Taken by suprise

I wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole. Just one question; what are you married for?

To have the same warm body next to me every morning...

To be used to that person, to fall in love and grow old with.....

At the same time, me and her have this wild side... her wild side came out only a few days ago... it's intruiging to me... but at the very same time, I'm scared off my ass...... scared of emotional attachments, other issues, etc...

Assuming this is a real issue and not something posted as a goof, I would say you and your wife, or if she refuses than just you, had better see a marriage councilor real fast. If you agree to this your headed for trouble.

This is *not* a goof.....

I'm serious as my last post about my relationship.....

You need to see a councilor and the sooner the better.

bigun--

Very important questions to which I need the answer before giving any advice. Do you have kids from this marriage? Do you or your wife have kids from a previous marriage? Do you plan to have kids?

From what I've seen in 2003--going on 2004--there are "Marriages-marriages" and "Family Marriages". Which sort are we talking about?

No kids, first marriage.... don't *plan* on having kids for another 5 or so years

Bigun--

Does your nom-de-chat indicate the size of your manly beauty?

I'm a 63-year-old, old-fashioned prude. If your nom-de-chat is an announcement that you are a real stud, ready to sizzle--go ahead.

If you were braggin' just a bitty-but, think again.

Meanwhile, figure out just why you are taken aback by your wife's suggestion of a threesome. Are you old-fashioned jealous? Old-fashioned intimidated? Or old-fashioned offended that your wife's marriage vows (the "forsaking all others" part) seem to mean little to her?

To clarify your thinking: Where would this threesome take place? Your marriage bed? A motel?

Start doing some focused thinking.

Wow, what a doozie. You do really need to think about how you feel about this now, how you might feel during and after. Play it out in your head. You can't guess exactly how it'll feel, but you could probably get within some range of how you'll feel. I honestly wish I could say go for it and have fun. But, I've seen several open marriages that haven't worked in the long run.

Keep us posted.

IMO the "chat" angle suggests it has less to do with adventurism than other things.

I'm with Noddy, or at least where I think she is.

For a fun sex life I'd say yes. For a "family" I'd say no and seek help.

But what do I know, I'm 5.

I'll second that. If anyone I was involved with even suggested it, it would change everything and would send me having some serious trust issues.

When in doubt...........don't. Once this starts, your life, and your feelings about your wife, will be changed forever.

bigun- Hmm...............I just noticed this:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=390637#390637

Looks like you have LOTS of issues with this woman. If you are wise, you will not let her control you. If I were you, I would find a professional, quick, and find out why you permit yourself to be led around by this woman, and why you allow yourself to live life on a perpetual roller coaster.

UHHH, Id consider me first here. Are you , like , realizing that this is so gay?

NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

Phoenix makes a good point in posting that thread of yours bigun. Also, consider this: not only will you have to touch another dude, what if he looks like Ron Jeremy? That visual just makes me wanna gag, dunno about you.

Is it gay? Depends. Let's say both guys are facing each other, and the chick is in the middle. If the high five is the only contact, it's only slightly gay. If both guys have their arms wrapped around each other's necks or hands on the other's ass, then it's wicked gay.

If the threesome involves the wife, and another woman, it's kick-ass. And you own story time with your friends for a good while.

If you have doubts, don't do it. If you're the "swinging type," then why not. It depends on your attitude towards marriage.

Call her bluff...bring home a woman who is way more attractive than she is and with a better rack and start the rumpus immediately...then you'll either find out she doesn't really mean it and that's that, or you're in for a fun night....it's a win win situation that's for sure......hell, call the escort service and bring in a ringer. Money well spent for the peace of mind, among other things.

I chatted for several years and perhaps have a different perspective.

Your wife met someone online. She's (and he's) infatuated. They want to meet and take it to another level. But, she doesn't want to leave you and doesn't want it to be a secret "affair". So give her points for some honesty, as she's trying to include you.

Now, a few things. For people who have chat "relationships", things change when they start talking on the phone. Is your wife talking to this guy on the phone? It's possible, even if you can't find any evidence of this (whaddaya think prepaid phone cards are for?) in your phone or cel phone bills. And once there's a voice to go along with the chat, that changes a lot of things, and makes the "relationship" more, for lack of a better expression, real. So that may be going on, and it may very well include phone sex. You need not watch your wife like a hawk (that would be a bad situation for all concerned), but it's something to think about.

Another consideration may be that they have already met. And that's, ah, there's something. Because, the vast majority of the time when infatuated online people meet for the first time, they sleep together. So that's a possibility. Even if the guy doesn't live in your town, it's still possible that there's been sex - don't underestimate the ability of people (men in particular) to drive long distances for a roll in the hay. So that's another possibility - that the relationship is already sexual and she's just looking to cut you in on the, er, action.

And, do you know (or at least have an idea) about how she chats? And who she chats with? Is the door shut when she chats? Are you home when she chats? Does she minimize chat windows when you come into the room? Is it one-to-one, or is it in an actual chatroom where there are presumably several people interacting online? I'll bet you whatever you like that there's already cybersex going on between them, in private, one-to-one chat (that's a big part of the infatuation factor). How does that make you feel? A little healthy fantasy is one thing, but you may feel differently if your wife has a regular cybersex partner. Or two. Or more. So you'll need to ask yourself how that makes you feel.

Finally, consider the age factor. The guy could be a teen who's lying about his age. If he crosses state lines for this roll in the hay, you could find yourself charged with a federal offense. Or, he could be an undercover cop. Weirder things have happened in the world.

My advice: go to your wife and try to get some straight answers about what exactly is and has been going on, and what she expects to gain from any of this - and what she expects could be lost. If she doesn't give you straight answers, or you're unhappy with the answers given, get thee to a counselor, and perhaps also to an attorney. Your marriage isn't necessarily shot beyond all hope, but these are major red flags and you need to recognize them as such.

Re: Taken by suprise


I have a bit of experience with swinging...but I need to know a few things first before I can offer advice on how to deal with this situation.

Have you guys talked about swinging before? What came out of it?

Were you aware that your wife was chatting with swingers? Did she let you know she was doing this before she actually went and did it?

How adamate is your wife about having a 3sum?

Is there anything in your wife's past that makes you nervous about her ability to stay faithful?