Working Moms and Dads - what is an acceptable expectation for time away from the job...

That sounds really good!

Your title and first round of questions were about what you can expect your employer to do. That's where some of the eek came from.

If your employer is willing to go above and beyond, that's excellent. Kudos to your employer. And it sounds like you managed it in such a way that no hackles were raised, which is tricky. So kudos to you too.

I've been pretty lucky in my work life. When I've been personally most stressed, I've been my most secure. Years later, I'm insecure, so I get it.

The time I missed work:

I had a good head of the lab job, flying high, when my mother failed. I didn't just get that right away. She took two long walks, one to (somehow) the police station in the Rampart Division (not good at all in many ways) and one to LAX (both a lot of miles) - they called me from the security center at LAX, or whatever they called it. I cringe now even typing this. Kills me to think of it. Her flailing sorrow.

Nobody I knew could help then and I knew at least one psychiatrist (friend of friend) and my network of medical superiors. This was before Alzheimers was the big word. In retrospect, platitudes.

I was already stressed out, visiting multiple times a week. Basically out of my mind trying to figure out what to do with her. I knew she was confused, but not to the extent.

A girlfriend recommended a doctor who recommended a psychiatrist. That psychiatrist will remain forever in my mind as chrystalized evil. She decimated my mother and had her taken off forthwith.
Not that I disagree so much with the psychiatrist, in retrospect, for taking her for evaluation, but re the whole scene, robes, jewels, arrogance.

This remains hard for me to talk about, excruciating.

However, re work, I missed some time. I made up for it, and a I barely needed to as I routinely worked way past five o'clock, but the clockwatcher across the hall complained about me.

The piquance was that she was disabled and worked a perfect 8-5. Whereas I worked a semiperfect 8.5 t0 8.

Beware of saints down the hall.

Anyway, back then I worked late at night to make up for daytime stuff.

Only ms. fusswidget cared. The department was fine with me, pushed me up.

my sorrow, large, but not the stuff of posts.

Osso - that is a very hard situation. I am sorry to hear you had to go through all of that. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you at the time.

Thankfully my desire for flexibility has been of a much different nature. One that is still holding on to the "full time mother" thing. Not that I am not that anymore - I am - but it looks different now and I forget that.

I do not want to infringe on anyone elses ability to complete their job, or to make them take on mine with my comings and goings. I just want to be able to enjoy the rest of my children's childhood - it isn't that much longer that they will need me like they do now. So there are parts of me that mourn my lost ability to go and do for them.

It is not a bad thing. They have learned much from my having to work -I have had to engage them in more chores than they had - so they are learning more about responsibility. Also they are learning about pitching in and helping even when it is not necessarily what you WANTED or PLANNED. That is pretty big.

I kind of appreciate that your company looked at the individual situation and took into account that you were making up for the time you had to take to care for your mother. I really think that is how it should be. I understand that company's have big job in keeping the grumblers from getting out of hand...but sometimes - things just are what they are. You will always have complainers...if they aren't complaning about someone not getting there on time - they will find something to be unhappy about. As my vp said yesterday morning - flexibility will look different for different departments. People on the phone queues will not be able to be as flexible. Whereas - because my job is not tied to my desk there at work - I can and do what I have to - even when I go to Mobile for Thanksgiving (my folks are down there) I work down there, so I can spend more time with my mom and dad.

I really do not get why they would not let me, Chai. I have a very young manager. She is amazing with PR and I have learned so much from her. But - I sometimes think that she pulls back just a bit because she is unsure as to whether it would blow up in her face. There is no real good reason that I can see - I can forward the phone to my mobile phone - it would be covered, I would complete my work day in a timely manner - I would have my eight hours by 4:30pm - so it is a bit perplexing as to "why".

But the benefit of being home in the afternoons would be immeasurable. I wouldn't have to have someone(my sweet neighbor) keep them - I could save the paltry amount I am paying her (huge to me) and get my work done. My boys are old enough that they are autonomous when it somes to getting their own snacks and homework...but they are boys and need supervision - they are maniacs when it comes to being daredevils. And they feed off of each other...so - one must be near when they are around...for a bit longer anyway.
And it would have me closer to their baseball park and after school activities, so I could leave at 4:30 (when I am already off) and have them at the park by 5:00(when a game begins).

This kind of thing may be good to save for my evaluation. When they tell me I can't have a raise (which I am pretty sure will happen) I can suggest this again. Or maybe - at least - working from home a couple of days a week.

I am very content with the way things are (after hearing how they COULD be) - this was a brain storm my young co-worker had and I told her I would help her research what is the norm. Apparently we work for a company that is exceptional already in their desire to meet us where our needs are. I am actually quite happy to relate this information to her.

