I was outraged, should I have been?

Right on. Thumbs up.

Well in a way I think you did the right thing. I might not have responded the way you did, but I would have pointed out to her that what she was expecting is selfish and not friend like.

This woman is trouble.

You did the right thing by breaking up with her, and responding that way.

She's a user.

If you love someone, these little issues don't matter a whole lot in the long run. Perhaps you should have leveled with her long ago, told her honestly and in an adult fashion what you don't like about her behavior. If you love her, it's worth the trouble, if she loves you, she may be willing to make some necessary changes.

What little issues? Maybe he tried to talk to her. Maybe she put a fist in his face. Do we even know that he loved her? We have nothing really to go on and you're giving advice?

That wasn't the point of his question, anyway. You're such a stickler for points, I'm surprised you didn't notice that.

Ummm, yes, I was all alone in that regard, Mame, the giving advice part.

He asked for opinions on what he'd said to her. Your advice was predicated on assumptions. That he loved her, for one. We don't know that.

Yes, that's what ifs mean. You are one sharp little cookie, Mame.

Hi all, thanks for your words of wisdom and advice, it feels good to know you guys think it was the right thing to do.

JTT, I agree with you. If you love someone, you have to do everything possible to stick with the relationship until you cannot anymore. I did just that, I tried to tell her in every respectful way what was bothering me and hoped that she would understand, and tried to listen and understand and comply with her requests, but I have had enough. I saw not much change and all I got from her was "why are you always trying to change me?" and "why can't you accept me as I am". Problem is, "as she was" used to make me very stressed and so again after one year I was truly fed up with the relationship. So that's why I ended it and that means it's over.

I won't lie to you, I still thought about her sometimes, in fact yesterday I wanted to buy a pair of sunglasses and wanted someone to come with me to help me find the right pair and was thinking of calling her to help me, so when I saw her name on my phone today I was happy to answer, only to hear her "sad" story.

Look , I am not going to pretend I am the best boyfriend or a saint, but I do believe I did everything I could to improve our relationship and she didn't really care as much. I guess this was the "the straw that broke the camel's back". And with that I guess I answered my own question, lol.

one final word, from exerience....

women do not stay in the homes of married men, when the wife is not home.

there is a lot more to that story, believe me.

I know you were angry and I think you had a right to be. Her story sounds stupid but there is also a note of unreality to it.

You ended this relationship because of her behavior. Regardless of whether the events that she related to you happened as she represented them or whether they are a total fabrication, you owe this woman nothing.

I wonder why she 'dumped' this story on you. Passive aggressive? trying to get your goat? Whiney little girl?

You really didn't need to hear about her 'sad' story. She is responsible for her actions and you had nothing to do with them.

Doesn't she have girlfriends to tell this stuff to?

PS I agree with the person who said there's something more to the story.

Amen, sister. It's a good way to get yourself shot by a jealous wife, even if you're innocent.

You did the right thing.
I'd also like to send a shout-out to whichever engineer first said "Hey, we could make the name of the person calling you show up on the screen." That person has saved me and millions of others a lot of grief.
Just remember, if you ever see her name on your screen again....

Joe(Press Delete and move on)Nation

Getting off the original topic.

That story, of "we're just friends", always reminds me of this incident.

Long ago, while looking for work, I was temping at various places around town. It's a great way to watch the soap operas going on at workplaces, and not get involved.
One time, I was doing an assignment at a title company. There was this one woman there, one of the principals of the company, that had "bad news" written all over her. She was the type that just loved going after a man, IF he was married/commited to someone else.
Several times, she'd speak of male friends she had, how they were "just friends" and how she couldn't understand why all these wives or girlfriends were just so distrustful of her.
Once she was going on about how she was a quarter native american, can't even remember what it was about.
I said to her "my husbands got a lot of indian blood in him"

"Oh, why don't you give me your phone number? I'd love to get together with him to talk"

I said something like "so you can be just friends with him?"

We never spoke after that.

good on ya, Chai.

For all the stories, there certainly are some people who be adults.

Well, I certainly agree that some people be adults. In fact, I would say that most people be adults.

I might point out, that "all the stories" are actually just one story I told.

I would also point out, that an adult who is married, and it comes to pass that member of the opposite sex was going to have a friendly sleepover at their house, would let his spouse know that "hey, I just giving you a call to let you know that a female type person is going to be sleeping at the house tonight. I'm sure that's fine with you, right hon?"

I mean, why wouldn't they, if they are all adults? That's what adults do, communicate fully and openly. Especially adults who are married to each other. That's kinda one of the cornerstones of a marriage.

That whole "let no man put asunder" thing, doncha' know.

I'm back from the other room, where I was folding laundry....that's when I do important thinking.

With full knowledge that JTT is a pot stirrer, and takes pleasure in taking the opposing side, just to show he/she can, I'm going to address this girlfriend/wife this a bit deeper, to the original poster.

It is always irritating to me when someone, in this case, your former GF, chooses to ignore the fundamental superior status a wife, or husband holds, over all other adult relationships.

Actually, not always just irritating. In some cases, like this one, infuriating.

Your former gf says she feels bad. She should feel bad.....she absolutely did something bad.
The essence of a marriage is that they are the primary relationship, and no one has any place coming between that relationship.

Don't listen to, or try to convince yourself that "oh but, she didn't mean anything by that. she didn't know it would upset his wife, it was just innocently sleeping at this married mans house"

Whether it did actually upset the wife or not is totally irrelevant. The fact she would deliberately put herself in such a compromising situation, where the likelihood of negative consequences would occur, is extremely telling as to what type of person she is.

Anyone who says something like "but you don't know what kind of relationship the married couple has, you don't know if they slept together or not" is being ridiculous.

Put simply, anyone who would think that this type of behaviour wouldn't generally be seen as destructive, is, quite frankly, a moron.

Being a GF or BF is a practice run. Being a wife or husband is the real deal. If she was so tired she couldn't possibly get home, and if for some impossible to comprehend reason the husband didn't make a move to notify the wife (yeah right), why didn't your ex-girlfriend call the wife herself and let her know she was going to be sleeping at her house? It is her house after all, and has the right to know who's sleeping there.

Some people, both men and women, just walk in, create a problem, and can just walk away. They don't have to look behind them at the destruction they sowed. Whether those seeds of destruction sprout or not, is again irrelevant.

Your ex-GF abused you, and she has created dissension in a marriage relationship, and now all she can say is she feels bad? She needs to be saying she feels bad to the people she got between, not you.

And, after all this, you want to buy her sunglasses.


Stay outraged at her.