Evidently your Ex doesn't realize that he can't pick and choose about parenthood.
Years down the line, I have recently watched this play out with a close friend and her son. My friend was afraid of the father for herself (unusual, in that she is not physically afraid of many) and her baby son. She left him. Got married a couple of years later to another fellow whom she is still with, thirty and some years down the line.
The child always felt crummy that dad left him and had some resentment to mom. Child did a drive into drugs, for years. Got over it, via AA, and still doing well.
Recently found his half brother, son of dad's later life. Dad wreaked havoc there too. They've had good conversations, stabilizing for both of them. However... my friend's son had - I am thinking - both dreamed a better dad and been left by a better dad, in his mind.
My point, absence is hard to deal with, to some extent. Be careful what you wish for, in that a fly-by-night scoundrel who loves the child in his way is possibly more helpful to the son, if only in lack of mystery. (Yes, I know, he could still be idealized.)
Of course, a brutal person is one that's smart to keep away. But a simply flawed person's love can be important to a child.
nadda2lose wrote:he said why should I pay support if I am not going to be around
why? because the court requires him to.
it has nothing to do with whether he's around or not.
make sure the courts keep his feet to that particular fire.
Update
My ex was in court on the 3rd of this month. I got a call at work from the probation officer on the day my ex was in court, while he was sitting right there with him.
This officer is a different one from the one who was handling things before and I really like this guy. He said that they were tired of my ex's games and he said that all I had to do was say the word and they would lock him up that very day.
As tempting as that was, I told him that my ex being in jail wouldn't pay his support, so he has yet another court date next month and he was told that he would got to jail if he wasn't working by then.
So, the waiting continues.
Montana: three words ... Work Release Facility.
Montana--
You would be amazed how many No-Good Delinquent Daddies come up with the child support money when the alternative is jail time.
One more month--then cooperate with the court in giving your Ex a life-enhancing experience.
Tico's idea is rather lovely.
Montana, I know that tico is correct because I am familiar with just such a situation. Marvelous way to get your well deserved back pay. He gets out to work and returns to jail at the end of the day, and the court sends you the money.
Sounds awesome if that is an option. There's got to be a way to make him pay.
Now if work release isn't available in your area, spending some time in jail might be just the thing to get his attention. Sure, you won't get C/S while he's incarcerated, but if he's not working, your not getting any now. He spends a few days getting three squares, and he might decide he doesn't like the experience, and be motivated to get employed upon his release.
Yeah, I been thinking a lot about this and first I wanted to give him the jail scare before taking the plunge, but my hopes are not very high at this point, so if he's not back to work by the time he has his next court date next month, I think he needs to do some time.
He's caused me and the courts enough grief now and it's time to stop this crazy ball from rolling.
I know I've had more than enough of this endless chapter in my life!
Montana,
I am so glad to hear that you are getting somewhere in your situation. I am sure you have read on here mine and I hope to talk to you again real soon! Hope all is well and things go up from here I dont know if they could go any farther down but just in case!
Crystal
Crystal
I have read everything that's going on with you and even though I don't have much time to chat these days, you're always in my thoughts.
You go girl and I hope everything works out better for you and your little man than it has for me through the years.
I'm working now and have my financial independence again, so I'm not sweating it anymore. My son is also working with me and it makes such a huge difference now thjat he can buy some of his own stuff.
It's truly a thrill just seeing how well adjusted my son has become and I'm feeling very proud that he has grown to be such a responsible young man :-D
These are the days that we parents live for and I'm thinking that I must have done something right along the line.
I'll see the support from his father some day, but in the mean time, I'm going to get on with my life without sweating it anymore.
The very best to you and your son :-D
Well, I have some very bad news. My son got a call a while ago and his father died yesterday :-(
Oh, no!
How's he handling it?
What happened?
He's handling it very well right now, but I don't think it has sunk in yet.
His father was on tons of meds and he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. So basincally he ODed.
Oh my.
That's gotta be rough in a lot of different ways.
How's your son doing, Montana?
My son is actually holding up better than I am, but I think it'll hit him later.
