19
   

24-7 talking

 
 
littlek
 
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 02:53 pm
Is it just me, or do some people seem to talk, non-stop for hours? I know someone (a family member) who does this. It's constant, it's loud, it's not info the kids need, it isn't questions to which she needs the answer. When the kids are with their dad, she does this with her dog and yells commentary towards hubby and kids. When I hang out with her for any time I feel exhausted and frustrated - even stressed out.

Does this aggravate anyone else, or is it just me?

Why do people do this? Are they trying to engage others in conversation?

How do I deal with this?
 
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:05 pm
@littlek,
My wifes sister just never shuts up. I have to be nice for the requisite amount of time, then I usually leave her presence and mosey into a different room.

She actually gives me the creeps.
rosborne979
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:05 pm
@littlek,
I had an ex-girlfriend who used to do that. It drove me nuts. If she wasn't so hot I wouldn't even have tried to get past the first date. In hindsight I wish I had listened to my brain on that one right from the beginning.
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:11 pm
@littlek,
There's an old saying that some people are in love with the sound of their voice. Could that be her problem?

BBB
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:17 pm
I think she doesn't like being by herself and that's why she fills up her head with talk. Can you tell her your ears are full? Can you tune her out? Can you ignore her?

Other than that, just really really limit the time you're with her, but I'm sure you already do that - that's the first line of defense! Could you tell her? Talk to her about it?
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:26 pm
I thought that only curious little children are like that. My ten year old daughter talks constantly on any and every subject. She gives her opinion on subjects that she does not know anything about. When I am outside with her, she comments on total strangers that may be passing by. It is cute right now, but I hope she outgrows it.
talk72000
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:29 pm
@littlek,
I think it is a sign of depression and being ignored. My grandmother before she died did the same. Whenever, I visited her she talked incessantly. She was depressed as my uncle whom she lived with ignored her.
0 Replies
 
joefromchicago
 
  5  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:35 pm
@wandeljw,
wandeljw wrote:
My ten year old daughter talks constantly on any and every subject. She gives her opinion on subjects that she does not know anything about.

What name does she use when she posts on A2K politics threads?
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:38 pm
@littlek,
ooooh.... that annoys me quickly and irreconcilably. Remember Emanuel? Yech. A good guy, smart even, funny. and lord knows i liked his looks... but man, he never shut up. And if he saw I was nervous or irritated (because he talked too much), he'd talk more... whew. he totally understood though that we're just a mismatch and we're still good friends.
he had depression issues, too, there might be something to that theory.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:40 pm
I've always thought that people who do that don't have some kind of brain monitor to observe how their behavior affects others, or even to observe themselves "hogging the air space". This could be wrong though. Maybe they just can't stop.

In a way I agree with talk72000; could be that they are lonely and want to be heard.
0 Replies
 
talk72000
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:48 pm
@dagmaraka,
I realized depression brings about many activities as I grew older. I could not understand her at the time. Eating, shopping, gambling, drinking, drugs, electronic games can be addictive to those depressed. I was addicted to electronic football games for a while as I was somewhat depressed but I managed to get out of it.
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  7  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 03:55 pm
@joefromchicago,
joefromchicago wrote:

wandeljw wrote:
My ten year old daughter talks constantly on any and every subject. She gives her opinion on subjects that she does not know anything about.

What name does she use when she posts on A2K politics threads?


She goes by the username, "spendius."
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 04:12 pm
I have a different take on talking. There's a regional aspect to it. In my neck of the woods, silence with someone, especially someone you don't know well, is a cause for social discomfort. I remember when I was in school, my best friend and I were very proud of the fact that we were so comfortable with each other that we didn't have to talk.

To avoid this social discomfort, I can talk and talk and talk. I try to make it a conversation.

I read about this regional idiosycracy in New York Magazine about a week or two after I spent 11 hours in a car with my boss. There was not a moment of silence. I went to see her to tell her about this regional need to keep talking. I apologized. She laughed.

PS: I've tried being quiet. It makes me very uncomfortable. People who meet me--beware.
Thomas
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 05:15 pm
@littlek,
littlek wrote:
Why do people do this? Are they trying to engage others in conversation?

I have known people like that, but not enough to support any general theories about them. My impression from the few who did know is that they were just flushing out their thoughts, and didn't really care whom they flushed them out to. For the particular people I have in mind, then, the answer to your question is "no". Far from engaging others in their conversations, they were essentially talking to themselves, or thinking aloud.

littlek wrote:
How do I deal with this?

In the short run, I make a sincere-looking face, nod a lot, and interject the occasional "oh, really?", "you're kidding, right?", "yeah, tell me about it", or "I totally agree with you". No need to listen to what they actually say---with some practice, you can tell from the inflection of their voice which interjection is expected. So much for the short run. In the long run---meaning if it goes on for longer than I care to put up with---I pretend I have somewhere else to be, and discretely excuse myself.

littlek wrote:
Does this aggravate anyone else, or is it just me?

It does get on my nerves as well, but I can see how this would be especially aggravating for you. When you're hard of hearing, you need to make an effort to listen to people. And when this effort proves not worth it, time and time again, it must be wearing you down.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 05:25 pm
I think it's stress. Some kind of avoidance-reaction.

Some people cannot stand the sound of silence. It scares them to death. Perhaps its because if they fill the air with their own voice, then no one can ask them a real question.
joefromchicago
 
  2  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 05:41 pm
@wandeljw,
wandeljw wrote:
She goes by the username, "spendius."

That explains a lot.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 05:50 pm
@Roberta,
I've met you! What I remember is that at the first dinner, I was talking and listening so much (there were four of us plus someone's son) that I didn't manage to actually eat my dinner.
Second time, with you and Diane, was probably also non stop talking.. I remember both occasions, though, as conversations, not one person going on and on.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 05:54 pm
@PUNKEY,
Interesting, the stress concept.

So was Thomas's flushing their own mind concept.

I'm still interested in my own take of 'no brain monitor', sort of like when I was a kid we had "hall monitors" in our grammar school.
0 Replies
 
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 06:18 pm
Wow, lots of responses! I know this person really well. Depression is definitely a factor as is stress/anxiety and often lack of sleep. She does seem to dislike being by herself (as soon as she is she calls someone on the cell). Mostly I feel like she is looking for a response or for help with the kids. It seems to be more pronounced when her husband is around. She's not actually talking TO me, or anyone else except for her kids/dog. I offer to watch her kids so she can go running or take her with me to the store sans kids. She needs a break. But, mostly she turns me down. When the conversation is a dialog, it's almost never about anything but her own life. Granted I understand that life is egocentric when you have two little ones, but.....

Roberta, I tend to like to listen more than talk. So, when I meet new people I love it when they talk a lot. Especially someone like who who would no doubt be saying interesting things. This thing is just verbal diarrhea (mom's term) sometimes.

I have, as Thomas says, poor hearing. Usually this is wonderful because I can tune noise out. But, she is also loud!

If ONLY she was talking politics! That might at least be more interesting.

I try to disengage myself. Take my self out of the equation. I go for long walks alone. I go to the store. I go to another room...... it helps some, but if return to the same, I negate any positive benefit I had gained doing so.
talk72000
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Aug, 2010 06:21 pm
@littlek,
There is the other factor of being 24 hours in the presence of someone. The little irritations get magnified. She needs to go to her mother for a while. She needs the break.
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » 24-7 talking
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 06/12/2021 at 11:16:01