I see this now Roger. Didn't take into account that concrete would mean having to adhere to the written word when someone complained or accused.

Glad your company was so accomodating!

Well - it was originally intended as to find what we could expect - but I see now that is not really what we want at all.

There is no doubt I work for a peach of a company. I did not approach her about it - but because I was listed as a member of the focus group, she came to me to see what was really going on. She was very affable about the whole situation. All in all - very good.

Thanks Soz!

See... now you've got me wincing again. This is where that thin edge of the wedge that ehbeth was talking about comes into play. If granting special privileges to certain employees becomes the norm then those who can't take advantage of those privileges will tend to feel taken for granted. It's natural then that they'll start grumbling - usually to their peers first. It affects morale throughout the company and eventually becomes a dividing wedge between employee groups and between staff and management.

It's a very slippery slope and your management group will need to find some tangible way to make those who don't get to finish up their day at home or work from their parent's house at holidays feel valued as employees. Your VP is right. Flexibility can be defined differently in different departments, but if it's not equitable then employee morale will suffer.

And, no, I don't think it's human nature to find something to bitch about. I think it's human nature to bitch to those who can't do anything to solve the problem (peers) rather than take it to management which, as an employer or as a peer, drives me bat-****. Once the staff start grumbling amongst themselves then it already too late in many cases to put the brakes on the complaining without creating a policy (in writing) that no one is satisfied with.

You are right JPB. I think the vp knows how to handle that though - it seems to me she has a good balance of what can and cannot be done. I am a people pleaser - I would totally suck at being in management.

I do think it is part of human nature to find something to be dissatisfied with though... that's just my opinion. It doesn't really count for much in this arena.

It is definitely a process - and one I - thankfully- do not have to be in charge of. I am all about everyone being happy. But I understand that I can't have it my way all of the time. I will do what I have to to make ends meet - and when it is not bearable - or I feel it is affecting my family, I will move on - IF I have that opportunity - if not. I will hitch up my britches and deal...just like everyone else.

But ultimately - this is not about me - though part of it was. It was about finding some concrete guidelines - and that ain't happening anytime soon. I am SO good with that.

....I am also still looking for some ideas on childcare issues like Boomer gave - not just for me, but for the other girls too. Anything that can be given in that area would be muchly appreciated...I should have thought better about the title of the thread - my first concern initially was the parameters though.

Where I work our regular hours are 8:00 to 4:30 M-F, however we are allowed to work a "flexible schedule." Some people work 7:00 to 3:30 five days per week. Others work 7:00 to 4:30, 4.5 days per week (or one day off every other week.) One person even works 10 hour days, 4 days per week. We used to be allowed one work from home day every other week but because one person abused the privilege, it was eliminated for everyone.

Management is the key to flexible schedules. Some managers can handle it. Some can't.

Do you have a park district that offers day camp programs? Or, can you pay non-resident fees to a nearby community that does have such a program? The park district summer camp program here is very popular. It's held at the schools and the kids are bused over to the pool every day for swimming lessons and free swim time then bused back. Pickup is around 3:00, so you'd still have that last hour to cover.

That happened in Mr B's old company too. No specific rules as to when the had to be in the office and very, very flexible on how the work day/week was structured until someone in management got mad about it being abused and canceled the entire thing.

It's not quite so flexible as that. If you are on a different schedule, that's your schedule and you have to stck to it.

Do you have a YMCA nearby? They have after school programs and also
summer camps. My daughter used to love their summer camps..

I can see where it would vary from business to business as to how flexible they can be. I can also see where a manager would get fed up with "taking advantage" of certain situations...that is kind of why I wanted some guides. I definitely do not want to take advantage or imposition anyone.

I actually change my schedule in the summer to go in a little later so the boys can sleep later. That has been nice - even though it puts him home pretty late. Their dad is home before me so he gets to play with them for a while...it works out fine.

I think the nature of the job has a lot to do with it too. Not quite sure of mismi's job. Something with set store/ office hours for example is very different from something that is more outcome-based.

That was one suggestion I had -- to coordinate with your husband so that you have the kids in the AM before school and he has them in the PM after school, for example. (As in if you work 9-5 and he works 7-3.) Not sure how flexible he is.

The Columbus Parks Dept. has good camps that run 9-4 in the summer, your city might have something similar. YMCA/ YWCA is another good suggestion.

If you have enough moms involved and if you have enough vacation time/ time off you could also do a childcare co-op, where one mom watches all of the kids for some amount of time, and trade that off. Summer is easier for that, taking them all to the pool or whatever.