@dirtydozen
In lieu of what appears to be quite a bit of evidence that you have trouble dealing with bosses, co-workers, etc., can you give me your thoughts about why working with people is where you would perform well?
For instance, you say you like working with people...how so? Is it that you like helping customers, but it is your coworkers and bosses you have a problem with? Is it that you enjoy helping people up until the point they do something you don't agree with?
I guess I'm simply trying to reconcile the apparent gap between what you say you like and your actions.
DD, I still have to believe you have a little Asperger's going on. I know you don't think so, but your behavior and cluelessness about proper interaction is classic of the disorder. Maybe you should become a nun where the vocation requires a vow of silence, you could help and intermingle with people without speaking.
@dirrtydozen22,
Once again you're still in denial. Hospitality is not an ideal work environment. You may like it, but it's not just about you. You have to understand the impact you currently have on others. Once you have spent some time working on your emotional issues and gain some confidence with a new skill through vocational training it will be a different story.
@Green Witch,
i was wondering about that also
@djjd62,
Me too, and I think I've said something like that to DD, but I don't want to try to chase that down, as maybe it was just a thought. I'm no expert, though. Still, it's something that could be looked into, as there might be help out there in that direction.
@ossobuco,
a radio guy i listen to, thinks his partner has aspergers, he's never been diagnosed but a doctor friend they know sort of agrees, one problems he has is reading peoples faces, he has trouble telling if someone is happy, sad, angry, apprehensive, must be an odd way to go through life
Here's a clinical definition:
Quote:Asperger syndrome is a pervasive developmental disorder that is characterized by an inability to understand how to interact socially. Typical features of the syndrome also may include clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements, social impairment with extreme egocentricity, limited interests and unusual preoccupations, repetitive routines or rituals, speech and language peculiarities, and non-verbal communication problems.
From here:
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=9675
Green witch, I am in fact socially clueless. I'd appreciate if y'all could explain a few things to me.
1) A few people on Y!A and another message board said things like, "Not many job would be this accomodating." and "She did not fire you, as most bosses would have." Even a few people IRL said similar things. Question: Why did she give me a second chance but keep me at a distance? And on the ONE day she kept a little less distance from me, she didn’t even add me back on facebook! All other time, the only time she says anything to me was when **** needs done. Doesn’t that conflict with each other? Or did she set her standard too low or feel obligated to give me that second chance?
2) She planned on moving me from “on call hours” to actually being scheduled once I behave myself completely. The day I returned to work, she was like, “I’m not scheduling you just yet.” I’m like, “Ever?” and she was like, “I didn’t say that. You need to behave completely in the longer run.”
The next day, she said when I do well enough, she plan on putting me on schedule, and I was like, “how long?” She was like,” However long it takes.”
Question: How come she planned on putting me back on schedule but didn’t mention planning on joking around and small talk like she used to? How come she still does just that w/ everyone else but not me?
3) I acted spoiled because of the following:
My boss was the one who spoiled me. For instance, when she was friends w/ me on facebook, our posts on each other's wall was more personal than professional. In other words, no different than what my friends and I post on each other's facebook. Let's see...when the weather sucked back in January and I had no ride, she took me home, not once, but 5 times. There were hardly any distances between us before the incident, much as if we were friends. The way we talked to each other was as if we were friends (like about bejeweled blitz on facebook, which both of us played regularly etc.) Why did she stop all that?
So when I quit my job, it was my last desperate resort to send a message: I can’t deal with you ignoring me. That’s after I tried talking to her and it didn’t work. Why did she fail to get my message?
@Green Witch,
I had that diagnosis since I was a little kid. I just happened to be in deniel b4.
@dirrtydozen22,
You should have given 2 weeks notice - that is the professional thing to do.
Not sure the entire situation, but that would cause me to not re-hire the person. As far as not getting any other offers yet - it could simply be the economy and the few jobs there are out there.
@dirrtydozen22,
well you didn't show much of being a good friend yourself, by leaving her stranded without 2 weeks notice.
@dirrtydozen22,
I explained the answers to all these questions in your other thread, DDD. Go back there and reread the several posts about this in that thread again if you need to. Repeatedly giving you the same answers and advice doesn't seem to be working, so it will be up to you to go back and reread what has been already said to you. Consider that the first step in helping yourself make some changes in your behavior and life. And stop trying to find a way to still make it all her fault!!!
