Im bisexual and am seeing a married bisexual man

NSFW Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Im a 42 year old single bisexual male who is seeing a married bisexual man. We have been seeing eachother for a year. We have great sex and we get along well together. I am confused about what his feelings are for me or if he as any, sometimes I think he does. I dont know what to do. His wife is suspicious and asks him sometimes if he is cheating (even though she did it herself). His wife has cheated on him several times (one night stands). She has also asked him if he has ever been interested sexually in men and says she thinks its sick. I like him a lot but I dont expect him to leave his marriage if he is happy, but I dont know if he is. I would appreciate your input.

URL: http://able2know.org/post/ask/relationships/

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 10 • Views: 3,545 • Replies: 29

[+3] - sozobe - 04/15/2011You don't believe in it? I'm not sure what that means. I personally know plenty of people who identify as bisexual. They pretty much run the gamut. Several have settled into long-term...

@Chuck1969,

Do you want him to leave his marriage?

1 Reply

@Chuck1969,

Wouldn't you rather pursue a loving relationship with an unattached bisexual couple like me.

2 Replies

@laughoutlood,

laughoutlood wrote:

Wouldn't you rather pursue a loving relationship with an unattached bisexual couple like me.

Long as you don't bill Medicare for each of your personalities (a psychiatrist went to jail for doing that) I support your idea 2 Cents

0 Replies

@laughoutlood,

brilliant lol. Just... brilliant

sorry OP... your call is important to us please leave a message at the tone.

0 Replies

@sozobe,

Thanks for your response. Thats difficult to say. He has three children in their mid and late teens, and early 20's. If he wanted out of his marriage then sure but not unless. His wife and he seldom have sex, sometimes 6 weeks go by without anything happening sexually. Maybe she is still cheating? He is very passionate when we have sex.

1 Reply

You are involved with a man who is involved with someone else - married, in fact. So you are the "other woman" or "other man" - whichever . . .

What should you do?

Break it off and find someone single.

The fact that you asked indicates that deep down, you know what has to be done.

1 Reply

@Chuck1969,

Well, we just can't tell you if he wants out of his marriage. (We also don't know for a fact how often he is having sex with his wife -- he may be telling the truth about that, but then again he might not be.)

If you're interested in a more stable, long-term relationship with him, then I think you should go ahead and broach the subject. If you're worried that it might scare him off, you can start general and oblique and then follow cues.

If you find out that he enjoys the sex but doesn't really want to leave his marriage, then what?

(Remember there may be reasons beyond happiness that he doesn't want to leave his marriage -- scandal, effect on children, identity [right now he publicly identifies as straight], etc.)

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

Break it off and find someone single.

The fact that you asked indicates that deep down, you know what has to be done.

That's not the OP's question. That's what you think is his question and that's your problem not his.

He's asking how can he tell if his lover is happy in his marriage.

Do you know the answer to that question? I don't know the answer but I would ask before breaking up.

0 Replies

@sozobe,

sozobe wrote:

(We also don't know for a fact how often he is having sex with his wife -- he may be telling the truth about that, but then again he might not be.)

You're a woman, right? A man wouldn't lie about something like that.

1 Reply

@electronicmail,

We see it all the time in these questions (and IRL) when it's the other woman instead of the other man -- where the married guy says that he doesn't have sex with his wife anymore at all (and yet she becomes pregnant), or various other exaggerations.

In general, men are probably more likely to brag about how much they're getting rather than vice versa. But in this specific situation -- a married person cheating on his spouse -- men seem to downplay how much sex they're having with the spouse.

0 Replies

@Chuck1969,

Chuck1969 wrote:

Im a 42 year old single bisexual male who is seeing a married bisexual man. We have been seeing eachother for a year. We have great sex and we get along well together. I am confused about what his feelings are for me or if he as any, sometimes I think he does. I dont know what to do. His wife is suspicious and asks him sometimes if he is cheating (even though she did it herself). His wife has cheated on him several times (one night stands). She has also asked him if he has ever been interested sexually in men and says she thinks its sick. I like him a lot but I dont expect him to leave his marriage if he is happy, but I dont know if he is. I would appreciate your input.

