need help !

the answer is easy.

If you were able to step out after requesting his help to work on things then juts call it quits.

Dont spend your life in a marriage you dont enjoy, dont want, and are not getting what you need from. There is no guilt in leaving something you know doesnt work.

Aw, he only wants you to stay because you've finally taken the initiative and are also taking action. He thought you were a wimp. Humans are like that. Should you stay he could revert back to his self.

If you don't want to be married to this guy, contact an attorney and get a divorce, or just leave. It might be best not to involve the other guy.

Dammit! that always happens.

On the other hand...if you leave before you've honestly done everything you can to save the marriage, you probably will have regrets.

You've only been married about a year, right? That's about long enough for major problems to become obvious, but not enough time to figure out if they can be solved.

Are there any children involved?

Yeah, but the guy is soooo baaad. Such an intolerable situation!

No children are involved ..

I noticed in your posting that you feel guilty, but you fail to mention that you still love your husband or that there are any feelings left. Are there? If the fire is still burning, maybe you should work on it, but if the hearth is cold, time to move on.

Peaceful,

I've seen this happen before. And my advice is that (as others have said) if you still have feelings for your husband and you think that he could try to improve himself and could start paying attention to you, then I would give it another try. However if he refuses to change or if he's incapable of changing for whatever reason, if he continues to neglect you and you feel that the love you onced share has now diminished, then I would suggest not staying with him. You deserve to be with someone that loves you, pays attention to you and makes you happy. And it seems that your husband is not doing that. So, if you're in love with this man that you're dating then I would say go with it but only if you're positively sure that you no longer want to be with your husband.

Good luck on your decision.

How does he treat his mother? (from what you wrote, it seems to me that he put in only enough effort to find another mother figure in his life)

Btw, if there's any chance at all for it to work out, then he has to understand what the problem is. The most common scenario by very far, is that he doesn't understand, and won't change on a deep level (where you need such changes to occur if he isn't to revert back to his old ways once he feels safe again)

The problems in the marriage are not new. He ignored you when you wanted help and felt frustrated. Sounds like its too late, I hope it's not just about another man.

Your mistake was getting involved with another man. you should have left no-good husband, stood on your own two feet, then found a man to fit your needs.

How do you know this guy is just not a re-bound man?

Her mistake was marrying a man who she knew had these behaviors. I'm sure he didn't suddenly start watching TV and playing Xbox after his wedding day. I doubt he suddenly started yelling and being rude to her the day after her wedding.

Down through history, many women have made the same mistake - believing that if they get married, she will be able to get him to change his behavior. More often than not, the behavior does not change and she ends up miserable.

( I'm in the state of confusion still..
I love my husband but I feel that I'm not in love with him in more .. my husband found out that I'm having an affair but yet said that he'll forgive me because he loves me and because he mistreated me &feels guilty about it .. he is begging me to give him another chance to fix our marriage & is claiming that he really changed this time & that he will really show me how much he loves me ..he said that like 1000000 times before but when right back to his old habits after a couple of days . I shut down & I don't feel like giving him another chance .. & I feel guilty about it because part of the reason I don't wanna give him another chance is that I'm in love with the other guy ...I don't know what to do.. should I move on & be with the other guy or try to give me husband another chance .. help !

See what I said in my last post.

Personally, I think it's time for you to make a decision.

Ok, so now that I'm getting ready to move on because I honestly don't believe that my husband can really change or make me happy. I still love him but not in love with him.. and I feel this excruciating guilt everyday and I cry everyday because he cries and makes me feel so bad that I'm leaving .. I'm so confused as to why I'm sad. is it because I'm going to miss him and because I care .. or am I really not making the right decision by leaving .. we have been living together for 3 years now that I wasted of my life..

Don't beat yourself up about the past. You have learned how you DONT want to live.

Feeling sorry for a person is very demeaning emotion - for him. He is pitiful and you feel guilty about that. Tell him to man-up and grow-up for the next woman in his life.

As for you, it's better you feel anger than guilt and pity. The goal is for you to let him go totally. AND DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN!!

Get to know yourself and what you want at this time in your life. Don't pick up any wounded bird, again. They tend to zap the life out of you.

Thank you so much. that makes sense ..

Why did you marry your husband?

What about him did you love?

Is any of that still in him?

__________

I would suggest that whether or not you choose to end your marriage that you end the affair you are in.

Give yourself a year or two to deal with what you have done - to learn about yourself before you get involved in another mess or two.

Did he explain why he was such an egoist and denyed you sex?

Sex was so good in the beginning but then it stopped .. I still out in the effort to look sexy and take care of myself to attract my husband but he rejects me for sex and says that he is not in the mood !!!

I love so many things about my husband but I have a high sex drive plus it's so hurtful to me to feel rejected all the time.. he is a good friend , he has a very kind heart , I liked hanging out with him but the sensuality is just not there ..
I feel so guilty that I'm ending my marriage because of this and I don't know if this is the right decision . my husband said he was gonna change so many times in the past but then he only changed for a few days then went back to his old habits .. I don't know how I'm gonna be without him. I will miss him dearly but on the other hand I can't deal with his lack of passion ...