Should I quit my job?

Forums: Life At Work, Job, Boss Dislikes Me, Work-Related, Personal Reasons
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Early last month, I accidentally embarrassed my boss in front of customers. If you look in my Q & A, you'll see the details. But anyway, she didn't let me come back to work for 2 weeks. When she did let me come back to work, it's only on an as-needed basis, meaning I'm not gauranteed any hours. They call me when they need me and so far, it's been once or twice a week. She promised to actually schedual me once I could behave myself in the long run. I know I'm lucky not to get canned for that bc it was that serious, but still, from that day on, she stopped liking me.

Every time she calls me in, I'm invisible. The only time she says anything to me is when she needs something done. Yet, she still talks to everyone else like BFF's, the way she used to do so with me. My coworkers and all the other mgrs like me, but my boss hates me and THAT's the reason I'm quitting, not the scheduling or anything work related. She's a changed person and 180 degrees different than she used to be. I could tell she liked me before bc first of all, she said so herself. Second, she added me to her facebook and every posts we made on each other's profile had been more personal than professional (well, McD's was never a serious job like corporate.) But now she's deleted me and basically makes me feel unwelcome at work no matter how hard I work and how good I behave.

She used to be on my side but now she's against me. No, it's not the lack of hours or anything work-related. It's the fact that she makes me feel like an outsider ever since I embarrassed her by accident. I quit more because of personal reasons than professional. Thank God I been here over a year.

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 4,156 • Replies: 36

So, which is it? Are you asking if you should quit your job or are you telling us that you already quit?

0 Replies

Three days ago, you wrote this:

http://able2know.org/topic/143685-3#post-3988345

Quote:

Yesterday was particualrly good. We get along better now. I checked with her at the end of my shift and it turned out I did a good job. Besides all that, she kept me longer than I was called in to work even after it died down.

Now you write:

Quote:

Every time she calls me in, I'm invisible. The only time she says anything to me is when she needs something done. Yet, she still talks to everyone else like BFF's, the way she used to do so with me. My coworkers and all the other mgrs like me, but my boss hates me and THAT's the reason I'm quitting, not the scheduling or anything work related. She's a changed person and 180 degrees different than she used to be. I could tell she liked me before bc first of all, she said so herself. Second, she added me to her facebook and every posts we made on each other's profile had been more personal than professional (well, McD's was never a serious job like corporate.) But now she's deleted me and basically makes me feel unwelcome at work no matter how hard I work and how good I behave.

What happened in those three days between "we get along better now" and "Every time she calls me in, I'm invisible. The only time she says anything to me is when she needs something done"?

As to the distance your boss has put between herself and you, I'd surmise that she's been counseled by others about how familiar she got with a subordinate and that familiarity is probably what led to the unprofessional choice you made in the way you reacted in front of customers to a change in shifts.

One of the first things new supervisors are taught is that they can not have the same type of friendship with subordinates as they do with peers. Sounds like your boss knows she let the friendship get too familiar and is now putting some distance between you so the relationship again becomes a professional supervisor/subordinate one.

What really happened, DDD? It doesn't sound like you to let something like that make you quit a job you've fought so hard to get and keep. Jobs are a lot harder to get than they were a year ago. If you haven't ready quit, you might want to rethink this decision of yours, especially if you are the sole financial support for yourself.

Btw, if your boss hated you, she would not be calling you back in to work at all. She's been giving you chances to prove yourself (and taking a chance that you won't jeopardize her job by acting out again). That isn't something done by someone that hates you.

1 Reply

@dirrtydozen22,

DD, u have to understand that u provoked her to this emotion against u.
Maybe she feels betrayed by a friend (??)

Men have been KILLED for less than your offense, that u described. [NO joke.]

IF u r gonna quit,
u better get another job first. It is probably easier to find a job,
if u already have one. U have time on your hands to do it. Good luck.

0 Replies

being invisible at work, sounds perfect, talk to me when you have to, otherwise, let me do my thing, sounds like heaven

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@dirrtydozen22,

DD, from your current misadventure
and from your posts concerning your earlier occupational troubles,
I have gotten the impression from your posts
that u have powerful subconscious self-destructive urges,
of which this last one was only another manifestation.

I respectfully suggest that u consider finding a free clinic
that will afford u psychological help to identify and to dig out self-destructive urges.

It seems that your subconscious mind is persistenty attacking u, making u do bad things,
so that u keep dragging these torments down on yourself. Good luck.

1 Reply

@dirrtydozen22,

You are much better off not quitting your job until you find another one. Jobs are difficult to come by these days, and even more difficult if you cannot get a good reference from your current employer.

There are much worse things than having your boss ignore you. Continue to go to work whenever they need you and try to do a good job. Be pleasant and polite to your boss but allow her to keep her distance from you. You have given her reason not to trust you, because you embarrassed her in front of customers, so you have no right to feel like the injured party. It is up to you to prove to her that you can behave in an appropriate manner. She is not your buddy, she's your boss, and she does not need to treat you like a friend. Be thankful that she is giving you any hours to work. As time goes on, and you behave yourself, she will likely increase your hours.

