I have a wedding planned for july 24,2010 and now not sure it is right?

@helpasap,

without reading any previous posts I have one reply and no matter what others have said, my reply is listen to your own instincts, inside yourself is a hidden mechanism, your sub-conscious, it is right.

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@helpasap,

helpasap wrote:

Thank you so much for your input still not sure what i feel right now but hopefully it is just nerves on both ends. congrats to you for being with the same person for sixteen years. Hopefully it is nerves and i can get through this with out ruining good friendships.

Your seeing how he acts under stress. Life is stress. Things usually change when you get married. Stay single and keep the party g-g as was previously mentioned.

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@Green Witch,

Greenwitch, I wouldn't have a major objection at all as long as I knew in advance what the deal is going to be, at which point I can decide whether or not I want to be a part of the proceedings. But inviting me to a wedding only to discover that the bride (or groom) has decided not to actually, really sign the papers just in case she/he decides afterward that it was not a good idea would get me a bit ticked.

Of course, I tend to be one of those old fashioned fogies who believes that a couple should tie the knot before living together, so that may well have some bearing on my opinion in this case.

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@CoastalRat,

Then I'll answer too, because I'm not an old-fashioned fogey (about that anyway). I lived with my husband for ~three years before getting married.

To me, the whole celebration-worthy event is "We are taking the leap! We are going to make a lifelong commitment to each other because at least at this moment we truly believe that it is something we want and that we are able to accomplish."

That's a big deal!

I don't care if it's a gay commitment ceremony or what the level of officialness is. But that central component has to be there, IMO, or else it's nothing special. Anyone who has dated for a couple of weeks could do it. "Yeah. Might work out. Dunno. We'll see. I'm registered at Macy's."

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@sozobe,

Also...

We don't know where they're going with this, where they will wind up.

If they do this half-hearted, yeah-maybe, I-don't-actually-like-you-that-much-right-now wedding, with the party and the gifts and everything, and then once the stress is off find their groove again, and then are totally in love again, and then REALLY want to get married... then what? Will they have yet another ceremony where they really mean it? Or will they just have the wedding pictures where they can't muster a real smile, and the vows they uttered through clenched teeth?

If things are really not looking good (what's the latest, helpasap?), I think I'd recommend something like sending out a notification to everyone and saying that while there won't be a wedding, there will be a party that they are more than welcome to attend, (no gifts please). That way the ones who already have plane tickets and hotel reservations and plans to see family/ friends can attend something, while the people who didn't have to travel far can just stay home, if they want (they could still attend, too). And everyone can just return their gifts (or not buy them if they haven't gotten around to it).

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@sozobe,

Couldn't have said it better Sozobe.

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@sozobe,

Me either, Soz.

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@sozobe,

I agree too but all of this assumes that the groom-to-be, or not-to-be, will still participate. He may end up feeling that the whole thing is a sham and she's not who he thought she was either.

Just call the whole thing off and get your **** together.

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I suggest a few days apart. If you/him don't feel like kissing after not seeing you/him after that, then re-think this whole thing.

There is immense stress in the planning of a wedding. Men get run over in the whole thing; brides get stressed out.

PS Being married is a lot different than living together, no matter what they say. It's quite a different level of commitment.

(OK, let the retorts begin . . . )

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@helpasap,

helpasap wrote:

Help! I have a wedding date everything planned and paid for it is in 18 days and now I am not sure it is the right thing to do. When i started planning the wedding we were in love and everything felt right. The past month and half I feel like we are just roomates and we don't even kiss eachother anymore is this stress from the wedding/ cold feet or is this really the absolute wrong place for me to be. Not sure what to do how would i not go through with it if that is what needs to happen. Need advice please help me

This is why I am against the whole wedding thing. Perhaps I am being negative but I don't see why two people cant just be together for as long as it can last and when it can't they just go their own ways. Why put up this whole ceremony thing especially after seeing so many cases where people have been together for like five or six years then decide to get married only to get divorced three months later. It's so crazy.

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@Green Witch,

Depend if she live in a common-law state or not.

If she go through with a public wedding she sure as hell is holding herself out as a married person to her community.

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@Green Witch,

Quote:

if it doesn't work out you can shake hands and toss a coin to see who gets the big screen TV. You should explain to the JoftheP your decision and perhaps tweak the vows accordingly.

If a woman pull this at the last minute on me I would pack my bags and walk or perhap run to the door.

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@sozobe,

I love the women here just assuming that the groom would go along with this craziness.

And once more talk to a lawyer because if there is common-law statue in her area of the world she is looking to be married sign papers or no sign papers.

Common-law kick in when a couple hold themselves out to be a married.

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@JPB,

Quote:

Just call the whole thing off and get your **** together.

Agree 100 percent

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@talk72000,

You should be 150% sure with no doubt. Don't waist either of your lives. The money is replaceable-your heart isn't.

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Quote:

I think it is very lucky for both, if they get job or do business together

Yeah, how romantic, doing the business.

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hitmark wrote:

I think it is very lucky for both, if they get job or do business together. How you think that it is not good?

Quote:

common law partnership

This phrase does not mean they have a business or job together. It means the state acknowledges their relationship as a marriage even though they have not gotten married. It's becoming more common in the US, although rules vary from state to state.

So I'm dying to know what happened on the 24th. I bet she went through with the whole thing. Either way, I hope it was the right decision for both of them.

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My resoning is as follows. If you are walking and a big stone get into your shoe you will remove it right away but if it is tiny you might carry on but after a few hours the tiny stones will hurt as much. In a marriage where couples don't see each other at work come home and the small irritations are forgivable and maybe endearing. But if both husband and wife work at home and see each other 24 hours a day those irritations became nagging and soon they begin to bother each other. I have seen a couple where the guy's wife work as his secretary and she gives all the orders. They hate each other. Two frends I knew started a business together. They lived next to each other. When they worked in the same office after a few months they were really turned into enemies as one saw the other as interfering and the other saw him as inefficient beginning too many goals but not following thru. The small stones on constant contact over a long period creates sores and cuts or boils.

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I have a wedding planned for july 24,2010 and now not sure it is right?

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