The wife allowed my 16 year old daughter to get a third ear-piercing

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My whole family knows that I wanted my daughter to reach adulthood before she got her ears pierced. That didn't work out. When she was about 13 I allowed her, under pressure from everyone, to get her ears pierced. She told me that night at the mall that she wanted her left ear pierced at the top and I told her no, that I did not want her to get any more piercings until she was an adult.

My reasoning is that life will provide many opportunities for a Pediatric Oncologist (her planned field of study and she has the grades to back it up) and there is no telling the people she will eventually be around and how people in, literally, upper society, will feel about, for example, a girl with piercings marrying their son. I realize this sounds uppity and pretentious, but the fact remains, people form opinions, whisper behind backs and mothers are picky about who their sons marry. I do not think less of someone with piercings, but I do find it refreshingly unique to meet a woman without any. I feel strongly that a significant number of other men, especially men who are accustomed to the best, will feel the same way, not to mention their respective families.

Well, tonight my wife took my daughter to the mall to get a prom dress after the one we ordered online failed to measure up, and my little girl got her mom to okay her to get that third piercing. When they got home they showed it to me and I quite calmly stated that I wish they would have consulted me first so that I'd have the opportunity to talk her out of it, not stop her, but just to talk her out of it.

Now I am branded an unrealistic prude who thinks his daughter is impure as a result of the third piercing. I said that I had hoped, before this piercing stuff started, that I could have presented a pristinely in-tact woman into adulthood. They all took it as if I were saying she was dirty now. I tried to explain what I have said here, but no one is getting it.

I love my baby girl more than life itself, and this changes nothing in that regard, just makes me sad that they don't understand my perspective on this subject.

Question: Am I being unreasonable, unrealistic or would it be awesome to present a woman with no piercings to the adult world?

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@billz5557,

Quote:

Question: Am I being unreasonable, unrealistic or would it be awesome to present a woman with no piercings to the adult world?

Yes, you are being unreasonable and unrealistic. You don't own your daughter or her ears.

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@billz5557,

100% and totally unrealistic. I also find the desire for your daughter to maintain some sort of pristine image, so she won't be judged by some sort of 'high-society' mother, rather ridiculous. And shallow.

Cycloptichorn

1 Reply

Just as a little bit of devil's advocate...

I think there may be something to be said about not over piercing or tattooing because it may broaden one's appeal in job interview situations.

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@Cycloptichorn,

So far, no one understands. It's not about owning or impressing. it's about maintaining the gift God gave her without trying to improve it using an adolescent mind being guided by friends who will never amount to anything. lmao, but seriously. If she didn't get her ears pierced, would you think she was somehow less a person because she didn't conform to what "you" consider the norm?

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@billz5557,

Keep in mind that your daughter is 16 years old and she hasn't even started college, let alone medical school. She has plenty of time to grew up and possibly grow out of this earring phase. She has plenty of time to change her mind regarding her future and career. She also has plenty of time to absorb your possible overbearing parenting if you insist on trying to pave your daughter's life with a superhighway into some kind class based arranged marriage and turn into a lifetime of resentment against you.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

I suppose I could leave her to be guided by her friends. Really good point. lol

She has wanted to be a doctor since she was old enough to understand what a doctor is. She is in all advanced classes making straight-a's. She is definitely on her own path to becoming a doctor and if that changes I'll be more shocked than anyone.

1 Reply

I feel sorry for your daughter because she has been convinced by you that she should become a pediatric oncologist.

Parents who decide on their children's future courses of study and professions end up with unhappy children who grow into unhappy adults. The adult children then face whether to pursue their dreams or continue in the profession their parents assigned them.

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@billz5557,

Quote:

I suppose I could leave her to be guided by her friends. Really good point. lol

Where in my statement can you draw that conclusion from?

That's really poor use of logic. To make that assumption that allowing someone to wear earrings must mean he or she must be completely left unparented thereafter?

Well, you could throw her into the cellar and lock her away until you ship her off to college. Sounds like that's what you secretly desire to do so anyway. Not failing to mention that it's probably illegal.

There is no law forbidding her to stop wearing her earrings when she gets over whatever reason she finds them appealing: shock value, aesthetic value, or miscellaneous. If you teach her some sense, she inevitably learn to remove the excess jewelry and if you parent her with respect, she will learn this in time for her far in the future job interviews.

I'm assuming you already planned for her 3 children to raise, what kind of car she will drive when she turns 40. How she will dress for her 20th high school reunion. Or will you let her make any of her life decisions?

Let her decide the small stuff. Being a parent is helping her with emotional support. Giving her advice but not dictating every decision for her. Letting her trip and pick up herself when she occasionally falls. Help her avoid peer pressure of drugs and alcohol at an early age. And no... earrings are not a fashion or cultural gateway to crack cocaine and prostitution which you seemingly imply she will now be fated since she just her third set of piercings.

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I think you're making too big a thing out of the ear piercing. It's a common fashion choice among her age group these days. When it comes to interviews or jobs, she can choose to wear something in that piercing or not, depending on the dress code that is required. And if she ever changes her mind about the piercing or it becomes a liability, she can always let it grow back.

She sounds like a great girl, and you have every reason to be proud of her. I'd give her a little space.

1 Reply

The third piercing isn't so bad. She doesn't have to wear the earring everywhere. And at least she can camouflage if necessary. My heart goes out to the parents of children who thoughtlessly get tattoos in awkward places (wrists, neck, calves, etc.) with no consideration for the future or how to hide them if it becomes necessary. My friend is still raging at her daughter, a sophomore at Syracuse, who came home this past summer with a really ugly tattoo around her wrist. It looks like a big prison chain. Mom feels like she's wasting her money paying for this girls' education, thinking of the job opportunities that's already threatened or blown completely. She's really pissed.

