13
   

Im 13 he is 20 What do I do?

 
 
shewolfnm
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 09:09 am
there is something seriously wrong with a dude who is 20 trying to date a 13 year old.
if he cant get girls his own age, there is a big problem


guys like that will have sex with you, then leave you. Thats all he wants. he aint worth it.
Thomas
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 09:23 am
@shewolfnm,
Mickeyy 214:

Unlike most respondents here (all except spidergal), I have no inherent problem with the age difference. Nor do I have a problem with him getting turned on by the idea of taking a girl's virginity. But even so, I definitely have a problem with the way he emotionally blackmails you by telling you "you're lame" for not wanting to sleep with him. I also have a problem when your other friend---who I imagine is female and your age---repeats this "you're lame" nonsense.

You can sleep with whomever you want---or not---no matter what his or her age is. But you're not lame for not sleeping with whomever you don't want to sleep with, and you're certainly not lame for standing your ground about it. On the contrary, it takes guts to do that. Anyway, sex is about what you want. It isn't about what this guy, or your friend, or us for that matter, want from you. Your body, your choice.
Jigajig 5
 
  3  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 09:36 am
One stay away from him
Two Tell your parents police ANYONE you can about him.

This guy is a pedo and a pervert and should not be approched. Evil or Very Mad << That is what he is. Stay away from him I cannot stress this enough I'm afraid. Being 17 so close to his age I can tell you that this is wrong and he should be arrested. Christ he could even be a rapist or a muderer. People have done this before. Lure younger people in and then Bam you've either been killed or raped. It's scary but true. Sorry if this unerves you but it's the truth. AGAIN STAY AWAY FROM HIM AND REPORT HIM!
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 09:58 am
@Thomas,
Do you have children Thomas?
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 10:05 am
@Finn dAbuzz,
No. Is that relevant?
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:00 am
@Thomas,
Here it is relevant Thomas, as it is against the law in this country that a
13 year old can engage into sexual activity, and a 20 year old trying to encourage a 13 year old child to have sex with an adult. This is illegal activity, regardless if the 13 year old child consents or not.
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:00 am
@Thomas,
Yes, because I assume both Finn and I would never imagine a parent giving that advice to his 13 year old daughter. It sounds like: "Go ahead and be friends with Mr. Pedophilia, just don't let him get into your pants."
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:34 am
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:

Here it is relevant Thomas, as it is against the law in this country that a
13 year old can engage into sexual activity, and a 20 year old trying to encourage a 13 year old child to have sex with an adult. This is illegal activity, regardless if the 13 year old child consents or not.

1) I didn't offer a legal opinion. I offered an opinion about the human relationships and conflicts Mickeyy 214 had described.

2) Even assuming that I had offered an opinion on the legal side of the case, I don't see how being a parent would have been relevant to it. If Finn had asked if I'm a lawyer, fine. Lawyers are more qualified than laymen to offer opinions about the law. But I don't see why a parent's legal opinion should count as more competent than a nonparent's legal opinion.
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:37 am
@Green Witch,
Green Witch wrote:
Yes, because I assume both Finn and I would never imagine a parent giving that advice to his 13 year old daughter. It sounds like: "Go ahead and be friends with Mr. Pedophilia, just don't let him get into your pants."

Mickeyy 214 hadn't asked for a parent's advice. She had asked for anyone's advice. If Robert and Jespah gave A2K parents the exclusive right to advise teenagers on their site, I'm not aware of it.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:40 am
@Thomas,
Quote:
You can sleep with whomever you want---or not---no matter what his or her age is.


That's what you said, Thomas! You said this to a 13 year old girl.
This is just plain wrong, in addition to illegal advice. Had you been a parent,
it never would enter your mind to say such a thing, but I agree, it is not
relevant in general to be a parent to agree or disagree here - as I can read from Green Witch's post. She's not a parent either and has much more insight when it comes to 13 year old children.

Region Philbis
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:42 am
@Thomas,

i'm not a parent either, but i think the point being made is that if you were the parent of this 13-year old girl, you would at the very least certainly not want her to go anywhere near this guy...
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:50 am
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:

Quote:
You can sleep with whomever you want---or not---no matter what his or her age is.


That's what you said, Thomas!

And that's my opinion about the relationships and conflicts involved. Don't like it? Not my problem.

Calamity Jane wrote:
This is just plain wrong, in addition to illegal advice.

