making friends

It sounds to me like you're meeting the wrong people for you. If you're doing things that you love doing then you'll meet like-minded people. Try something new to be with the kind of people you'd like to be with.

Go to your interests - interesting people will be there.

For example, if you are interested in hockey or classical music, then find groups or stores or other places where like minded people gather together.
At least it's a start.

If you really don' t like to be around people, that's OK too.
Not everyone is a social butterfly.

Kind of limits action with the chicks, though.

I don't think he's too worried about that, Punkey.

Geez - I missed that.
All the self-loathing got in the way.

Off to counseling you go. . . .

I'm not sure I really need counselling.

I am not entirely sure; I've not ever been comfortable with expressing how I feel to anyone. I also think I have come to the conclusion that going to parents for advice is pointless, because they don't seem to be to deal with their own problems, let alone anyone else's; it’s not that they have any real major problems, I just no longer have any faith in them as parents.

Hmm.

I don't think that's necessarily true -- I think people can be both able to give good advice and not be able to handle all of their own problems. ("Physician, heal thyself.")

And of course there may be many many problems they are handling to the point that you don't even know that there was a problem that needed to be handled.

Maybe try that as a first step? They know you better than we do. Would that be too upsetting if it doesn't work out? Or is it worth the possibility that one or both of them could actually be helpful?

Everybody needs a "cookie person" i.e. somebody that will hear what you have to say and can get into your feelings without judgment, correcting or gasping.

A good counselor can be that.

So you're gay and you don't like mentioning it?
And you don't open up to people easily?

I am not gay (wouldn't be an issue for me if I were), but I shared your second problem till quite some time back. It had mainly to do with the fact that I was a super-ambitious nerd - still am - and even though human nature interested me, people interested me, I never had the time to hang around with people. I would spend limited time with whoever I came in touch with - mainly friends at school and undergrads - and made sure they didn't burden me with their life/love issues. So I never really "knew" anyone and they didn't "know" me.

That changed when I left home and went to study at a university to get post-graduate education (known as grads in the US). Though initially I was reluctant to break out of the don't-care-about-people shell, I eventually did. Midway through the course, I did soul-searching and figured what the problem was. I figured I was naturally a people's person, but because I had set myself out to achieve so much, people had taken a backseat.

So I took a decision. I decided I was going to be there for people. I was going to be the sort of person who is capable of forming deep, meaningful relationships with people.

It was not easy. There were times when making a choice between going out with friends and reading a book would be a struggle. Sometimes during social interaction, I would secretly feel that I should have been back in my room doing more productive things.

It got better over time, as I continued to push myself over the boundary.

So I guess you've to figure out why you don't like people? Maybe you're just not a people's person. And that's fine. Maybe there's something else.

FYI, I didn't like a great majority of people I met during the course of my two years at the university. My advantage lied in the fact I met a lot of new people everyday, so I had a bigger pool to select people I wanted to be friends with from. I partied, I joined several clubs (think they call them fraternities in the US) and basically did pretty much everything that would bring me in contact with new people often.

Maybe you've above-average intelligence and need people to match your caliber.

Keep at it.

Yeh I kind of feel the same....people are troublesome...I cant seem to do what is neccessary to maintain friendships...I am so busy that I put people second to getting things done...so I never feel love...kind of tired of it...whats the point of life? I just cant seem to get it together on the social situation..dont even like my daughter...

I have to say at the risk of everyone here who knows me saying "A HA! I knew she was asocial!!!!" that I feel your post. People ARE troublesome. When you're navigating teen years, and all your girlfriends make a play for your boyfriend, and they gossip about you, spread your confidences through the grapevine, and generally betray you in any way they are creative enough to come up with - you begin to feel like an idiot even thinking about trusting them - or anyone else. Why in HELL share your private life and thoughts with people you can't trust??

So, of course, you find other friends.... Uh huh, yeah. It still happens... So, you keep shopping around for trustworthy friends... and you may find some who are not quite as bad, but in the end, they all betray you in some way.

And, because you've widened your net, most of these new friend prospects don't really have a lot in common with you. Their viewpoint is skewed, their belief system is goofy or rigid or just makes you wanna slap them... You really don't belong in a friendship with a lot of people... I think it requires a constellation of shared - or complimentary - attributes and circumstances...

And, you have to work to maintain. UGH!!!! I hate that. Well, chicks anyway. This is why I gravitated to having mostly friends that were male. So much less work, far less drama, which leaves much less possibility for betrayal. They're mostly surface, which works for me. If there's no sexual tension - or if you can directly dispel it - this is optimal, I think.

So, it seems I've been able to finally find two really awesome chick friends finally - cause they're just like me. But, here's the kicker. Friendship is TIRING to me. It's exhausting. I like to take vacations of months from them. I think if I was socially comfortable...like I wasn't worried that I may say the wrong thing half the time, I wouldn't need breaks... Luckily, they like breaks, too. (grin)

Rplais - how old is your daughter? Does she do something that has caused you to recoil from her?

Spider, I listen.

What?

Good post.

But look around.

As many people are still only just getting to grips with social media bookmarking websites there are a few small things you should know. It doesn’t matter how good your story is – you might have discovered a living Dinosaur at the bottom of your garden but if you don’t follow a few basic tips no-one is going to know about it – expect the traffic to roll in, be friendly!
Kiran

I feel consumed by my insecurities, overwhelmed by them to the point where it feels that I am totally subject to them. I prefer spending time on my own because I have no reason to feel inhibited by others when I'm by myself. I find that solitude can be quite enjoyable, but right now, it’s horrible, I want to be with other people and be fully myself but I can’t.

I do not want to be ashamed, but I feel that I have an aversion to telling people how I feel, and it cripples my entire life.

Have you ever read anything on the subconscious mind? Books on that are fascinating, and can in part help explain why you behave the way you feel.

There's also books on 'freeing your emotions'.

I can't really tell you where to start, but I spent two years reading a few hundred books trying to find the answer to 'how do I direct my own development' (as in, without books or training courses etc - something I could do just of my own accord). While looking into this I found that came to understand myself better, and how my mind worked a lot better, and I was then able to ease fears away, and develop 'programs' to handle awkward situations better. My empathy for other people improved drastically, my patience improved, etc...and yet, I also found that I will never reach anywhere near 'perfection' in any field, but rather, that there was always some way in which I could grow in any chosen endeaver, no matter how good I became at it. Socially I have more friends now, and people approach me a lot more, and I find myself enjoying their company a great deal more. I find myself speaking from the heart, where I never would have before, and I find myself calmly standing up for myself, where before I would possibly have said nothing, or made a ham of it.

And as I've grown I've found myself understanding other things that I would not have been capable of before I understood the 2 or 3 'concepts' that support it...and I've little doubt that as I develop, even knewer concepts will open to me. It's a fascinating world :>

What I'm saying is look for the answer to your current situation, and how you can develop into someone you want to be...and along the way you'll find yourself achieving other things that you never knew you could do.

Thanks for all your replies. I've decided to go an see a psychologist and have a talk. Its the best thing I could do at this point in time.

Glad to hear that. All the best, and keep us posted, EP!

Osso, did something in my post startle you? I'm free all day today. Tell me, I'll explain.