Maybe, I've been on my own too long . . .

It's not easy. I got married at fourty and had become so accustomed to doing things my own way that I feel violated when questioned about putting a chair here or hanging a picture there. It's all about compromise. Make sure he's worth it or you will surely resent his imput. About anything.

eoe, Good point but right now a man is very hypothetical.

My marriage was fairly free of "don't put that chair there!" type interchange, and not constraining really on each other's enjoyment of whatever interested us. I don't have any personal difficult examples to point to, and still I would think twice before sharing a home again - I am soooo comfortable having my own way. So, now I want a mate and two houses, right next door....

osso,
While I chuckled over your vision of two houses, one of the problems my last relationship suffered was not living together despite being a couple for six years when I ended the relationship. He last called two weeks ago Sunday and I hope this is it. One of the decorating things we argued about was color. I like to limit a room to two or three colors and he just piles one upon the other.

Of course, while I am discussing things like movies and vases, I really am thinking about mutual respect and independence.

One of my closest friends ever died of cancer almost three years ago. She and her husband never had children and I thought their independence admirable. However, her cancer reminded him that they were too independent. It struck her like a thunderbolt: she had never thought about it and his comment, "Now that you no longer have cancer, will we stop being as close as we were the past two months," stunned her.

What a delicate balance between togetherness and wholeness as an individual.

I was kicked out of my 'matrimonial' home four months ago and have basically been unable to find the kind of cash necessary to start afresh.

I will have to find myself a new home and set up a household and do something that resembles socialising. I know how to run a household, even one full of small children, but the last time I struck out on my own was like 20 years ago.

I think I have long forgotten anything about making new friends or being able to relate to females as possible companions/partners (not that I was so great anyway). I genuinely wonder whether this is the Universe's great big hint for me to get use to the solitary life.

She still hasn't figured out that for every framed picture she puts on some surface that should be useful and free of junk (piano, table, shelf, etc.), I leave more stuff on the floor. And so it goes.

Oh yeah, this is me all the way, lol. I have been without a man for long enough to where I am very set in my ways ;-) That house next door would be the perfect set up :-D

Lol! I am very used to sharing, but having live on my own for quite a while now, I do think I would find accommodating to co-habitation very difficult. Separate homes would be my ideal, I think. Of course, one does tend to start spending a lot of time with someone when a relationhip starts...usually him with you...and it is not very sensible financially. But I really need MY space in MY style now.

Still, it is hard to predict such things - and, as I said, I have lived easily with fellas before.

I'm of the firm opinion that familiarity breeds contempt .... While the possibility of another relationship is OK, but just the thought of actually living under one roof with a partner again makes me panic.

Same here, but I think my biggest fear is me picking a partner like my last 2 partners, cringe!!!!

I've got no choice but to leave this thread right alone!

This is the crux of the biscuit for me--i consider that being contemptuous of another is actually a matter of personal choice. Often, older couples who have been together for long periods of time speak of working at the relationship. As may be apparent from what i often post here, humor is a big factor in how i deal with the world. I've lost my temper with my sweetiepie, and i usually regret it. I make a conscious effort to see her view of things, and, even though not guaranteed to agree, i am not contemptuous of her. We grew up differently in different places, and the contempt one might experience seems to me to be rooted in our own personal preferences and prejudices which are normally left unexamined. Without making any accusations at anyone, i would ask that people consider their own reactions: you think he is a slob, but if you're not actually picking up after him every minute, could it be that you are setting a standard which has to do with your obsession and neither health nor comfort? You think she is obsessed about the decor, the garden, what color to paint this room, but could it be that you feel rather lost with such issues, and resent not being able to offer your own ideas? (I was amazed at POM's talk of decorating disputes--although i have a good color sense, i would never make such a thing an issue.) The house in which i was raised was a candidate for Better Homes and Gardens, because that was my grandmother's obsession. I've reacted to it by becoming a devoted slob--but i know the other side of the coin, and would not want to spoil a relationship by being negligent to the point of sticking something in the craw of she whom i say i love.

Men. Can't get along with them--can't get along without them.

Wimmins . . . can't live with 'em . . . can't shoot 'em . . .

Can't?



Or won't?

I ainta gonna shoot nobody . . . the food in jail sucks . . .

So if'n you can't take care of yourself, and your woman is a terrible cook -- shoot her?

I keep my women chained up in the basement. Whenever I need something dusted, I'll unlock the cuffs long enough for them to take care of the problem.

That's not me speaking. I figured Slappy overslept this morning and I'll save him some time by typing the anticipated response.

I tole ya, PD, i ainta shootin' nobody . . . as for cookin', i make reservations with more facility than meals . . .