URL: http://able2know.org/post/ask/relationships/

Your question is not clear. The very nature of the term ,bisexual, implies multiple partners. You also did not tell us how he answered his wife's question. The nature of her remark indicates she is not the best partner for a bisexual male.
The wife's behavior indicates she, at least, suspects her husband's behavior.
It really sounds to me as though some honesty, among the players, is required for any of you to find happiness in this situation.
What, exactly, are your intentions?
Do you plan to continue as bisexual?

1 Reply

@wayne,

wayne wrote:

Your question is not clear. The very nature of the term ,bisexual, implies multiple partners.

That's not true, actually. "Bisexual" means someone who can be attracted to men or women.

So someone who identifies as bisexual can have a long-term, monogamous relationship; the pool of potential partners is just larger than for a straight person or a gay person.

(Just as straight a man can be attracted to a wide variety of women, but enter into a long-term, monogamous relationship with just one woman.)

1 Reply

@Chuck1969,

He and you by way of him are placing her health at a risk that she is not even aware of.

This is bad enough when the cheating involved heterosexual sex, but his and your actions had placed her in a CDC high risk group for HIV just to start with.

Shame on both of you for so doing.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

Yes Bill!!! That's exactly what I was going to write.

Poor woman being used by her scumbag of a husband (every six weeks or so when he feels like it) to what? Keep up appearances?
Disgusting- she's being subjected to all the diseases of any of the partners of her bisexual husband's affairs- and when she asks him - he lies.
I think that's despicable.

And this guy here is worrying about HIS future as co-liar in the situation.
He says the wife thinks it's sick - I think the dishonesty and selfishness displayed here and the callous treatment of this woman- who is the mother of his children- is 'sick' too.

1 Reply

@sozobe,

You are quite right, as far as the definition of the term bisexual.
The nature, I refer to, is something quite different. It is impossible for one person to satisfy both attractions, defined by the term bisexual.
It is conceivable that one person could satisfy the attactions of an heterosexual, or homosexual. Monogamy is basically contradictory to the term bisexual.
But then, maybe I am over-complicating it.
I do see your point though.
In my view, the term bisexual presents a direct contradiction to the term monogamous.

0 Replies

Sorry gang - I don't believe in the concept of bi-sexuality to explain away preference.

There's a lot of sexual activity out there - same sex, opposite sex, groups, and self. Opportunity (or lack of it) and promiscuity cloud things.

But at the end of the day, there is still a perference.

And, yes, I know that dolphins and chimps "mess around" with same sex partners, but they are animals and don't have our higher level of social bonding that we do.

2 Replies

@PUNKEY,

You don't believe in it? I'm not sure what that means.

I personally know plenty of people who identify as bisexual. They pretty much run the gamut.

Several have settled into long-term relationships that are either opposite-sex or same-sex. (And some of them get very annoyed if you then try to classify them as "straight" or "gay" because of that relationship.) Some of them were actually gay but had a phase when they were identifying as bisexual. Etc., etc.

Do you "believe in" homosexuality? If so, how do you believe in one but not the other?

I think the Kinsey scale is basically right. 0 is completely straight, 6 is completely gay, then there are the people who are 2-5 on the scale.

0 Replies

@PUNKEY,

Quote:

And, yes, I know that dolphins and chimps "mess around" with same sex partners, but they are animals and don't have our higher level of social bonding that we do.

Their packs are if anything is more important to their survival then our groupings happen to be

0 Replies

@aidan,

Its actually his wife that doesnt want to have sex. She has had affairs before and told him only when she and her friend had a falling out because she was worried her friend would tell him.

3 Replies

Im bisexual and am seeing a married bisexual man

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know