Is dating someone who's a different race okay?

@George,

Oh! That's great! Mr. Green

See, it's not a big deal right? People are people. How come racists people can't see that? Rolling Eyes

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First of all, just because someone doesn't feel comfortable with bi-racial relationships, does not mean they are racist, nor does it indicate they feel their race to be superior to another.
In reality, the world doesn't change over night, we see things in a small way in relationship to our lifetime. The closeness of racial diversity is a developing part of our culture. The human race has been progressing toward a world culture over a period of centuries.
Human cultures change slowly, over periods of generations, inevitably.
Gracie's own generation contains the seeds of a new world view, a progressive view.
Her friends mother, regardless of her intellectual awareness, is a product of another generation, a different stage in the progress of the human evolution.
Her reaction to the situation is a far cry from the reaction of the previous generation, to this situation.
At some point, she may be forced to deal with the discomfort she feels, hopefully her intellect will help her respond appropriately.
Take a look at the changes of the last 50 years, then imagine the world one hundred years from now. I assure you, it will be quite different.

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@OmSigDAVID,

Okay. Your right. I guess I should say that racism makes people do and say mean things. I don't like it and I don't want to see it.

I get what your saying. I understand why some Jews may hate Germans or some black/African-American people may hate whites and vice versa. But just because it's understandable doesn't make it OK. Racism is soo stupid to me. How can you hate a whole group of people just because of a few people in that group? Not all white people are the same. Not all black people are the same. There's good and bad in every race.

My aunt got hit by a drunk driver who was Mexican and her daughter died. Should she hate all Mexicans because of that? Is it ALL of the Mexicans fault that one idiot decide to driver drunk and hit my aunts car? NO. You cant hate a whole group of people because it's not the whole groups fault. My aunt doesn't hate Mexicans. She hates it when people drive drunk.

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Yeah, my grandparents are kinda racist too but they don't think so.

Wow! You've pretty much described about 70% of all the people I've ever known. Maybe ten percent are not only racists, but they know it and take pride in it.

To your main question, I would say it's okay, but practically speaking it might just depend on where you are. I mean, suppose you lived in Montgomery, Alabama. Still okay, but you couldn't fine a quicker or better way to complicate your life.

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@roger,

roger! What happened to you? Where's Eeyore?

How could it complicate your life?

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Racists people have soo much hatred for no reason at all.

Do u mean that it is IMPOSSIBLE
for a culture of people to believe that their race is the best,
UNLESS thay hate ???????
ONLY be hatred, can thay think well of themselves?????
I 'm not so sure about that.

GracieGirl wrote:

How can someone like Krys mom be like that?

U already ADMITTED that she does NOT "have soo much hatred . . . ".

Your exact words were:

GracieGirl wrote:

Like, I know her mom isn't racist because she likes Ty [emfasis added by David]

Liking and hating r mutually exclusive & incompatible like hot n cold.

David

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@GracieGirl,

Eeyore's a delicate soul, you know. He felt he need a vacation.

Relationships have enough inherent complexities without having to deal with some fairly overt racism. I suspect you are in one of the most tolerant areas of the country, if not the world. Go ahead and question broad generalities like that, but there is usually some sort of basis.

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@OmSigDAVID,

Exactly. That's why I said I didn't think she was racist, just that what she said was a racist comment David.

And David, what's with the all Caps, bolds and underlined words? It feels like your screaming at me. Cant you find a better way to emphasize your words and make your point?

Nothings impossible. I'm just saying that most racists hate other races because racists think they're better than other races. Thinking your better than other people isn't always a good thing dude. Rolling Eyes

And thinking your better usually makes you treat other people who you think arent as good as you badly. Right?

(Hey David, you know that I'm not arguing with you right? Debating is more like it. I'm not getting angry, and I hope you aren't either. I'm just telling you what I think Ok? We're not having a argument are we? Lol )

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@gungasnake,

gungasnake wrote:

There is less genetic variation in the entire human race than in a typical group of African monkeys of the same species and of what little differences there are, the main genetic divide in the world is East/West and not North/South, i.e. the white and black races are genetically closer to each other than either is to the yellow.

I don 't believe that there IS a yellow race.
I 've been to Hong Kong (many times; love it), to Taiwan, and to Japan.
I 've had Chinese and Korean clients in my practice of law,
but I 've never seen any YELLOW person.

David

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@roger,

roger wrote:

Relationships have enough inherent complexities without having to deal with some fairly overt racism. I suspect you are in one of the most tolerant areas of the country, if not the world. Go ahead and question broad generalities like that, but there is usually some sort of basis.

Umm can you explain what you mean by that please? I guess I'm tired and my brain is being sluggish. Haha! I don't know what your first and last sentences mean. Embarrassed

Sorry.

