Is cheater always wrong?

Our usual behaviour is to move from stressful conditions to pleasurable conditions. When we invest in a temporary bliss (like pulling a quick affair over the eyes of emotionally jaded spouse) that will lead to accumulatively stressful situations in the future (like upholding a story and hiding a lie).

I think cheating is a terrible breach of confidence and it usually plays badly against someone's character, but at the same rate, I completely agree that cheating is the result of a failure to connect and a failure of trust. It is on some level both parties faults.

cheating is weak, it's the lazy alternative, even if the problem is on both sides, work it out or walk away and find someone else

Cheating is losing focus on the one you have a commitment to.

HOWEVER, if there are circumstance, i.e. one spouse in a nursing home with Alzeimer's, then "cheating" is understandable.

What is divorce then?

I would like to hear he argument that divorce is preferable to infidelity. Somehow divorce is now considered acceptable by almost everyone.

Yes.

And what's wrong with divorce?

You divorce lots of things in your life (jobs, friends, neighbourhoods, habits), so what's so special about divorcing your spouse?

Nobody finishes things anymore. Has anyone else noticed this? People start things all the time with great excitement and energy i.e. movies, meals, projects and yes, relationships. Many (if not most) of us usually come up lacking when it comes time to finish something. Movies get started and we walk away to do something quickly and never get back.We eat while writing a report and half the food gets cold and then gets tossed. We start a project, get bored, star another and so on until we have a dozen half finished half started projects that we don't know what to do with. We get involved in a relationship based on how the other person makes us feel and gradually get bored.

To answer the question posted, YES the cheater is always guilty. This does not mean the other party is always innocent.

If your relationship has gotten to a point that you are tempted to jump in the sack with someone else, then you need to finish it. There is nothing saying you can't break up with your boyfriend in the morning and be in bed with someone else that afternoon. If you have these impulses but are still un-convinced that leaving your current relationship is what you want, then take yourself home and sit down with your significant other and tell them "Hey, I have realized that my feelings about us are confused, and lately I have been very attracted to others outside our relationship." This conversation will NOT be easy, but it will give you closure to move on or make you realize that your curent status is not something you want to let go and then BOTH f you can decide on what to do next.

The important thing here it to finish what you have started. Be the adult you are supposed to be and don't sneak around with it.

You have got a very good view!

I can't believe you can say just a flat out yes! What about the circumstances? I've been with my hubby for 21 yrs. He's beaten me so badly that he knocked most of my teeth out. He's cheated on me numeroustimes. I hhaven't cheated on him ever. Until now. I've been in a relationship with a friend of his for the past 2 yrs. He saw how badly my husband treats me and he was talking to me about it when he told me he was in love with me and had been for years. I'm leaving my husband soon, to live with this man. Am I wrong for realizing that I deserve better?