No, actually, it's not. If Mickeyy 214 was to sleep with that 20-year-old, he may be guilty of statutory rape, depending on the state or the country in which the two live. But she wouldn't be breaking any law at all.

Calamity Jane wrote:
Had you been a parent, it never would enter your mind to say such a thing

So what? Mickeyy 214 didn't ask, "if you were my mom, what would you suggest that I do?" She didn't say anything to suggest that she was looking for advice from parents or parent-like figures. So what's wrong with saying things that would never enter the mind of a parent?
Thomas
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 11:53 am
@Region Philbis,
Region Philbis wrote:
i'm not a parent either,

... more evidence that, even if I should be wrong, I wouldn't be wrong for not being a parent---which is what Finn's question seemed to suggest.

Region Philbis wrote:
but i think the point being made is that if you were the parent of this 13-year old girl, you would at the very least certainly not want her to go anywhere near this guy...

Point taken.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 01:11 pm
@Thomas,
It's not a matter of "you're not my mom, what would YOU suggest", it's
a matter of having a common consent here. You are the only one out of all these posts who advocate that it's perfectly acceptable for a 13 year old girl to have sexual relations - common sense should prevail, sorry to say!
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 01:18 pm
Thomas, while I too dislike it when someone throws the "are you a parent?" card in the ring, I feel the way you presented your advice to Mickey was not thoughtful, as far as relating it to a typical 13 year old.

Please don't ask me if I'm sure Mickey is a typical 13 year old, and argue she might be much more mature than that. She also might be much less mature than a typical 13 year old, or just as mature as a typical 13 year old.

What many people, not just 13 year old or not would hear is "you can sleep with whoever you want" and turn a deaf ear to everything said before and after.

If she as a normal anatomy, yes she can sleep with whoever she wants. She can also stick her hand on a burning hot stove if she wants, or run pell mell into 5 o'clock traffic on a busy interstate highway.

I'm don't think a T-13yo would appreciate the point you may be trying to make when you say "you can sleep with whoever you want"

No I'm not a parent, but even I can see a 13 year old girl, in this culture, should not be having sex with a 20 year old man, or anyone for that matter.
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 01:27 pm
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:
it's a matter of having a common consent here.

Maybe to you it is. To me, there's no point in pretending there's consent when there are dissenting opinions---or even just one dissenting opinion.

But it's irrelevant what the matter is to you or to me. The only relevant question is what the matter is to Mickey. She has clearly stated what she wants: be friends with the guy but not have sex with him. She has clearly stated what she wants from us: she wants to know what we think she should do about it. I'm sure she will read our responses and take whatever advice makes the most sense to her. There's no need for ten people to give the same advice.

Calamity Jane wrote:
You are the only one out of all these posts who advocate that it's perfectly acceptable for a 13 year old girl to have sexual relations - common sense should prevail, sorry to say!

What prevails or not is Mickey's decision alone. It isn't yours, or mine, or anyone else's. Also, common sense and majority opinions are not necessarily the same.
0 Replies
 
Thomas
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 01:40 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:
What many people, not just 13 year old or not would hear is "you can sleep with whoever you want" and turn a deaf ear to everything said before and after.

That's very plausible. Certainly it's all that Calamity Jane, Green Witch, and you are hearing.

My main point, as it happens, wasn't that Mickey could sleep with whomever she wants. It was that she could decline to sleep with whomever she didn't want to. That it was courageous of her, not lame, to stand her ground on this against both her wannabe knight and the friend she talked to. So if this thread is becoming about nothing else but my introductory point, that's because the three of you refuse to hear anything else.

Perhaps Mickey can appreciate nuanced responses; perhaps she can't. But through your responses, Calamity Jane, Green Witch, and you have proven that you can't. And you're supposedly the grown-ups here.
0 Replies
 
NAACP
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 01:50 pm
Why the flyin hell would you wanna be friends with someone who creeps you out?
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 02:21 pm
@Thomas,
No Thomas, I understand your nuanced response, because I am an adult, and consider the various meanings.

You directly said this...

Thomas wrote:

Mickeyy 214:

You can sleep with whomever you want---or not---no matter what his or her age is.


to a 13 year old, who more than likely does not have the skill set yet to read all of what you said, and the subtleties (sp)

I feel when dealing with someone this young, once cannot assume they are sophisticated in the ways of subtle communication.
NAACP
 
  0  
Reply Tue 16 Nov, 2010 02:25 pm
@chai2,
Then she shouldn't be here, or at least she shouldn't expect aswers....
0 Replies
 
 

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