When Fluff Products Actually Work

Forums: Humor, Better Living, T M I, Too Much Information, Tmi Means Too Much Info Genius
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I'm a fairly basic Bear. I don't own an electric can opener, If it's something like cold cereal or canned green beans I buy the generic, my truck doesn't have 12 cd changers, automatic windows or even keyless entry.

One of the silliest products I've seen lately are the Cottonelle (or other brand) moist aloe towelettes you mount over the toilet paper roll and use after you're finished with the toilet paper.

However, I arrived home the other day to find a box of them in my grocery bag, I guess the check out girl put them in by accident. I was going to return them but on an impulse I opened them up.

Next time I used the toilet I tried one and the skies opened up, a heavenly chorus began to sing, and my sphincter was so overjoyed it actually puckered and blew a kiss. It was like that very first line of good cocaine, or the first time a beautiful womans' nipple swelled between your lips. I'll never forget it, and I'll never be without this wonderful invention again.

It's enough to make me want to order a Slap Chop to see how that works out.

I haven't been on A2K much lately but as a service, I plan to make time to inform my friends and the community at large of these better living anecdotal tips. Don't thank me, your happiness is all the reward I require.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 11 • Views: 3,632 • Replies: 35

Buy yourself a bottle of witch hazel, and squirt some on the finishing up piece of TP.

does the same thing.

tones, cleanses and refreshes.

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sure. I'll also get some Ben Gay for when I get heat rash.

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@blueveinedthrobber,

Will it stop my doggies pooping on my carpets?

BBB

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@blueveinedthrobber,

No, I'm totally serious.

ahem.....I have, in the past, been prone to hemarrhoids. Not once since I started this regime have I had any problems.

Finishing up with witch hazel is cooling and cleansing.

Seriously, give it a try.

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I always wanted to have a blues band and call it Miles Of Piles, appropo to nothing.

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@blueveinedthrobber,

Quote:

my sphincter was so overjoyed it actually puckered and blew a kiss.

Does that make you an ass-kisser?

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I'm also a smart ass. I can sit in a bowl of ice cream blindfolded and tell you what flavor it is

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@blueveinedthrobber,

blueveinedthrobber wrote:

I'm also a smart ass. I can sit in a bowl of ice cream blindfolded and tell you what flavor it is

mmm.....this is.......chunky monkey.....

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Bear is the Martha Stewart of sphincter hygiene!!!

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my ass goes with any decor....

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What if any impact do you think this product has on warts? There might be someone out there with warts who could benefit from stumbling across this thread. You know, I try not to think of myself exclusively when participating in more constructive threads like this one.

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@Gargamel,

Oh,baby! (Wandel and Blueveined - LOL)
Now this was truly funny but it does shed (sorry) some light on a much-hidden topic.

There are those of us some of whom have reflux who have also another side-effect of needing additional hygiene. Looking up anal itch because I avoided bringing it up to MD attention. There can be a problem where dietary issues can cause anal itch. I had to search Google AND Wikipedia to figure out that my dietary issues and reflux problems and usage of coffee and tomato consumption might be causing anal tissues to get irritated. I thought that it was hemorrhoids issue, but it's not.

So I will use witch hazel and see if it gets things less itchy. Thanks for a possible solution. Of course, cutting down on coffee and other irritants (spicy foods) might help, too.

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@chai2,

I also hear that those of us who are prone to hemorrhoids and other rectal tissue issues, need to drink more water...equiv. to 6-8 glasses per day.

Also, there are those toilet tissues that have allergy-producing dyes and perfumes which can cause tissue issues. Getting toilet tissue that have no dyes or perfumes is indicated.

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@Gargamel,

warts are a skin virus. not sure of the relationship. but in order to cut down on irritation to the wart, using witch hazel and some of the other methods mentioned is bound to help. Wart removal by medical people typically is removal often times using a local freeze solution of liquid nitrogen.

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@Ragman,

Ragman wrote:

I also hear that those of us who are prone to hemorrhoids and other rectal tissue issues, need to drink more water...equiv. to 6-8 glasses per day.

Also, there are those toilet tissues that have allergy-producing dyes and perfumes which can cause tissue issues. Getting toilet tissue that have no dyes or perfumes is indicated.

goat yogurt.

I'm starting to think goat yogurt cures everything.

Eaten that is, not sat in.

However, ahem, since we're on the subject.......yeast infections.....

I'm not prone to them, didn't even know what one was.
Until I went to college in hot steamy south florida.

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME DOWN THERE!!!!

It happened on a Saturday, no doctors open.
My roommate gave me a container on dannon yogurt and told me what to do.

It was a mess, but it kept me from ripping my genitals off until I could get to the doctor on Monday.

Anyway, I'd developed acid reflux, and have found myself taking an OTC med every day.

That is, until I started eating goat yogurt.
I can't drink cow products. I'll say no more.

roland loves the goat yogurt too. I'll bet it's good for his kitty tummy. otis won't touch it.

I actually made goat yogurt this weekend. It's so freaking hot here I just put it out on the front porch all day. It's pretty runny. I'll try some when I get home.

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@chai2,

Ah, yes, that good old candida controversy. Without debating whether or not it's real, my approach is to eliminate any food allergy possibility. Am I right to assume I cannot buy goat yogurt anywhere in Sarasota FL? Is Whole Foods not carrying it? I got to make yogurt and that means locating goat milk?

Many of my vegan friends call any dairy product form cows, as 'cow pus'. so that means the goat has to be organic goat. Um-mm, correct me if I'm wrong but over years of observing, I see many goats eat anything and everything in sight. As such, they must be regarded as a potentially polluted source. Or am I carrying that too far?

also, some nutritionists regard humans as not requiring any dairy after formative years ..even elimination after age 12. Is your view of this use of dairy is to help eliminate a problem wi8th temporary use of yogurt to fix this sensitivity?.

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@Ragman,

I remember active culture yogurt being advised in circumstances like traveller's distress (montezuma's revenge). That was a long time ago, I don't know what is advised now.

Candida scares me. I've never had it as an infection, but had a friend who had trouble with it. I remember being glad I wasn't her, but it seems to be controllable for most. But the most scary thing is systemic candidiasis. My boss once had a patient with it, an effect, if I remember, of a troubled immune system. It was hard to even hear about, much less experience.

Oh, wait, this is a humor thread.. back to fluff products.

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Speaking of fluff products, I've never understood a need for fabric softener...
but I feel fairly alone on that.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

ossobuco wrote:

Speaking of fluff products, I've never understood a need for fabric softener...
but I feel fairly alone on that.

I've never purchased any so you're not alone.

3 Replies

When Fluff Products Actually Work

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