Working Moms and Dads - what is an acceptable expectation for time away from the job...

"Not quite sure of mismi's job."


she works in industrial espionage...

and the people on the queue are going to notice exceptions made for you and others - and there will be comments and complaints

try to keep the exceptions you request to a minimum - so you can continue to get any exceptions

I will have to look in to it, JPB. I have never heard of any around here. But that sounds great. Thanks!

I have checked out the YMCA, Jane - it is $60 a week per child for afterschool care. Not that big a deal if I only had one - but I have three. It gets pretty pricey. Not that I have to defend having three kids - but the twins were a surprise - as was the fact I had a third. I was told I couldn't have any more. The joke was on me! But what a wonderful little surprise that third little boy was.

Camps are the same way - $200 per child per week. Ouch. OUCH. We can swing one week for the three. The rest of the summer I have been creative - 2 weeks ( in 1 week increments) visiting the Mobile grandparents and aunts and uncles. 1 week at Vacation Bible School and then going home with a friend who has little boys until I pick them up. One week in camp. 1 week vacation
(mine) and then 1 week and some days with B'ham gparents, various friends and my working from home. This works out fine.

Again - thanks so much for the input.

In regard to childcare, don't forget to look at the resources closer to work v closer to home.

Quite a few people where I work either bring their kids into the city for their schooling/summer programs or drop them off halfway in. Being close to home doesn't necessarily factor into the choices that have to be made. Kids get up at 5 and 6 a.m. along with their parents so they can be dropped off at affordable programs closer to the parents work.

I am a department coordinator. Mine is a more outcome based job and is quite flexible because I can do the same thing from home as I can from work. I go into work to be available for office hours because we do have customers drop in upon occasion - so as long as I have someone covering my department for those occasions - it really doesn't matter where I do my job - I can do my job beside the pool as long as I have a computer and a cell phone...not that I would do that mind you - but I could .

I have to be mindful of being there - and I actually like being in the office - I love people and I miss them when I work from home. I recruit, and handle situations, and pick up where my manager runs out of hands to handle things. I go to health fairs and basically act as a company face when we take on new groups - I let the women with older children travel - while I handle the local area, though I have said I can handle going out of town occasionally as well - would love it in fact. We are quite a small company - though we are growing quite quickly. I feel things will change (some things for the better some things not so much) as we get larger.

HEY YOU!


yeah...because I am so low key like that. Blending in and going under the radar is SO me.

I was just thinking this would be a good thread for crazielady to monitor as she considers having a third child. You're covering a lot of territory that people have suggested she needs to think about - you're putting it in the context of a real family trying to make it work well for everyone.

Actually the queue folks get to work from home as well...harder for them though. Much of their work is paper and HIPAA regulations will not allow them to take it out of the office. If they work from home they have to have it scanned - it just LOOKS different. And once again - the manager of that department likes her folks there.

I can see now that it has as much to do with keeping the company as a whole in mind when making my requests. I think that is awesome advice.

Hm, as I said before, you really should look into an au pair program.
In exchange for room and board, they get less than a nanny, go to school in the morning and take care of the kids in the afternoon. In the summer when there is no school, they can be with the kids all day long. It's really a great
program for the au pairs to learn English and get to know the American way of life, and for the family to learn about the au pair and her country.

Third child makes a HUGE difference Beth. No longer conquer and divide - the twinks were easy - same grade - basically the same activities. Well - used to be - the older they get the more different they are - which is GOOD - but more difficult once you have a third child. You have to be at three places at the same time and that is just not always doable. You have to pare down. Make hard decisions.

Hey mismi... when I left my daughter's dad, she was 7. I had a great job with great pay, for the time. During the school year, she would walk home with a friend and hang out at their place - I paid her sisters to babysit. Then May came and I investigated the cost of full time daycare - I just about **** when I found out it was $350 a month - there was no way I could pay that. . What I wound up doing was signing her up at the local community centre which had a program from 8-3 every day for $25 a week. They did all kinds of things and went on field trips, etc. What to do with her those last two hours, from 3 -5? I asked her friend's older sisters to pick her up from the ctty centre and take care of her... she did and it worked out fine.

As far as time off for your kids' baseball etc - could you not pay a nominal fee to some parents of the other players to drive your kids? Could you do something for them in trade for that? You'd be surprised how many people would help out. Or are they playing at three different parks?

You can get creative because you have to! I've had to do it - believe me, it can be done.

This is a good suggestion as well. I have asked my husband about it and he is not thrilled with it...mainly because he likes his alone time and he would always feel like he had a guest in the house. I would love it...I will keep working on him.

I like these suggestions Mame - the are very creative. I do have a neighbor that has them walk home with her from the bus stop and keeps them that hour and a half. It is working fine for now - but may come to an end because she is starting to work soon. So I will keep my eyes open for more at the bus stop that might be interested in taking over when the time comes...

You are right - the costs are crazy when it comes to organized child care. Just no way we can pull that right now.

The problem in my area Beth is public school requires you to go in your district. It is quite a ways from where I work - about a 30 - 4o minute drive depending on the traffic - that is not terrible - but when you are having to make multiple trips and without buses to bring them closer - it just won't happen. I cannot get them home from school and back to a place near my office any easier. The housing market is so bad and where I work it is ridiculously expensive to live....so where we are now is where we must stay - for the time being anyway. Also the transportation system in Birmingham is horrible. Just not trustworthy and just doesn't run in some places. Crazy - and it has been a problem for a long time.

Mismi - consider a high school student - put an ad up in the schools or on kijiji... Call a babysitting club (my daughter belonged to one)... knock on doors in your neighbourhood.... ask some of their friends' parents if they know of anyone... but put that ad up on kijiji - i use that site ALL the time.

Thanks Mame - I will do all of those things. I will share them with my co-workers too.

I have this issue as well. My job is salaried – meaning I get paid a flat amount whether I work 20 hours in a week or 70 hours in a week. My scheduled work time is 37 and a half hours – it is expected I work overtime when needed to get the job done.

The policy I use to be as fair to co-workers as possible is if I take two hours or less off on a particular day – I don’t use vacation time. If I take more, I will use a half or full vacation day. I also make up the two hours later in the week. I usually end up working more than the scheduled work time each week any way. Some times, depending on the situation I bring work home with me. I make sure except in very unusual circumstances that I complete my work and that no one would have to cover for me.

Also, my husband and I split up the kids stuff so if a child is sick, he will take a sick day one time and I will another. Also, once when we both needed to get work done and my daughter was sick, I went in the office in the morning, worked for a bit, took my stuff home and he went in later.

I also agree – it doesn’t have to be about children – we are flexible what ever the situation is. It isn’t fair for those that do not have children. However, if your company is flexible with everyone, then there is no bias. For example, we have had people who left early one or two days a week to attend graduate school. I would suggest in your discussions, that the flexible arrangements include everyone, not just people with children.

That rule, from my understanding, is for hourly paid employees.

Does your company have some sort of assistance program - we have one that will search out daycare/summer camps/ and basically anything else - pet sitting/restaurant referrals -

The Y camps aren't cheap either though - we have used them - they are good; but not cheap - although if you qualify they do have financial assistance.