Child Support

Wnterwolf
My heart truly goes out to you. I don't know about other states, but in the state of Massachusetts, you can file contempt charges if the parent hasn't paid support in 3 weeks. Unfortunately, I live over 600 miles away and obviously can't travel back and forth to keep dragging the dead beat back into court. My ex did do me a favor recently by opening the case back up to try to have his support payments lowered because he and his wife just got seperated and he thought his support would be lowered seeing that he now had 2 children (one mine and the one he had with his wife) to support, but this backfired in his face because the courts told him that the support was already adjusted in the past for the amount of children he has and that doesn't change simply because he and his wife are no longer together. He is still unemployed, but the courts want to see him again next month and once a month until he's employed, so atleast he got himself back in the courts. I still may end up having to go back down there next year when I can afford it to get all the back support I'm owed, but I'm glad that the courts are on him now.
As of Friday he owes me $1,800 in back support and I know how hard it is when you have to do it alone. My ex didn't give me a dime for the first 12 years of ours sons life and you'd think the bastard would be grateful, but instead, he runs when I reach a point where I finally need it. What a jerk. You ex sounds like a real winner as well, sigh!

Any Advice????
I am a 35 yr old male whose wife left him for another woman 4 yrs ago. At the first of this ordeal I was left alone to primarily care for my 2 children of 2 and 6 at the time (the oldest not being biologically mine). Now 4 yrs later after much hard work my ex shares the resposiblility to the benifit of the children (with a little coaxing from her family). Financially it is hard as on one income I run the house which is where they go to school just down the road and give them some stability in thier lives.
9 yrs ago a woman I dated got pregnant. At the time it was told to me that it was not mine but another mans. Then 2 yrs later she says it is mine again. As she was on social assistance an inquiry was made as to paternal responsibilities. I offered my self to have a DNA test done as long as the other man in question went also. After learning of this she tells me off and moves to the US for a couple yrs. Recently got married and then separated. Now as she has reapplied to social assistance I recieve a letter in the mail saying I owe child support.
I believe if it was mine....9yrs ago when I offered and didnt try to get on with my life was the time to settle this. Obviously I am not a deadbeat but rather of victim of them. (eg eldest daughter isnt bio mine but she is still my daughter in all respects and recieves all the love and more that my younger one does). If it happened that this child was mine I could no longer hold the house we own and could not provide for them as I do now and thier mother doesnt do much in that respect but I beleive it is essential for them to spend time with her as to form a relationship with her. Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. I live in New Brunswick and am not sure of the applicable laws here.

First I'd like to welcome you to A2K and commend you on being such a responsible parent. Now I just need to ask if you signed the birth certificate as the father for the child in question? If not, she needs to prove that you are the childs father before she can legally expect child support from you and the only way to prove that is with a DNA test. Seeing that you are so very much devoted to your children, I would assume that you would want to know if this is your child or not, but I agree that this should have been dealt with as soon as the baby was born. This woman you dated sounds like a real piece of work who doesn't seem to think about what's best for her child and I feel sorry for the poor kid.
It sounds to me like the mother of your 2 children is not helping you out financially, so I can understand how tough it must be for you. Why doesn't she pay child support?
Anyway, if the child in question is already 9 years old and you never signed the birth certificate, the burden of proof is on her to prove that you are her childs father and by the looks of the way she's playing these games, she wouldn't pull much weight in court.
If you did sign the birth certificate, then you have a problem and the burden of proof is yours. You would then have to have a DNA to prove that the child is, or isn't yours.
Do you think the child is yours? Have you ever seen the child?

Thanks for your welcome and response to my post Montana. To answer your question my ex doesnt pay child support because she has them 3 days a week and spends time with them now. Which is good cause a child should always have a strong relationship with both parents no matter of the feelings they may have for each other. If I was to bring that as an issue it would severly damage what has taken 4 yrs to build up.
One time in a conversation with a police officer he had mentioned that he had a freind who was financially responsible for a child after he broke up with an ex wife even though the child was not biologically his or adopted by him. Which leaves me to believe that the old girlfreind from nine years ago's hubby may have a responsibility to the child. I never did sign a birth certificate and like I said nine years ago I wanted paternity done and she basically gave me the brush off and moved away removing it from my hands by moving to the US for a period. I am not trying to come off as a potential dead beat dad but I do find it quite unfair that after moving on with my life nine years after someone can come back like that and although I am not sure if it is mine is sort of unfair to say oh well I guess it was yours now pay up.......which would mean the house where I raise my 2 children now could not be afforded. Anyone have any knowledge on to the responsibilities to the husband of the x girlfreind?

It sure is unfair and I see how this would cause you and your 2 children major financial burden. Since you did not sign the birth certificate and she blew you off all these years, I don't see any problem for you here, especially since she was married. I think her ex husband is the one who would have more to fear. I would contact a family lawyer to find out exactly what you should do. In the mean time, I wouldn't worry too much. If this woman knew where you were for the last 9 years and never tried to push for support until now, the courts will see her scam. I'm not sure if you can be forced to have a DNA test, but that's why you need to talk to a lawyer.

Hang in there and please let us know how it goes.

siremitch,

You should review sections VI and VII of this.

It appears that since she has applied for state assistance the state (province of NB) has stepped in in an attempt to discern paternity and collect child support. NB law gives teh province that ability regardless of whether she wants them to or not. From reading that it looks like the next step should be a test of some sort to determine if you are the biological father.

Under NB law it also looks like her ex-husband could possibly be held responsible for support if they all lived to gether as a family for 3 years or more. What isn't clear is who makes the determination of whether the biological father should pay or the ex-husband (I guess that's why we have courts!).

