9
   

I hate my MIL

 
 
Falling
 
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 12:24 am
My future MIL told me that my wedding is about her. She wants us to do certain things, just she looks good. My fiancé once told me that his dad's family didn't like her. They think his dad could do better. She is trying to use my wedding to prove to those family members that she has raised a good family. She is trying to run the wedding, from what the invitation says to who to invite, to how much we can drink on our wedding night. When we first startedvto plan the wedding, she wanted to be a part of everythimg. I hate her trying to run my life. I sm not her daughter...and will never be.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 9 • Views: 4,065 • Replies: 41

 
Intrepid
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 03:25 am
@Falling,
Who is paying for the wedding?
wayne
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 03:34 am
@Intrepid,
Intrepid wrote:

Who is paying for the wedding?


That really should have no bearing on the issue.
The wedding ceremony is a special moment concerning 2 people, the Bride and the Groom, other than supporting players everyone else is an observer, nothing more.
The solution here is simple, but may be a case of the cure being worse than the malady. Tell MIL to butt out!!!! You'll have to use your own judgement on whether the cure is worse or not.
Intrepid
 
  2  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 03:40 am
@wayne,
Whether you think it has no bearing or not is of no consequence. Are you denying me the opportunity to ask it?
wayne
 
  2  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 03:52 am
@Intrepid,
Intrepid wrote:

Whether you think it has no bearing or not is of no consequence. Are you denying me the opportunity to ask it?


You asked it didn't you?
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 04:37 am
@wayne,
I didn't ask you. You have no way of knowing the answer.

Rolling Eyes another phili highschool nerd
wayne
 
  2  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 04:51 am
@Intrepid,
Intrepid wrote:

I didn't ask you. You have no way of knowing the answer.

Rolling Eyes another phili highschool nerd


Your assumptions speak most clearly of yourself.
The question you asked was available in public form, I simply voiced an opinion, you are perfectly free to like or dislike that opinion, and even free to tell me to butt out. Of course, you are also free to show your ass and respond as you have with a baseless assault on the character of someone you know nothing about.
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 05:00 am
@Intrepid,
Intrepid wrote:

Who is paying for the wedding?

A very astute question Intrepid.
roger
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 05:04 am
@tsarstepan,
Traditionally, father of the bride. Her future mil can now butt out.
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 05:14 am
@roger,
Well considering we are no longer living in traditional times and that many traditions are being thrown out of the tradition facing bay window then perhaps she has an arguement.

Ethically speaking, the MIL should let the bride and groom forge their own wedding ceremony and reception but since these days weddings tend to be priced in the tens of thousands of dollars (a massive and useless waste in my eyes) that the MIL if she is anteing for the bill should have some say in the proceedings. Though she really should butt out. Let's see how karma treats the MIL in the future if she exploits this wedding to promote her ownself rather then do good for the bride and groom.
0 Replies
 
wayne
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 05:26 am
I see an elopement in the future here.
0 Replies
 
ebrown p
 
  2  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:10 am
Why is there always so much pointless bickering in threads about planning a wedding?
ebrown p
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:23 am
A couple quick (hopeful amusing and kind of relevant) stories.

In the US, traditionally the brides family pays for the wedding. In Mexico the grooms family pays for the wedding. In my wedding the bride's family was Mexican, and the groom's family was American.... I figure that couples in the opposite situation have very lavish wedding.

There was a "mother-in-law" figure at our wedding (not my actual mother-in-law with whom I get along with just fine). This woman felt the need to control everything about the ceremony.

Surprisingly it was the photographer, a professional we found in some directory, who kept this woman in line. He apparently recognized what was going on-- He stood up to her and told her she wasn't in charge, and then he graciously let her make some trivial decisions about the photographs. For the rest of the ceremony and reception this woman was reasonable.

I suppose the wedding photographers have to deal with family politics all of the time... this guy was worth every cent we paid him before we even got the photos.


ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:33 am
@Falling,
1. who is paying?
2. what is your fiance's involvement in coordinating things? one of his roles should be to 'manage' his family
3. can you afford a wedding planner? if so, take advantage of it - they're usually marvellous at keeping family members in check
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:34 am
@wayne,
wayne wrote:

That really should have no bearing on the issue.


it shouldn't, but it does

the reality is that $$$ talks, when it comes to wedding planning

ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:35 am
@ebrown p,
ebrown p wrote:

Why is there always so much pointless bickering in threads about planning a wedding?


because there is pointless bickering in real life about planning weddings
0 Replies
 
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:35 am
I can now see that my question was reasonable as it does have some bearing on the MIL's involvement.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:41 am
@ebrown p,
ebrown p wrote:
There was a "mother-in-law" figure at our wedding
(not my actual mother-in-law with whom I get along with just fine).
This woman felt the need to control everything about the ceremony.

Surprisingly it was the photographer, a professional we found
in some directory, who kept this woman in line.
This invokes defensive considerations.

Who 's job is it to defend the family from troublesome intruders ?





David
0 Replies
 
wayne
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:45 am
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

wayne wrote:

That really should have no bearing on the issue.


it shouldn't, but it does

the reality is that $$$ talks, when it comes to wedding planning




Sure, that's true, but I think the girl needs a baseline from which to make her decisions about this issue. The effects of her decisions in handling this situation will last a long time. The ideal wedding is a good place to start, she can make concessions from that point. Who pays for the wedding won't help much with the resentments if she doesn't choose wisely.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jul, 2010 06:48 am
@ehBeth,
wayne wrote:
That really should have no bearing on the issue.
ehBeth wrote:
it shouldn't, but it does

the reality is that $$$ talks, when it comes to wedding planning
That 's the Golden Rule: he who has the gold (or he who is spending it) rules.





David
0 Replies
 
 

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