I have a wedding planned for july 24,2010 and now not sure it is right?

Can you live without her? If not, she is the one.

I am the she and can i live with out him, at times i think i can but then other times i am not sure.

Have the party, but don't sign any papers. You can always sign later if you feel it's right.

how do you do that? do you fake the whole day and decide later wheater you will sign them or something.

If he is under 30, you have a problem. Young guys want to sow their oats and want freedom. Late thirties and early forties look like a better bet.

ya he is under 30

Do as Greenwitch recommended. I know I am a guy. Also depends how long you have known him. The longer the better.

Well hopefully i can tell him that is what i want to do i don't know how he will react but hopefully it works

The only legal part is when you sign the papers. If you don't sign you will not need a lawyer to walk away at a later date. Are you doing the whole church/synagogue thing?

No we are renting out a hall and having a justice of the peace

two and half years we have been togeather

Excellent. No reason you can't put on a beautiful dress and have a celebration with your friends and family. Think of it as a party to explore the possibility of spending the rest of your life with this man, if it doesn't work out you can shake hands and toss a coin to see who gets the big screen TV. You should explain to the JoftheP your decision and perhaps tweak the vows accordingly. Personally, I think marriage is an outdated concept and should be done away with (and I've been with the same man for 16 years).

Thank you so much for your input still not sure what i feel right now but hopefully it is just nerves on both ends. congrats to you for being with the same person for sixteen years. Hopefully it is nerves and i can get through this with out ruining good friendships.

I should add you need tell your fiance exactly how you feel and why you want to continue without the paperwork. Tell him the last few weeks have made you feel insecure about the commitment and you would like to see if you get the wedding extravaganza and stress behind you if things will go back as they were before when you felt you wanted the commitment.

i will definitly do that thank you so much.

Hi helpasap, I'm sure you know that talk's response is a major generalization but since you selected that response... in my situation, we got married when I was 25 and he was 27, and had been together for four years at that point (we've now been together for 18 years).

The period before the wedding is definitely stressful, especially if you're doing all the work yourself. I've noted before that I think things might have evolved that way for a reason -- that if you can get through the pre-wedding stress, your marriage has a good chance (and if you can't, you don't get married in the first place).

Not kissing each other anymore doesn't sound good. I think I'd start there. Talk to him about that and your concerns, see where things go.

I get what GreenWitch means about the party but if you have serious concerns a) the party won't be as fun, b) the ceremony + party won't be as meaningful, and c) the guests might get pissed off if they're going to any trouble to attend, give you gifts, etc. and then next week you're like yeah, we're not sticking together after all.

You have some time, not a ton but some. I think you guys should use that to figure some things out before the party.

Good luck!

If I were a guest, I would get pretty ticked off if I took the time to go out and find a gift, dress up and spend pretty much half a day of my time attending a wedding only to discover that it really wasn't a wedding because you didn't sign the papers cause you weren't sure you wanted to be married. In fact, I think I would be furious.

So either go through with it all the way or at least get word to your guests that the wedding is really just a party to celebrate the possibility that you might eventually, if you feel like it, sign the papers and be married. Then they can decide if they want to waste their time attending or not.

Why do the guests have to know? Why is it any of their business whether she signs or not? Personally, I think they should be happy they got a dinner and a night out in exchange for a toaster or a crystal vase.

I know a few couples who just did the personal vow thing and decided to leave the government and church out of it, would you consider that a waste of your time to go to a party to celebrate their domestic joining? Gay people aren't even allowed to do the legal thing, I would never consider their wedding events to be a waste of my time.

Don't forget common law partnership kicks in so he could sue for half the property. Anyway do not be in each other's company 24 hours a day. Have a few hours away from each other if not you will be at each other's throat for sure. Don't live and work together in the same premises..