There is also a formula used to calculate any child support payments that takes into account your other children (since you have a responsibility to them too!) and an allowance in law that could exclude you from paying child support to this woman if your financial circumstance warrant it (I guess the court would decide that too.).

I'm not famaliar with how the Canadian courts handle this sort of thing but it appears to be an interesting (read: very complicated) system. Good luck!

Ok, so my ex went to court again today and as usual, since they didn't call me, I ended up having to call him tonight. He answered the phone with "Yeah, what?". I asked him if he went to court today and he said "yes". Then I asked what happened and he said "You'll get a letter from the court and me, so you'll have to wait until then, bye!". He hangs up on me which is nothing new. Now he sounded pissed off and I think that's a good thing, but I'm left hanging. Is it safe for me to assume that he got a judgement, if the courts are sending me a letter?
I wonder how long the courts are going to let this drag on? No wonder there are so many homeless children in the word. The courts simply don't give a ****!!!

Good news
You are due to receive good news -- you've waited long enough. All good things come to she who waits.

Thanks Debra. You just put a big smile on my face :-D

Well, the fact that he was in a very bad mood is a good sign for sure ;-)

that is true he does have to pay a min. but here in Texas it is a precentage of the income.

It's the same in Massachusetts. They have gone by the % of his income and when he quit his job, he is still responsible for paying that same % even though he's out of work or ends up getting a job that pays less. Even though it keeps adding up, I have still yet to see anything since Sept, sigh!

The father of my two children is court order to pay and I have recived $1200 dollars from him the in 19months so I understand you anger.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! I am sooooo pisssed!!!!!!!

I got a court order in the mail yesterday from my lawyers office that stated my ex was due back in court on Jan 31 and I was suppose to call a probation officer at 9am to talk with her before he went in front of the judge. Unfortunately, yesterday was Feb 1st! The order states that my ex was suppose to mail me a copy of the order, but since he didn't do this, I missed the call and I'm back to square one, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
My blood pressure is through the roof!!!!

I called my ex and told him he was suppose to mail me a copy of the order and he says "I know", so I ask him why he didn't send it and he says "because I didn't" and then I ask what happened in court and he tells me not to worry about it, that he has things arranged with the courts and it will be reviewed again in freaking JUNE!!!! At this point I wished I could reach through the phone and strangle the ever loving life out of the cocky SOB!

He was obviously in court on the 13 of Jan because that's what the order is dated. I recieved 2 court documents, which go as follows.

Document #1.
Mother shall call the probation dept of this court on Jan 31, 2005 at 9am at (phone#) and speak with probation officer (POs name). Father shall be present during this phone call the purpose being to determine fathers's complience with outstanding depts of child support.

Document #2

Temporarty order

Pending a hearing on the merits or until further order of the court, it is ordered that:

1. The father shall submit a letter, on or before 1/24/05 from his attending physician on said physicians letter head, that the father is totally disabled from being employed in any occupation based upon his age, work experience or training and that said disability is expected to last in excess of 12 months.

2. In the event that the father fails to obtain and provide said letter to the court, then a job search order may enter, on the below stated review date, wherein the father maybe required to file 10 applications each week with the probation department of this court.

3. This matter shall be schedule for further review on 1/31/05 at the middlesex probate and family court sitting at camb at 8:30am.

4. Father shall mail a copy of this ordered letter to the mother no later than 1/24/05 with a copy mailed to (PO) at middlesex probate and family court.

__________________________________________


Obviously my ex didn't get away with his disability scam because he said he had to apply for 15 jobs a week.

I tried calling the PO yesterday afternoon, but got a voice mail and I will keep trying to call her until I finally get in touch with her.

I have waited so long for the opportunity to speak with someone in the court and I am absolutely livid that I missed my chance simply because my ex refused to send me a copy and my lawyers office (who knows damn well it takes almost 2 weeks for me to get mail from the states) didn't feel a need to pick up the god damn phone to call me and let me know that I needed to call the court on Monday!
I feel so cheated and neglected by the courts and my incompitent lawyer, who did not even represent me in this case. He insisted on driving me to court and putting his signature on every damn thing, when I didn't want him involved at all. I have nothing against lawyers in general, but mine can keep as far away from me as possible. That's what I get for hiring a family friend!

Ok, I've vented and feel a little better, lol!


bmsmom
Isn't it so very frustrating!!!

Still can't get in touch with PO, GRRRR!!!!

Last week, there was a blurb in the paper that a warrant had been issued for my ex-husbands arrest for felony failure to pay child support.

Because this is a high priority felony in Oklahoma, his name and case information have been submitted to NCIC, a national crime database. Now, if he gets picked up for anything, his name will pop up showing a warrant has been issued for his arrest.

As the county under sheriff told me, all we can do now is wait . . . and wait . . . and wait.

The wheels of bureaucracy do turn slow.

Montana--

Hold your dominion.

Yep, I guess we all wait together, sigh!



Noddy
I'm holding onto that dominion for dear life ;-)

Patience is a learned skill and it is one I have learned well.

I'm alot stronger now in body and spirit than I was 10 years ago. I can hold my own.

My prayers are with you, Montana.

Thank you Winterwolf.

I agree and I'm much more relaxed than I was 10 years ago as well. My blood pressure still gets flared up time and again, but the anger doesn't dwindle like it use to and I'm very pleased about that. Life is good and I try to count my blessings ever day.

My prayers are with you as well :-D

Maybe some day, when we least expect it, justice will serve us well ;-)

Montana, goodness girl I didnt know your situation was that bad... Now I feel like mine is really tiny. I hope justice does serve every one well and we all get what we deserve.