8
   

My boyfriend & I just found out he has a 7 month old daughter from a 1 night stand when we split.

 
 
DrewDad
 
  4  
Reply Sat 30 Apr, 2011 12:07 am
The guy isn't smart enough to put a wet suit on his willy. Is he really that great of a catch?
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Sat 30 Apr, 2011 12:23 am
@DrewDad,
DrewDad wrote:

The guy isn't smart enough to put a wet suit on his willy. Is he really that great of a catch?


That would be most people DD
Quote:
Consistency of condom use (during the prior 4 weeks) among unmarried men and women 15-44 years of age who ever used a condom and who had sexual intercourse during the 4 weeks prior to interview, 2002:


...........None of the time.... Some of the time..... Every time
Men....... ......71.4% .....................6.1% ......................22.5%
Women .......72.8% .....................7.4% ....................19.8%
Sources:
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/abc_list_c.htm#condomhiv
0 Replies
 
HealMyHeart
 
  2  
Reply Sat 30 Apr, 2011 04:04 pm
@HealMyHeart,
Firstly, Thank you for all your replies, even the not so nice ones. Secondly, without going too much into my own personal life, I am a health care professional and was deemed unfit to return to work due to Acute Stress. Maybe for some people this situation does not require time of work but due the nature of my work, it was deemed necessary. DNA test has been done and results are pending.
engineer
 
  3  
Reply Sat 30 Apr, 2011 05:12 pm
@HealMyHeart,
Heal, welcome to A2K, even if the circumstances aren't the best. I hope when all this is done, you will stay around.

You need to give us a little more here if you want optimum free advice. Why did the mother wait over a year to inform your boyfriend of the situation? Exactly what is she looking for from your boyfriend? Was she going to handle it on her own but now needs financial assistance? If this event happened at a work party, how did it go so long without him finding out? Did he not add up two and two when Mary in payroll started showing? Are you sure this news is as new to him as it is to you?

Regardless, that he has another biological child in the world does not mean that something has been denied to you. The other woman bore a child, but she did not share a pregnancy with your boyfriend. He did not feel the baby move or kick, he did not share the miracle of birth or the joys and hardships that come afterward. You two still have all of that to share together. Other than a possible financial impact this doesn't seem to be the disaster you portray it as unless there is something to the story you haven't shared.
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sat 30 Apr, 2011 06:11 pm
@HealMyHeart,
Quote:
DNA test has been done and results are pending.


Given and assuming the stated facts are correct the odds are very good that he is not the father so before making any plans or decisions I would wait until the results on in.

In other word you seem to be jumping the gun somewhat over this matter.
0 Replies
 
HealMyHeart
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2011 11:12 am
@engineer,
Engineer, to my knowledge she originally did not want to inform my boyfriend about the child until the child was 3-4. I don't know the reason behind this. She got back with her boyfriend and told him she had a one night stand and he stood by her until the child was born then done a DNA test which confirmed he was not the father. My boyfriend recently met up with the mother of the child and he told me that it was in fact her boyfriend who encouraged her to inform my boyfriend in order for the child to know her real father. The childs mother does not work with my boyfriend (they met in a nightclub) and as he doesn't even know this girl, he genuinely did not know that she had a child. She has told my boyfriend that she did not contact him for any financial support but only so the child could know her father.
engineer
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2011 11:38 am
@HealMyHeart,
In that case you should probably step back and reconsider all of this. It sounds like everyone is acting like adults here so this is not the blow-up it could have been. Your relationship with your boyfriend can be strengthened by your supporting him here and this isn't the end of all of your hopes and dreams. This is also the kind of character test that can show you if this guy is really the right guy for you. Likewise, it will show him what you are made of.
0 Replies
 
HawtRod
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 May, 2011 01:43 am
@HealMyHeart,
I completely understand your situation. However, my boyfriend of 7 years and I were still seeing one another but having a really rough patch. He slept with this girl once and 9 months later they have a daughter. I have a condition that makes it hard to go full term, which has caused us to go through 3 miscarriages, one while she was pregnant too. This girl is down right delirious and spiteful. She mocked the loss of our baby and created drama when I have done nothing but try to make this all work and be civil. I too, go through many emotions and want to just walk away at times. All of our plans have change and I do feel robbed of the experience to have a child with him. Her actions make it no easier, trust me, if your boyfriend's baby's mother was creating chaos it would be much more of a burden. Especially, when some people seem to think it's none of my business because she is the one with the child and I suppose being with him makes me nothing but chopped liver.. Good luck, I share your pain.
0 Replies
 
light23456
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2012 08:15 am
@HealMyHeart,
I am in a similar situation right now... @HealMyHeart , I would love to know how you have dealt with the whole situation if you'd like to talk about it...
0 Replies
 
Lostinthemix
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Jan, 2013 11:05 pm
@HealMyHeart,
I am in a similar situation only we just found out he has a 12 year old daughter! They stayed together while she was prego and then towards the end she informed him it wasn't his that she cheated on him. My son and I were planning to move in with him on Sunday and by Saturday he had recieved a letter from his x that he's a father! It wasn't a mature letter "hey sorry about this butt.."! No it was a letter that expressed for the first two pages how much she regretted loosing him 12 yrs ago and oh by the way she really is yours! I'm so jealous she's not ours. I'm jealous that he put a pic of himself and daughter on his phone screen saver! Why am I so jealous?! This is tearing me up inside! Theres way more to all of this than i have time to type. Then to top it all off this is not something I can just talk to my friends about and they know what to say! NO ONE knows what to say! It's so messed up! I'd love to talk to someone or anyone who can understand how this feels. Please call me if it's possible 504-453-1254.
0 Replies
 
jlynn448
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Aug, 2013 03:37 pm
@HealMyHeart,
Hi there. My boyfriend just found out he may have a 6 year old daughter he had no idea about. We were just about to get engaged and start a family too. I am heartbroken and am having a hard time dealing with this. I am angry and grieving as well. I see this was written in 2011. If you still get these messages, how are you handling this now? Does it get better with time?
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Aug, 2013 06:00 am
@jlynn448,
I doubt that that member will be back, unfortunately. Here are my questions for you.

Does the conception of the daughter predate your relationship with this guy?
Would you marry a guy with kids (not necessarily this specific man)?
What, in essence, bothers you? Is it the prior sexual relationship, the ignorance about the child, the existence of the child, something else?
Can you get past any/all of that and be happy?
0 Replies
 
Illingworth1010
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Nov, 2015 12:19 pm
@HealMyHeart,
I've just read your post though appreciate it's quite historic. It made me so emotional I had to get in touch. This happened to me and my fiancé last year, we are really struggling with it still. I wondered how things ended for you and how you coped as I'm not. Many thanks Kerry
[email protected]
0 Replies
 
LifeLessons8919
 
  0  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2019 05:29 am
@HealMyHeart,
Hi I know this thread is old but im going through this situation right now and feel exactly how you do.

Could you update with how things turned out for you in the end? Thanks
0 Replies
 
 

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