maybe just going for a walk or to a movie might help for a start? is there anything that you find comforting? i don't know, like, making jewelery, painting, or anything that doesn't require much energy? do you have a regular job that can keep you busy for at least those 8 hours a day? there must be something to help you get your mind off the home troubles.
It ain't over yet, Rapunzelle! Not by a long shot.
Here's something I want you to do. Remember that you have had some problems with your husband, too, but guess what -- YOU GOT OVER IT. Relationships are rarely this smooth, even course, they take work, too. This is the work part of it.
I'll say again myself and echo what others are saying that where you can put your efforts right now are into yourSELF. Do you exercise at all? That is the single best method of stress-relief I have found, plus it has added benefits of feeling in shape, etc. You mentioned you do have friends -- spend time with them, you don't have to talk about this stuff if you don't want to. Be silly. See a bad movie, heckle it. Whatever.
You'll get through this!
All posting at the same time...
One counterintuitive thing I've found is that if you exercise, you GET more energy. Go to the gym a wet noddle, come home... a dry noodle? :-? More energetic, anyway.
Thanks. I wish I could do that, keep myself busy etc. I just don't have the energy, or the get-go at this point. Yes Dag, I work a steady job. I'm at work right now. I like to read, paint, gardening (which is out of the question during winter of course), etc. But all that won't replace my husband's love. When I feel down, he is usually the soft place for me to fall back on. I don't have that anymore. I know I know I'm very negative, like I said I'm under state of shock at this point..
yes Sozobe, it seems our posts are crossing. I know that exercise might do me good. But I've always got this black cloud hanging on top of my head no matter what I do, and it's not very pleasant. I feel very insecure right now.
Rapunzelle, maybe it's time for you to "find yourself." Who are you? What do you want? You would be amazed to find that all that love you want to give this man you could be channeling into a project. Put your love into some work. It's time for you to learn independence, to become self-actualized. We all are allowed "a season" to, as someone said, "know thyself." Go back to college.
What a painful time of life, it surely is. When this happened to me I began painting pictures, taking classes. I think maybe your floundering marriage is more about you than him. Make yourself as beautiful as you can, exercise, MAKE PLANS, eat healthy food, take vitamins (B complex and E). You could have a breakdown, too.
Consider that if you don't start doing SOMETHING, what will happen? Wear some wild clothes, you know, some leopard or leather but good taste. Dye your hair flaming red.
Find your sense of humor. Have your fortune told, your horoscope done. You are being only one facet of yourself, somebody's wife. Do things with your daughter. Begin a journal. Read some of those old books about Co-dependency.
This is not a bad time for you, only a time for you.
What is happening
I feel for you. I really do.
I can relate to the feelings that you are experiencing because I have experienced those same feelings in lots of different relationships that I have been in. From the marriage that I stayed in for 20 years to dating relationships that lasted for several months to years. I have also had this experience with friends of both sexes and when people act like they no longer love you or say that they are not sure of their feelings it is devastating. I can only offer you comfort and hope that if it is meant to be he will figure out his feelings and No I don't believe that feelings of love can be turned off and on like water. I have had that experience with my own parent at a couple of points in my life where they disowned me and said that I was not their love and their child any longer. Later on they came back and said they were sorry but the scars linger and it has affected me in every area of my life. But I am learning not to fear rejection or pseudo-love relationships because when reality comes it is unchangeable. I don't believe that we stay static just that we grow in love more and more and sometimes we grow out of love with a person but it does not change the fact that we did love them and will always love them. That is where I disagree with most modern thinking people. I will always have love in my heart for those that I truly love. Even my former spouse. I do not believe that love ever leaves. It just grows and changes. I wish you the best. Take care of you during this difficult time.
Thanks for your support. I think there might be hope, last night we sat down before his appointment with the therapist. He told me "you know the other day you asked me if being trapped was my biggest issue"? then he said, well there's that but there's also our financial situation. We recently purchased a home and have a huge mortgage, which means we can't do much other than pay our bills. I guess this is bothering him a lot. He also said that at this point he is so tired that he can't even process information. He asked me if I would be willing to go with him to the therapist if there was a need. I told him absolutely. When he got back from the therapist, I asked him if it went well, and he said yes, but he did not comment on it. Is this normal? I feel he is still a bit distant. I guess this must be normal too with all that is happening, I don't know. Yesterday I stayed home from work, (not feeling well at all), and last night he asked me if I was feeling better. I told him I had upset stomack and stuff, and that I was shaken up. He responded - I guess it's normal after what we have been through. not "what we are going through" but "what we've been through". I found some solace in those words, but I still don't want to jump in the air too quickly. I still can't believe that he simply stopped loving me, I feel it has to be related to his feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed out & tired etc. Maybe even a bit of winter blues.. who knows.
I missed this, replied on your new thread, but it sounds like lots of promising things are happening, Rapunzelle. And it sounds like you're reacting in a lot of good ways -- saying that you were absolutely willing to go with him to the therapist, etc. Good for you.
