Why am i doing this to myself?

What makes you think she doesn't love you? Have you ever tried striking a conversation with her? How do you know really?

Maybe she does like you, and is just shy to express her feelings.

Couple things:

1. While you are having mindless sex with these gals. you diminish them. Hey, who knows, maybe one of them COULD be for you, but you aren't even looking them in the eye. Don't be so free with this very intimate action.

2. As Spidergal asks, are you SURE there's no chance with this gal? Is she married or something? WHY do you feel there could never be anything between you?

3. And here's another. Pining away for the unattainable gives you an excuse for sleeping around. Do you have commitment issues you are covering up with all this "languishing from afar"?

as far as the girl i love,I wrote a goddam book on this issue somewhere in the forums so if i feel like it i'll find and link it for you. but its really clear, She is in love with her ex although they have a terrible relationship and are constantly off again on again she feels like he's "the one"....She told me this point blank.

I made certain that she knew i was interested and asked her out several times but she always politely declined and made excuses, she's wonderful and just wants to be friends but i cant be her friend when i feel like this about her because im not strong enough.....

There's a couple of things you need to get honest with yourself Mike.

You actualy ARE a player, and you really ARE an asshole.

Now, before you go jumping up and calling me names, getting angry, telling me what a good person, and great boyfriend you are, take a look at yourself.

Again, without having to listen to the insults you must want to fling at me (and which really don't effect me, since you're the player and asshole, not me)....Why exactly do you think you're the one taking advantage of the "fat chicks" and that it's not the other way around?

As a player, and an asshole, you have this really inflated opinion of yourself. Has it not occurred to you that some women may just be looking at you like someone to ****, that they're not going to have to get involved with because, well, you're kinda an asshole?

Get over yourself Mike, you ain't all that. It's not like if you dissappeared tomorrow any of your conquests would think about you past next week.

Rather than tell everyone how you're a good guy and good boyfriend despite the fact you act like a player and an asshole, why don't you stop being a player and an asshole, and act like a good guy and a good boyfriend?

Well I don't exactly disagree with Chai - you are a player and an ass in this one area of your life. If I remember right, in other respects there's a lot going for you.

As for the love of your life, I'm guessing that you treat her too nicely. Is it wrong to treat a girl nicely? Not at all, so long as you are doing so from the depth of who you are (rather than for any feelings you have for her - which because she isn't returning the feeling, implies you are only doing so for personal gain) - which means you are also going about creating your life, making it what you want, and achieving what you like and want.

Let me put it to you this way - are you reacting to her, or are you creating reactions in her? If you find you are constantly reacting to 'your feelings of her', then you are still reacting to her. How about creating some reactions in her? Creating some states (of mind/emotions) in her? Creating your own life (which achieves much of the aforementioned), and creating that a better life for others (social proof reinforces anything she feels or can feel for you).

Compassion for humanity from the depths of your soul - turned in her direction, rather than from your feelings of love for her, can be quite enthralling (as can any other traits of spirit - love, light heartedness, warmth etc), and the obvious power of you creating your world the way you want it can be quite intoxicating to women.

After that, coupled with kindness...

By the way - why are you doing this to yourself? Just throwing this thought out there - are you in control of your own life? Can you obtain what you want? Will she make it all better?

And what, by the way, do you want from a relationship? How do you want to be treated? What sort of closeness/intimicacy/friendship/communications do you want? Can she provide it? Is she likely to provide it (given the type of guys she's attracted to) ?

Well, if she's declined your proposals several times over, only thing you've got left to do is MOVE ON. And if you're having trouble moving on, get help from a counselor please.

It's normal to feel hurt and rejected on being turned down (all of us have that happen to us), but you've got to stop being crazy about her. You've to stop flogging a dead horse.

Not being able to move on causes lots of emotional issues for people, and I'm convinced you need help.

Chai pretty much nailed it on the random sex you've been indulging in. Good for the fat chicks - what have they to lose.

This can only be true if you are not being honest with these women. If you are hurting them then stop lying to them, tell them that you are only after sex and fun. If they roll with that and feel hurt or bad about themselves after that is their problem...they need to go find their big girl panties.

