Taken by suprise

Not necessarily swinging per se. Just talked about our fantasies. But that's all they were to us.



Well, not swingers... just some guy. But yes, I was aware she was in a chat room, getting all kinds of PM's to cyber. She refused them all from what I've seen.



Well, not too bad.... until I told her I wouldn't do it. Yes, I told her I wasn't comfortable with having a 3-some. And *now* she's pushing. It's getting aggrivating and I let her know it was pissing me off big time and to drop it.



She was a virgin when we met. Trust me.... she *was* a virgin..... and I've never seen anything of an alarming nature



I seriously doubt it. This guy lives over 600 miles away or so.... me and my wife work the same job and are never away for more than an hour or so.



Yeah... I know his screen name and chat media. Not only that, he e-mailed me..... saying he would like to get to know us.

Bottom line, I told her I wasn't interested. I told her it made me sick to think of myself with another woman and for her to be with another man. I never really put any thought into my own fantasies until now. I can only see damage and hurt come from this, I consent to none of it. I'm tempted to e-mail this guy and tell him to shove off. But I dunno if that would be a mature thing to do. Also, how do I handle this if she keeps pushing.... do I go and grab a lawyer or what?

The one who is being immature is your wife. She is attempting to get you into an intimate situation that you find distasteful. She really has no consideration for you. It is up to HER to tell this guy to shove off. If she won't, and this guy is more important to her than you, I say, let her go to him. And then call a good lawyer.

Read my mind.....

bigun, I think it's premature to hire a lawyer, or to tell the guy to shove off. If he has already e-mailed you, I think you need to strategize. You won't get honest answers from your wife, but if you respond to this dude honestly, guy to guy, and make that clear, you may just be able to nip this in the bud, without having to go through your wife. A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, a very serious girlfriend of mine started an affair with someone who was a mutual friend. I found out about it, but said nothing to her. I called him up and said, hey, can I pop by your place and bring some brews, I think we need to talk. There was a hesitant "okay." I went over, polite as pie, we cracked some beers and sat down. I waited until he asked "sooo....what did you want to talk about?" I said, "Well, I wanted to talk about the fact that I know you are having an affair with my girlfriend." "Ahh, I see..." We chatted for a while, I found out how it started, I got tons of info, made the dude feel horrible without even getting nasty, then I dumped the ho. She was shell-shocked. Slightly different situation on your part, but don't screw up the good part by being a raging bull, play the 'shadow-angle', so to speak.

Oh, and if that doesn't work, then what Phoenix said.

cav- There is a big difference between a girlfriend and a wife. I don't think that the other guy matters at all in this situation. It is between bigun and his wife.

I think that the woman has problems, big time. If bigun settles it with the guy, it is just a matter of time when another situation, with another guy, will rear its head. He needs to deal with his wife, and determine whether his marriage is salvageable.

I'm with Phoenix on this one; big difference between a girlfriend and wife. Different situation entirely IMHO.

True enough Phoenix, but after going over the other thread that bigun posted, it may be time for him to settle this, get this guy out of the way, and then deal with his wife. Sure, it's her responsibility to do that, but it doesn't sound like she will. I was just trying to offer a different perspective. It's hard to get a good focus on whether or not a marriage is salvageable when a third party is involved, however remote. She won't do it, he should.

bigun

If it's not the sort of thing that you feel comfortable with don't even consider it! You'd only be doing it out of loyalty to your wife, anyway. And it doesn't sound as though she's been exactly loyal to you in getting involved herself.

Guys... it's over. She just told me she had feelings for him and can't let go. I kicked some stuff around and left. I told her it's over and I'm calling a lawyer tommorrow. I don't care what she does now.......

Good luck, bigun, this could all be very hard for you. Take good care of yourself, OK?

I'll try.....

You could always keep talking to the people here, too .... They're a good lot. Very supportive. And sensible. Try not to isolate yourself, OK?

I'm at a friend's house right now, I'm waiting on him to get home.... I'll keep chatting here in the meanwhile....

Sad to hear, bigun, but you're doing the right thing in light of the circumstances. Hang in there.

I don't care what she does now.......

Bigun, you will find that you do care and it is important that you recognize that and deal with it. I hope you see a councilor as well as a lawyer.

Good!
Check out some other threads while you're at it. Or start a thread! Enjoy!
Distract yourself!

bigun, I concur; take care of yourself - both mentally and physically. Sometime **** happens, and when it's out of our control, it's useless to blame ourself for it. If she has feelings for him, then that's what'll happen when she gets involved with this dork. She's gonna find somebody else, then somebody else, then somebody else....... It's not your problem; it's hers.

My friend is here, I'm getting off the computer...

Bye, then ....