Smack That Cheney-Bot!
June 17, 2004
By MAUREEN DOWD
WASHINGTON
The whole thing was extremely suspicious.
People here still haven't stopped buzzing about the
president's bizarre behavior at the White House unveiling
ceremony for the Clintons' official portraits on Monday.
Mr. Bush acted totally out of character: witty, engaged,
amiable, bipartisan and magnanimous. Even to Bill and
Hillary.
He gave a sly wink to his own black-sheep past and that of
the wayward Rodham brothers, Hugh and Tony, when he greeted
the Rodhams' mom, Dorothy: "Welcome, we're glad you're
here. And those two boys you're still trying to raise."
W. gave lavish encomiums - and even a nickname - to the man
he once accused of stripping the White House of dignity and
honor. Saying his dad was 41 and he's 43, he grinned and
said, "We're glad you're here, 42."
Even Bill Clinton was dumbfounded, not to mention
confounded. Maybe that's why the usually articulate 42
declared he felt like "a pickle stepping into history."
Shouldn't he have felt like the ham and cheese between two
slices of Wonder bread?
Mr. Clinton told friends afterward that he was blown away,
that W. had never been so nice to him before. There was no
smirk, no begrudging. And Clinton pals at a Georgetown
restaurant that night alternated between bellowing about
getting rid of President Bush and marveling at how great
he'd been at the unveiling.
"Maybe after a week of seeing the comparisons of himself
and Reagan, in which he did not come out as well," one
Clintonista speculated, "he's getting the knack of acting
more like Reagan." Mr. Clinton used to study Reagan tapes
to pick up pointers; why shouldn't Mr. Bush?
Perhaps we have a Potomac invasion of the body snatchers.
Maybe, like the grumpy wives of Stepford, bristly W. has
been replaced by soothing W. With the race with John Kerry
so tight, the Republicans were reminded last week of the
advantages of a leader with a light touch - not one who's
at odds with the world, and rattled about the prison
torture scandal creeping toward Rummy and the sulfurous
reversals in Iraq. (Although it would be natural for Mr.
Bush to feel churlish. After going to war to save Iraqis
from a regime that "tortured children in front of their
parents," now he can't even trust the Iraqis to bring
Saddam to justice.)
Like the Stepford husbands, G.O.P. bigwigs could have met
in a smoky men's club and decided they wanted a W. who was
a little less pushy and a little more sunny. All world
domination, all the time, can be wearing.
The Republicans messed up their first attempt at this, when
they took Dick Cheney to an undisclosed location to switch
him with a replicant. Instead of an affable, reassuring
presence, as he was in Bush I, the Bush II vice president
is a macabre automaton who keeps repeating, over and over,
as contrary evidence piles up, that Saddam and Al Qaeda
were linked, and that Mohamed Atta met an Iraqi
intelligence officer in Prague.
Mr. Cheney did it again on Monday in Florida speaking at -
where else? - a conservative think tank; he said Saddam
"had long-established ties with Al Qaeda." This claim, used
by the White House to justify its gallop to war, was once
more flatly contradicted by the 9/11 panel's report
yesterday: "Two senior bin Laden associates have adamantly
denied that any ties existed between Al Qaeda and Iraq. We
have no credible evidence that Iraq and Al Qaeda cooperated
on attacks against the United States."
The report says Osama did seek help from Saddam in the
90's, "despite his opposition to Hussein's secular regime."
But aside from sending an official to meet with Osama in
Sudan, Saddam stiffed his request for weapons and
training-camp space.
Mr. Cheney isn't programmed to process evidence that shows
he was wrong; he simply keeps repeating the same
nonsensical claims as if he has a microchip malfunction.
Unfortunately, there's no spouse to give him a knock on the
head, as the Stepford husbands do when their Farrah
fem-bots go haywire and keep repeating things like, "I'll
just die if I don't get that recipe. . . . I'll just die if
I-I-I [bop!] don't get that recipe. . . ."
Cheney-bot just keeps going and going: "He had
long-established ties with Al Qaeda. . . . He had
long-established ties with Al Qaeda-a-a. . . . He-he-e-e?-?- brzzzrrrp!"
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http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/17/opinion/17DOWD.html?ex=1088471142&ei=1&en=0a29122ee121fa8a