Bad Music Puns - feed me!

not exactly a pun,but musical humour nonetheless

Approved!

a true music pun from Bennett Cerf (the king of puns)

an astronaut crashes on a distant planet,he's captured by the inhabitants who identify themselves as the furry's, he realizes he's heard of these creatures and their strange but beautiful leader, he's taken to the royal palace and brought before the queen, she's the most beautiful of the furry's, with one glaring difference from her kin, she has a large hypodermic needle growing out of the top of her head,she addresses the astronaut, "so you are an earth man", "yes" he replies,"and you must be the pretty little furry with the syringe on top, i've heard so much about"

it helps if you know a lot of older musicals

Roy the Crayfish was taken early from this life.. undersize you might say.. and ascended to heaven.

After many years of exemplary angelic endeavour, Roy was a favorite in heaven. His halo sparkled, his wings sleek, and his harp playing was divine. One day St Peter approached Roy with a message from God. "Roy, you've been such a wonderful angel to have here in heaven.. and God regrets that you didnt' get the chance to experience much of life on earth, dieing so young and all. So God would like to give you 24 hours on earth to enjoy yourself. perhaps see a bit of what you missed."

Roy was a bit shellshocked at first.. but then thought 'well, I have missed my old school friend sam terribly.. I always wondered what he did with his life. I should like to visit him one time."

And *POOF* Roy found himself once again a corporeal crustacean under the sea.

He marvelled at what the world had become, and as he stared around in wonder he heard a voice from behind him. "Roy! Is that you?!" And there was his old school friend, sam, calling from the door of a nightclub.

Well, the two old friends caught up over a few drinks. sam had indeed grown up, and owned the nightclub. The two continued in their reminiscences, drinking more and more through the night. Roy had never experienced alcohol before, and became thoroughly inebriated. He laughed loudly, he weaved when he walked, his wings got fluffed and his halo slid to a rakish angle.... he even jumped up on stage with the band and blew the joint away with a rockin harp jam.

Morning approached, the old friends embraced and slurred their farewells... and *POOF* Roy ascended to heaven again.

St Peter was stunned when he saw the smiling swaying Cray. "Roy! What happened? Did you get mugged? Your halo is askew and your wings are dirty! And where is your harp? You know no angel can enter heaven without wings, halo and harp."

Roy realised he could not reenter heaven. Neither could he return to earth. "Oh no" he wept, "I left my harp in sam Crab's disco".

The problem is all inside your head, mom said to me
'Cause liver is tasty as a piece of meat can be
I know that if you try it once then you will see
There must be fifty ways to love your liver

She said you really need to eat more healthy food
Furthermore, I think your comment that it's crap is just plain rude
So you keep sitting there
'Til the time that you conclude
There must be fifty ways to love your liver

Fifty ways to love your liver

You just spread on the sauce, Ross
Put it on bread, Ned
And just shovel it in, Flynn
I'm sure you'll agree
Gulp it or chew, Stu
But just get it into you
You'll think that it's great, Nate
That's my guarantee

You just shake on the salt, Walt
Try it with rice, Brice
It's much better than Spam, Sam
So stop the debate
Don't say it's bad, Brad
You're just gonna make dad mad
You're here 'til it's gone, Don
So clean off your plate

I said the look of it just makes me want to heave
I wish there was something I could say to get you to believe
That I don't appreciate this
You're trying to deceive
About the fifty ways

She said don't be like that, just try a single bite
And I believe as you're chewing you'll conclude that I am right
I was trapped there, so I tried it and then smiled with delight
There must be fifty ways to love your liver

Fifty ways to love your liver

This stuff is da bomb, mom
Better than pie, Di
I guess I'm eating crow, Flo
'Cause this is the best
This is a hit, Britt
So I'm gonna admit it
It's more than ok, May
I'm really impressed

OK, now she's gone, Dawn
This is the truth, Ruth
Gonna need me a pail, Gail
'Cause I'm gonna spew
I'm turning blue, Sue
'Cause this stuff tastes like doo doo
I'll throw it away, Faye
And tell her I'm through

http://parodyman.com/lyrics/50Ways.htm

Some years ago, at the height of his fame, Phil Collins embarked on a world tour to promote his latest album. The tour took in over 300 cities in 10 months.

His wife was pregnant at the time and was unable to join him.

Finally, the day arrived when Phil could rejoin his family, including their now two month old son. His wife was waiting for him at Heathrow Airport and, when she saw him, leapt over a security barrier and ran at full tilt towards her husband.

Unfortunately, just a few yards separated them when she lost her footing and fell, rolled over twice and landed, somewhat inelegantly, at the feet of the multi-million album-selling pop sensation. She reached up and proceeded to kiss her man's knees repeatedly.

This show of affection resulted in Phil's writing his most famous ditty - "She's A Kneesy Lover".

You guys are killing me. Literally.

Here comes Lorraine again.
I can't stand Lorraine.
Who'll stop Lorrainne?
oh..wait... I can see clearly now. Lorraine has gone.

Milli Vanilli

'Blame it on Lorraine'

Yep. I have a pun buffer in my head that instantly turns "the rain" into Lorraine even before I hear it in any song.

Another silly travel game to play is to sing songs but substitute:

Fart for 'heart'
Lunch for 'love'
Arse/Ass for 'eyes'

So the Platters classic becomes

They said someday you'll find
All who lunch are blind
Oh, when your fart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your arse

Ditto! - Entering mondegreen territory - Excuse me while I kiss this guy.

ah yes... I even wrote and performed as Lady Mondegreen on the radio couple times. I think the writing was ok but the performance was terrible (not my thing), so she was buried rather quickly.

These are terrific.
Please continue!

(Just letting you know there's an appreciative audience out here. )

Feed me (see more from Little Shop of Horrors)

Pun, parody, metaphor, hyperbole - 'e knew 'em all.

Compulsive sound recordist: I never met a man I didn’t mike

When musicians do it, it’s called band on the pun.