported is absolutely correct?
Do you know that it is always this dirty or if it is sometimes?
Do you really think one should behind the back call the social services without first talking with a friend and try to find a solution to the problem? The children should be protected and the father learn how to keep the house clean.
Do you really trust the social services 100%? I certainly don´t. I would do everything first to help my friend and as the last step openly call the social services.

We had something like this in our neighbourhood. Twins - single mother - dirty diapers, food on the floor /which was eaten by the dogs and not the kids). One child handicapped and social services did not do a damn thing. The mother married into a very clean family and the kids stayed there after she became an ancoholic and moved out. They got a loving caring family which probably would not happened if the had been taken away and seperated.

This is my take.

Off course not until the OP answers what she/he I assume she can relate to or not it's an insight for her/him to view.

My point is I be-friended these people for 4 years , I don't judge... But, you have to see outside that "bubble" and be alert. Do you not?

I get that you don't assume, interfere, however, if you "see" as a result of not being blinded by friendship, something, then you have to act.

This is my dilema too if you read what I wrote, those children love their parents it would be wrong of me to destroy that just on neglect.. However, how do you know there is not anything more? Just as how you asked me, how I know it's not just hygene.

This is where the line can be crossed, I saw, she hasn't.. It is wrong to delve into people's lives, snoop and try to catch out, it's their lives, but if the facts are before you what then do you do?

Right now the Father is helling...at the little girl...

What would you do?

Helling = the same as screaming or the same as hitting?
It is always a thin line to walk on when you feel there is something wrong in another family.
I have three friends who all have daughters who are/were anorexia. No matter how much they talked about it with me I could not even try to start to say something about it might be in the family and the girls might need profesional help. It was always something "from outside". All three girls ended up in psychriatic hospital and were forced to eat.
There you have walking sceletons and parents refuse to see it, doctors cannot get them to accept that there is a psychological illness. And you certainly don´t involve social services in this case - school does not, doctors don´t.
Maybe it is better to have a mother who yell at you and scream, but can see the problems and understand you than a "good" mother who tries everything to get you to eat, but cannot see you are anorexia.

Seems we have crossed paths that are not of our concern and therefore, find ways to find the good side... Not the bad.

Still I can not shake, seeing that "shake"....

I am sure that makes sense

Interesting, with Found Soul in Australia, you in Sweden, and myself in the US. So as far as the anorexia thing goes, that probably does come under the heading things that the schools must - not may, report. I can see good and bad things about they system, but there really are things schools and, I believe doctors are required to report. This just might be one of them.