"Death" has been on my mind a lot these past few days. Not so much human death, but that is an automatic next step of thought. You see my little pup got hit by a car a few days ago and he was so damaged he had to be put to sleep.
I loved him so much and now I wonder if dogs have a spirit and if he is aware of what a naughty pup he was to keep digging holes under the fence to escape when there was really no need for him to do that. He was born with that wanderlust in him. So am grieving, and naturally that involves a death.
There's a show on TV called "Sensing Murder" and until I started watching that I was never sure about what happens to a human after we die, but these two "mediums" have been able to communicate with dead people and have been able to find out who killed them. It is no hoax. It is for real. But what I can't get my head around is that if there are people who can do that... really communicate with the dead... I sure feel sorry for famous dead people... they'd never get a moments peace. For an example... take Princess Diana. Imagine being communicated with ... again and again. Or Houdini? Or Elvis Presley or Michael Jackson? We could go on like this forever. There have been no scientific reports confirming genuine communications with 'the dead' apart from what I've been seeing on "Sensing Murder".
Your fear of not existing is a sticky one. Have you ever actually sat down and made out your Last Will and Testament?
That ought to help you to accept the inevitable. Once you start working out what you want done with your possessions after you are no longer around to do it yourself.. you will start to get a glimpse of what it is going to be like after you no longer exist with the luxury of knowing that for the time being you DO exist. It's a spooky feeling. Well that's the way I described it when I had to make out my own will. But I also wanted to do more, so I got a special journal and started writing down in it who I wanted to have certains items, like my sewing machine, computers (have a good laptop as well as a desktop) and other sorts of expensive "appliances". And my huge collection of knitting yarns. The list goes on. When I die my son wouldn't have any idea about what to do with my things so it's better I put it all down in writing now before it is too late.
Once a person starts thinking along those lines, it seems to take the uncertainity of dying out of the equasion.
We become resigned to death and dying.
Still on the subject of 'death'. I think my biggest fear of dying would be if I was no longer in control of my body... like with dementia. Already I have decided that I don't want to be kept alive when I am no longer aware of what is going on around me. I watch documentaries about people who have to go overseas to places like Sweden so that they can die peacefully with their loved ones beside them without anyone else getting into trouble with the law. At my time of life I think of death and dying a lot. The older I get the less worried I get about the actual event.
My own real worry is that there may be some people who will miss me and grieve for me after I am gone.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the dreadful pain I have been feeling since my little pup Tyke died on Wednesday afternoon.
That is more worrying for me than me worrying about no longer existing. If I can arrange for the head stone and grave that I want to end up in... no matter what... I believe I will still exist... in someone's mind, every time someone looks at my grave. I think when people are cremated and their ashed spread about.. and there is no plaque to represent their last resting place, that, I think, is when we may "no longer exist".
While someone is thinking of us, we still exist. Take the ancient Egypt pharaohs.. King Tut, Cleopatra... and everyone else who once lived and is still remembered. We just need to make sure that when people do remember us, they are good memories...not bad ones.