I hate my MIL

Who is paying for the wedding?

That really should have no bearing on the issue.
The wedding ceremony is a special moment concerning 2 people, the Bride and the Groom, other than supporting players everyone else is an observer, nothing more.
The solution here is simple, but may be a case of the cure being worse than the malady. Tell MIL to butt out!!!! You'll have to use your own judgement on whether the cure is worse or not.

Whether you think it has no bearing or not is of no consequence. Are you denying me the opportunity to ask it?

You asked it didn't you?

I didn't ask you. You have no way of knowing the answer.

another phili highschool nerd

Your assumptions speak most clearly of yourself.
The question you asked was available in public form, I simply voiced an opinion, you are perfectly free to like or dislike that opinion, and even free to tell me to butt out. Of course, you are also free to show your ass and respond as you have with a baseless assault on the character of someone you know nothing about.

A very astute question Intrepid.

Traditionally, father of the bride. Her future mil can now butt out.

Well considering we are no longer living in traditional times and that many traditions are being thrown out of the tradition facing bay window then perhaps she has an arguement.

Ethically speaking, the MIL should let the bride and groom forge their own wedding ceremony and reception but since these days weddings tend to be priced in the tens of thousands of dollars (a massive and useless waste in my eyes) that the MIL if she is anteing for the bill should have some say in the proceedings. Though she really should butt out. Let's see how karma treats the MIL in the future if she exploits this wedding to promote her ownself rather then do good for the bride and groom.

I see an elopement in the future here.

Why is there always so much pointless bickering in threads about planning a wedding?

A couple quick (hopeful amusing and kind of relevant) stories.

In the US, traditionally the brides family pays for the wedding. In Mexico the grooms family pays for the wedding. In my wedding the bride's family was Mexican, and the groom's family was American.... I figure that couples in the opposite situation have very lavish wedding.

There was a "mother-in-law" figure at our wedding (not my actual mother-in-law with whom I get along with just fine). This woman felt the need to control everything about the ceremony.

Surprisingly it was the photographer, a professional we found in some directory, who kept this woman in line. He apparently recognized what was going on-- He stood up to her and told her she wasn't in charge, and then he graciously let her make some trivial decisions about the photographs. For the rest of the ceremony and reception this woman was reasonable.

I suppose the wedding photographers have to deal with family politics all of the time... this guy was worth every cent we paid him before we even got the photos.

1. who is paying?
2. what is your fiance's involvement in coordinating things? one of his roles should be to 'manage' his family
3. can you afford a wedding planner? if so, take advantage of it - they're usually marvellous at keeping family members in check

it shouldn't, but it does

the reality is that $$$ talks, when it comes to wedding planning

because there is pointless bickering in real life about planning weddings

I can now see that my question was reasonable as it does have some bearing on the MIL's involvement.

This invokes defensive considerations.

Who 's job is it to defend the family from troublesome intruders ?





David

Sure, that's true, but I think the girl needs a baseline from which to make her decisions about this issue. The effects of her decisions in handling this situation will last a long time. The ideal wedding is a good place to start, she can make concessions from that point. Who pays for the wedding won't help much with the resentments if she doesn't choose wisely.

That 's the Golden Rule: he who has the gold (or he who is spending it) rules.





David