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@OmSigDAVID,

East Asians then. Japanese are some part white due to ad-mixture with the Ainu.

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There is some cultural differences in the US that seems somewhat tied to race.

One white woman I know married in the 1950s!!!! and then divorce a very well educated and successful black man and also have two daughters with him.

Her comment to me was that she would never again married a US black man and is just as happy as not that her two mixed race daughters ended up marrying white guys.

The reason she given is that in US black culture the men are supposed to be players and therefore it is harder and less likely to end up with a loyal family man if he happen to be also black.

So first is taking note that "race" can be a marker for culturals differences is being racist or not?

Now also can you label a woman who rightly or wrongly is of the opinion that race can be a useful marker for how loyal a man is likely to be a racist when she was willing to face the hell of being a white woman married to a black man before the civil right movement began and who in fact took part in that movement?

1 Reply

@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Okay. Your right. I guess I should say that racism makes people do and say mean things.

Well, maybe, but not necessarily.
Of the Jews who survived the German concentration camps
some of them very well MIGHT hate the Germans
for the agonies and the murders that were inflicted upon them and
their families, but we don't know ( or I don't know, anyway ) that
thay necessarily "do and say mean things."

GracieGirl wrote:

I don't like it and I don't want to see it.

I get what your saying. I understand why some Jews may hate Germans or some black/African-American people may hate whites and vice versa. But just because it's understandable doesn't make it OK.

"OK" in what way??
"OK" how????
Whenever anyone asks whether something is good or bad or OK,
in order for him to get his point across,
in order to be understandable,
he must designate the criteria by which the judgment is to be rendered.

Something might well be OK in 3 ways,
but be bad for 7 other different reasons.
For instance:
suppose that u ask your friend about hiring an accountant.
U ask: "is this guy OK"?
Your friend replies: "He 's an accurate accountant, but
when he came over he stole some jewelry that was lying around."
He is OK one way,
but bad another way.

GracieGirl wrote:

Racism is soo stupid to me. How can you hate a whole group of people just because of a few people in that group? Not all white people are the same. Not all black people are the same. There's good and bad in every race.

My aunt got hit by a drunk driver who was Mexican and her daughter died. Should she hate all Mexicans because of that? Is it ALL of the Mexicans fault that one idiot decide to driver drunk and hit my aunts car? NO. You cant hate a whole group of people because it's not the whole groups fault. My aunt doesn't hate Mexicans. She hates it when people drive drunk.

Your point is well taken.
I agree with u.

David

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Gracie, I don't know what kind of people you think racists are. No, they're not necessarily mean and nasty. Unless they're neo Nazis or clansmen who are overtly and proudly racist, most people who hold racist views are ordinary in every other respect.

I don't know whether your friend's mother is racist. But her being nice, doesn't mean she isn't. And her not wanting her daughter to date someone of a different race doesn't necessarily mean that she it.

People are complicated. Life is complicated.

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The word "racist" these days is such a loaded word that most people these days who have racial biases don't even recognize them. They'll deny being racist, not because they aren't, but because it's become so shameful to admit to it. It really has nothing to do with "meanness," Gracie. Much of it has to do with upbringing, what one was taught to think and believe as a child. It carries over into adulthood. I once heard a person I knew state theopinion that it would bebetter if African-Americans all returned to Africa. "I'm not racist or anything," he quickly added, "I just think it would be a btter solution than what we have now." He seriously didn't consider himself a racist.

To some extent, most of us are racist to one degree or another, unconciously so. We have certain ingrained prejudices that are almost impossible to overcome. The idea that African-Americans are naturally better athletes than whites is just as racist a belief as that they are shiftless or lazy.

Think about it.

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Exactly. That's why I said I didn't think she was racist, just that what she said was a racist comment David.

And David, what's with the all Caps, bolds and underlined words? It feels like your screaming at me.

Cant you find a better way to emphasize your words and make your point?

HOW?? I don 't know how.
Its not "screaming"; its using available assets to explain the points
of my sentences as clearly as possible. We r not face-to-face and
therefore I cannot use vocal inflections, manual gestures nor facial expressions as means of expression.
In writing, some words mean a lot less than other words. For purposes of explanation, the more important words
shoud be stressed in ways that will be recognized and be remembered better.
The goal is to communicate ideas-- to make them known as effectively and as clearly as possible.
In some other fora in which I post, these assets r not available; that feels frustrating and confining.

GracieGirl wrote:

Nothings impossible. I'm just saying that most racists [emfasis added by David] hate other races
because racists think they're better than other races.

Well, I don't know as much about it as U do.
I have not counted how many racists hate other races
and how many do not hate. If u say it is "most" I 'll take your word for it.

GracieGirl wrote:

Thinking your better than other people isn't always a good thing dude.