@Butrflynet,
Butrflynet wrote:
go back and reread what has been already said to you.
This is so important is needs to be emphasized.
@mm25075,
I read the other thread. Basically it was bc I embarrassed her that she wouldn't talk to me. I admit to being wrong. Still, I never met a person who LIKES being ignored.
@dirrtydozen22,
Nope. Okay, I'm going to do this one last time DDD.
Here's a recap of what all I said:
Quote:As to the distance your boss has put between herself and you, I'd surmise that she's been counseled by others about how familiar she got with a subordinate and that familiarity is probably what led to the unprofessional choice you made in the way you reacted in front of customers to a change in shifts.
One of the first things new supervisors are taught is that they can not have the same type of friendship with subordinates as they do with peers. Sounds like your boss knows she let the friendship get too familiar and is now putting some distance between you so the relationship again becomes a professional supervisor/subordinate one.
Quote:Btw, if your boss hated you, she would not be calling you back in to work at all. She's been giving you chances to prove yourself (and taking a chance that you won't jeopardize her job by acting out again). That isn't something done by someone that hates you.
And here's what I said in the thread before that one:
Quote:They did not discipline you for apologizing to your supervisor.
You were disciplined for your inappropriate choice of timing and location to discuss with your supervisor a personnel matter where the customers could hear you.
You were disciplined for your inappropriate choice of voice level and tone to express the personnel matter to your supervisor.
You were disciplined for your inappropriate and incorrect assumption that the decision to cut back hours on that one day was something specific to you only, and the way you chose to communicate that assumption and reaction to your supervisor.
You were disciplined because your choice of actions and tone caused the company to receive complaints from their customers.
These are important points that you need to think hard about, DD. Nothing is going to change for you until take responsibility for your choice of actions and not try to spin it as you being disciplined for apologizing.
Your supervisor has to protect herself too. Your choice of actions that caused customers to complain to the company put her job in jeopardy, too. You need to figure that out and communicate your understanding of this to your supervisor.
If I were your supervisor, I'd hesitate to return you to full duty hours until I felt you understood those points and assured me you had learned how to better handle yourself at work.
Quit being so defensive about it and use it as an opportunity to learn from it and improve yourself.
Quote:Based on what you've just written, I wouldn't hire you back. You haven't learned a thing about yourself or how to better handle such situations in the future from this opportunity.
You are not in a helpless position. You are in a position where only you can help yourself and you refuse to do so. You still prefer to be defensive and expect others to make exceptions and accommodations for your choices.
@dirrtydozen22,
Your boss acted unprofessionally by becoming your friend. It was her job to be your boss, not your buddy. You acted unprofessionally by encouraging this friendship. It was your job to be a good employee, not your boss's pal.
Asperger's is a difficult thing to deal with, but it explains why you have so much trouble understanding what seems obvious to us. Most Asperger's people never truly assimilate and function in general society. You are always on the outer edge peering in and wondering what went wrong to put you there. I wish I could give you better advice, but I also understand your brain does not see the world as most people see it. I know there is nothing like a cure, but sometimes on-going social counseling can help. Something more steady and professional than a general chat forum. I hope you will seek it out and benefit from it.
@Butrflynet,
Can't everyone see the trend here? DD doesn't reply to those with whom she doesn't like their advice. She blocks out the truth or advice from those who are saying things she can't or won't process. She will repeat this pattern ad infinitum.
Look back on past threads and comments how the same things keep happening for the last year and her last 2 jobs. Right now she still is trying to figure how to get her former boss to like her instead of figuring out how to get help to modify her work's on-the-job behavior.
This problem is about your behavior -- not about your boss! You betrayed her trust as a friend and employee ... and trying to figure out whether or not she's your friend or she replies in FB should be the least of your concerns.
@Butrflynet,
Butrflynet wrote:
And stop trying to find a way to still make it all her fault!!!
This apparently is part of the Asperger's behavior.
@Ragman,
Sure, but -
I take Green Witch's view, which I agree with, and there may be counselling help or group help.
DD mentioned her parents somewhere early on and I think she may have some protection. I would like to see you do well, DD, as do probably all of us still posting on your threads.
I like it, DD, that you are internet savvy.