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@tsarstepan,

You have no idea what I'm talking about. Don't feel bad as they don't get it either so it has to be my inability to explain it clearly. That or women without piercings are so few and far between these days that it's simply unheard of? Gee, could that be what I was hoping for?

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@eoe,

My thoughts exactly, and I realize the piercing is nothing, but it is something to me. I just wanted her to wait until she was an adult. I wanted her to leave my care with everything in pristine and perfect order. That's all.

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@Eva,

"It's a common fashion choice"

^^^^^ COMMON ^^^^^^ is the key word. There is the problem I have with it. It's COMMON. I'm not common and I didn't raise her to be common.

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@plainoldme,

Quote:

I feel sorry for your daughter because she has been convinced by you that she should become a pediatric oncologist.

Parents who decide on their children's future courses of study and professions end up with unhappy children who grow into unhappy adults. The adult children then face whether to pursue their dreams or continue in the profession their parents assigned them.

I disagree with Billz opinion of his daughter's piercings ( she can let them grow over if she wants to when she's older anyway) but I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that he's pushing her to be a doctor - there was no suggestion of that in his post. My teenage daughter decided she wants to be a surgeon all by herself. She will definitely have to work extremely hard to get the marks but I hope she does because that's all she wants to do. It has nothing to do with me - I'll be happy if she does something that she finds fulfilling and does her very best at it. The ambition is all her own and Billz has suggested that the same is true for his daughter.

1 Reply

@billz5557,

If it is any comfort to you, Queen Elizabeth has pierced ears. In fact, she had her ears pierced in order to wear a very large pair of diamond earrings she received from her parents as a wedding gift.

Quote:

The King George VI Chandelier Earrings

These earrings are long chandelier earrings consisting of every cut of diamond. The earrings end in three large drops displaying every known modern cut of diamond. They were a wedding present in 1947 to Princess Elizabeth from her father and mother, the King and Queen. Elizabeth was not able to wear them until she had her ears pierced. When it was noticed that she had had her ears pierced doctors and jewellers found themselves inundated with women anxious to have their ears pierced too.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Personal_Jewel_Collection_of_Elizabeth_II

Probably most women who wear very expensive earrings, particularly diamond earrings, do have their ears pierced because there is less danger of losing the earrings. So, I think your daughter will fit nicely into the "upper society" you obviously hope she will marry into.

I think you have a somewhat irrational bias about ear piercings--even that third one. What do such piercings represent to you?

Do you honestly feel someone, some day, wouldn't want her son to marry your daughter because of the piercings in her ears? Would you even wish such a mother-in-law-from-hell on your daughter? Laughing

They are your daughter's ears and a third piercing is hardly outrageous. And, some day, if she tires of wearing a third earring, that hole will just close up. Til then, let her enjoy her own sense of style. She is becoming an adult and she'll likely make many decisions which might not be in accord with your own views. You had better brace yourself for the fact that she is not your "baby girl" any more.

Quote:

would it be awesome to present a woman with no piercings to the adult world?

No, that's not awesome. It's almost a silly thing to want. It's much more important that you have an intelligent daughter, who is happy, and who you love very much. She is exactly the same person with and without those piercings. Just remember that.

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@billz5557,

a third ear piercing

i can hear the shrieking

was it the wild frontier?

it'll give the patients something to look at

concentrate on academic assistance and leave lifestyle to the girls

and stress she should only get a tatt on her ass

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@billz5557,

billz5557 wrote:

"It's a common fashion choice"

^^^^^ COMMON ^^^^^^ is the key word. There is the problem I have with it. It's COMMON. I'm not common and I didn't raise her to be common.

Sorry. Obviously I hit a hot button there. Not what I intended. Please don't overreact.

These days, a third ear piercing does not brand someone as "common," as you put it. I think your opinion is a bit outdated.

Just in case you are wondering, I am a 56 year old professional. I spent almost 30 years working in highly visible public relations positions before I began teaching journalism a few years ago. I have a 16 year old son who attends a private school. When I was in the public eye, I worked with a number of respected women colleagues and clients who had multiple ear piercings. It was considered stylish by many...not at all in the same category as lip or eyebrow piercings, which were considered too "young & rebellious" for corporate acceptance.

Again, I would recommend that you give your daughter a little space. She is doing very well in her studies and future plans. I don't believe this will jeopardize any of her ambitions.

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@billz5557,

billz5557 wrote:

"It's a common fashion choice"

^^^^^ COMMON ^^^^^^ is the key word. There is the problem I have with it. It's COMMON. I'm not common and I didn't raise her to be common.

You certainly aren't common, I agree. If you were common you'd have some
common sense and THAT you certainly don't have. First of all, she's not
your "baby girl" any longer, she hasn't been for 15 years - she's a 16 year old young lady and whatever you have in store for her (in your mind) might not be her wishes, nor your wife's for that matter.

Don't make an even bigger fool out of yourself than you already are and
be happy that your daughter is a good student and (hopefully) won't get
a tattoo once she's 18......and yes, I have a 15 year old daughter and know
what I am talking about.

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@billz5557,

Quote:

If she didn't get her ears pierced, would you think she was somehow less a person because she didn't conform to what "you" consider the norm?

No, but that's probably because I don't consider people's physical appearance to be all that important. I don't consider a third ear piercing to be the 'norm' at all, but who gives a ****? She's going to do whatever she wants to do, and as long as she's not breaking the law or blowing her grades at school, you oughta give it a rest, because repressive ****, man - it's gonna backfire on you later.

Cycloptichorn

0 Replies

The wife allowed my 16 year old daughter to get a third ear-piercing

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