When someone wins the Nobel Prize for medicine or the Nobel Prize for physics,
he knows for a FACT that he is TREMENDOUSLY BETTER than other people,
but he does not act in malice, neither by word nor by deed, so far as I have ever heard.

When people win Gold Medals in the Olympics,
so far as I have ever known, thay do not speak nor act hurtfully
toward others; Gold Medals do not turn winners into sadists,
so far as I have ever heard. Maybe u know of winners who turned nasty? It coud be possible.
If someone in school is a very fine, talented mathematician,
do u think that he must be nasty toward people who do not do as well??
I did not find that to be the case.

GracieGirl wrote:

And thinking your better usually makes you treat other people who you think arent as good as you badly. Right?

No; not in my experience.
When I had a law firm, I found my employees to be of varying quality.
That was to be expected. No 2 people r equal to 1 another, not even identical twins.
There r always many differences.
Some of them were less intellectually gifted than other employees.
When thay fell into error, I was kind to them in fixing problems.
That applied to both professional and support staff.
I wanted everyone to be happy, regardless of mental aptitude.
( Of course, some mental problems required swift removal from the scene,
e.g., a clerk screaming at counsel on the fone; not in my firm. )

GracieGirl wrote:

(Hey David, you know that I'm not arguing with you right? Debating is more like it.

Debate is one of the forms of argument.

GracieGirl wrote:

I'm not getting angry, and I hope you aren't either.

There is no reason for anger.
I have no emotion. U have done nothing rong.
There is no rule that anyone has to agree with me about ANYTHING.

GracieGirl wrote:

I'm just telling you what I think Ok? We're not having a argument are we? Lol )

In law school, about 5O years ago, we were told that:
"argument is the piecing together of evidentiary fact
in combination with the ordinary rules of logic and rhetoric."

Arguments shed LIGHT whereas quarrels shed HEAT.

The purpose of argument is to figure out the truth,
whereas the purpose of quarrels is ego domination.

In the 197Os, I took in a tenant, rented him an apartment
because I found him to be skilled in the art of argument; admirable.
That betokens a good mind. I like good minds.
I was eagerly looking forward to arguing with him.
He became a good friend, Donald.

I believe that most of us who attend A2K expect to argue.
We get plenty of opportunity for it.

David

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@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

When someone wins the Nobel Prize for medicine or the Nobel Prize for physics, he knows for a FACT that he is TREMENDOUSLY BETTER than other people,

Not better than other people. Just better at medicine or physics than most other people.

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@Roberta,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

When someone wins the Nobel Prize for medicine or the Nobel Prize for physics,
he knows for a FACT that he is TREMENDOUSLY BETTER than other people,

Roberta wrote:

Not better than other people.
Just better at medicine or physics than most other people.

That 's true; I 'll accept that as a friendly amendment.
The Nobel Laureate might not be able to run as fast,
nor to sing as well as someone else.

David

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In no way can I read minds, and what I am about to say does not pertain to the thoughts of the people in the original posting. Be that said, I believe, many parents would like to believe that eventual grandchildren are as much like them as possible. That includes race, ethnicity, religion, socio-economic class (unless the child "marries up", perhaps).

So, I personally would want a child to marry within the same religion, race, ethnicity, social class.

And, since much of the country still harbors covert racial beliefs, in my opinion, after dating a Black guy, or some other group that has been the recipient of much prejudice, there are some guys that would then not seriously date that girl, since his family might feel less positive feelings towards her. Meaning, he could not, in good conscience towards his family, get serious with a girl he liked, but had a prior history that included guys the family had a bias towards.

Plus, as my own mother once told me as a teenager, if one marries inter-racially, the children of that marriage might have a harder time socially, since there are people of both races that would not consider the children authentically from one race or the other. In other words, children of mixed race marriages, at this point in time, are proverbial "pioneers" in the race relations frontier, and we all know that being a pioneer can be a life of some hardships.

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@BillRM,

BillRM wrote:

in US black culture the men are supposed to be players and therefore it is harder and less likely to end up with a loyal family man if he happen to be also black.

Now also can you label a woman who rightly or wrongly is of the opinion that race can be a useful marker for how loyal a man is likely to be a racist when she was willing to face the hell of being a white woman married to a black man before the civil right movement began and who in fact took part in that movement?

Black guys aren't supposed to be anything. Thats like saying all blondes are suppose to be idiots. That sounds stupid. Your friend is wrong. Just because some black dudes are players doesn't mean all of them are. Ty isn't like that at all. He's just a guy like any other guy. He's a great guy actually. He's been my bestfriend for years and Id date him (if I saw him that way. I've known him soo long he's like my brother) before I'd date some of the white guys I know.

How could your friend have married a black guy and had family with him and still feel that way? I don't get it. What does her husband think about that? I'd think it would be a little offensive.

2 Replies

Is dating someone who's a different race okay?

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