OK, it sucks to pine after a woman that you cant have, and nothing anyone can say will stop you from doing it. Only finding someone else will do the job. It seems like this has gone on for too long, that maybe you are not keeping yourself open to finding another decent fish in the sea.

The most important thing is that you put yourself out there to meet women, and that you try to keep your heart open. If you can do that this problem will fix itself.

yeah, and now this girl im seeing is super into me , Like VERY CLEARLY super into me and has strong feelings for me...and she's actually really terrific. She accepts me for who i am, I dont have to try to be something around her and we can be honest with each other about Literally EVERYTHING like 2 days after knowing each other.....Its rediculas what we've shared already.

so ..... she's really loving and caring and Sweet woman, and while i find myself not physically attracted to her She is a terrific friend whom i just so happen to have tons of sex with.... I just dont want to hurt ANYONE,Not her or anyone....

and ive always said to myself id rather have a woman who wasnt a supermodel but was normal and caring and loving (like my current gf) Rather than a girl that Im SUPER attracted to Physically (the love of my life) but who wouldnt work out well in a relationship....

Of course,I wanna find a Crazy balance of the 2 but i dont think that exists......

I'm curious.

Why do you feel you need to mention that the "chicks" you're having sex with are fat?

Would it make any difference if you went out and fucked anorexic chicks, or chicks with thinning hair?

Would it somehow make it all right if you went out and fucked beautiful chicks, or, does it somehow make it all right that the chicks you are ******* are fat (if indeed they are)?

Why don't you say "I go out and **** chicks"

Since the fat seems to bother you, what would happen with your feelings toward this girl you love if she gained a lot of weight?

Or, are you attracted to fat women? That's ok you know, you can say it and no one will be shocked.

I really don't care about your unrequited love quite frankly. I am interested in how/why you are so wrapped up in your perceptions of what makes a person worthy of being respected.

No,your right....and actually the woman im in love with has a few extra pounds too.....Frankly,Every woman ive been with has been "fat".Its not by choice and i wouldnt necessarily say im attracted to them over another body type,its just how it worked out i guess.

but its wrong to classify them as that and your correct in saying that it sorta is demeaning........honestly,Thank you for bringing up this point chai2.I appreciate it

Do you want someone you can be happy with, or someone who makes you feel on top of the world? The two aren't necessarily one and the same.

Personally, you need to find (as a base) someone you can be happy with, and then within that group look for someone who...

Returning to the crux of the issue here: Mike, how are you dealing with your feelings for the girl who you were previously in love with?

Are you making any progress with getting over her? Well, obviously you'll always be fond of her in a way, but you don't want to be thinking about her when you're making love with your next partner. So you've to get over her.

You're welcome.

Maybe you do prefer larger women. Round and curvy, womanly.

yeah, being with my current gf Really helps, And avoiding common areas where i used to always see my "love of my life" Helps too. Ive only known my Gf Not even a week Now but not only have we slept together but I sleep there almost nightly with her and she's just so Sweet....

Its hard to describe but she's just a very passionate,Caring and REAL Person that i feel so comfortable with. Always when were laying togehter she's just lightly touching my arm or whatever or kissing my back, Just really sweet little things like that that make me go "wow,shes really great". I'll probally sleep there again tonight right after work.

Good luck Mr. Hunt (I have no idea why I've been calling you Mike all the while - my apologies if that's not your name!). You seem to be making progress.

Have fun!

Hey no worries,Call me whatever you want,Its all just an online alias anyways.

yeah,We were laying in bed last night and she's like "so hey,whats your last name?" Made me lol,cause were sleeping together ever night now and had sex on the first date but still barely know much about each other....

Im starting to wonder if this is something thats Real and good and Special,Or if were 2 people who have been alone for so long and desperate that were just sorta latching onto each other. I dont think so though,i dont feel like im latching onto her,i just feel like were moving really fast,but its not scary,its actually kinda nice in a way

oh spidergal, I'll explain why in a PM.

Fat chicks and fat heads go well together in bed; N'est Pas???