In your spare time, start looking for another job if you feel you would be happier elsewhere. But base this decision on whether or not you like the work, and not on whether you think your boss likes you. The longer you remain at your present job, without getting into additional difficulty, the more likely it will be that you will get a positive reference from your boss. You need good references to land future jobs.

You made one big mistake by embarrassing your boss the way you did. Don't make another big mistake by impulsively quitting this job because you now feel slighted by your boss. Her behavior toward you did not change without reason. It is now up to you to prove that you can behave appropriately at work, regardless of whether or not your boss is attentive to you. Just concentrate on doing a good job, and not on whether she likes you.

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Anyone getting the idea that posting here is a waste of energy?

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Ragman wrote:

Anyone getting the idea that posting here is a waste of energy?

That can be said of a hi proportion of conversation.

He who chooses to contribute will do it.

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Quote:

DD, from your current misadventure
and from your posts concerning your earlier occupational troubles,
I have gotten the impression from your posts
that u have powerful subconscious self-destructive urges,
of which this last one was only another manifestation.

BINGO! .....We have a winner.....

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

Quite true, David. I just find it frustrating when someone contradicts their own story from one message to the next message. And then, when offered the kind of quality help and support from many good sources, refuses to absorb it.

I guess that is my lesson in life - to learn to be more tolerant of others - particularly those that won't see truth, especially when it is biting their butt. Maybe I should look to see whether or not this annoyance reflects on my own shortcomings in dealing with my own life.

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@Butrflynet,

She had that familiarity with all her subordinates, not just me. She treated everyone like a friend, not just me. For instance, my coworkers are still on her facebook. Even though she still exercises her authority over everyone when she has to, she still have been a good person overall by treating everyone like a person, not just a subordinate. That's why she has been in the mgt job for so long.

Yes, we can get along to the point where we could work together, but it still goes w/o saying that she stopped liking me. When I told her that, she said I'm being paranoid. She calls me in regularly simply bc she wants me to work, not bc they got their asses kicked. But whenever I go in, she ostracizes me while being friendly with my coworkers, just like she used to be with me. How come my coworkers and other managers could acknowledge my existance but she can't? Why won't she make me feel welcome like they do?

I understand I embarrassed her and shoulda gotten worser consequences, but it's been a month and a half! It's not really the job I miss. It's the person she used to be. That person liked having me around and told me so herself while ringing up my discount. When a new manager started her shift in January, she told her, "You'll love her on facebook. She's funny." Matter of fact, that person took me home 5 times in January bc the weather sucked and I had no ride. She still jokes around with my coworkers, just like she used to with me. And she used to regualrly tell me I do a good job.

At a serious job, it's normal for a boss to be cold and distant. At McD's and other non-serious job, she's friends with everyone. To be cold and distant with me just bc of that infraction early last month. Ok it might be reasonable, but I can't bear it. I guess the better I got along with someone, the more she hurts me when she stop liking me. It's just sad.

2 Replies

@dirrtydozen22,

Some people 's brains are wired up that way.
U hear them saying: "when the bubble bursts, that 's the end of it."

Some of them say: "I 'm a Scorpio; I don 't get mad. I get even."
U don 't have it THAT bad because she is not threatening u.

David

0 Replies

@dirrtydozen22,

dirrtydozen22 wrote:

At a serious job, it's normal for a boss to be cold and distant. At McD's and other non-serious job, she's friends with everyone. To be cold and distant with me just bc of that infraction early last month. Ok it might be reasonable, but I can't bear it. I guess the better I got along with someone, the more she hurts me when she stop liking me. It's just sad.

She lost 'trust' in you. Trust is not something that be gained just because time goes by. Trust can only be gained through consistent action. Sure a month and half sounds like a long time, but it's not when trying to show you can be trusted to act appropriately in the work place.

Ok now. *takes off kid gloves* Hate to say this to ya, but mixing work with personal is always a bad idea. Why do you feel the [url]need[/url] to have to have your boss as a friend to work there?

As far as your boss goes, she is walking a fine line between being a good manager and buddy. It's hard to motivate fast food workers without being buddies with them. She is doing out of need, not necessarily genuine caring of a long term friendship type relationship.

Does it hurt to have a friend do a 180 on you? Sure it does, but you only continue to hurt yourself if you have the expectation that you should be close friends with your boss. Keep the two seperate, if only to be sure there are not any conflicts of interest if either of you decide you wish to move up in the company one day.

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I resigned on Monday. Now that I read what you guys said, is it possible to take back my resignation?

1 Reply

@dirrtydozen22,

dirrtydozen22 wrote:

I resigned on Monday. Now that I read what you guys said,
is it possible to take back my resignation?

U will know that when u try.

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

B4 I could try, one of my friends said resignations are usually final, so I assumed it was where I worked. I regret the whole **** now. I mean, she actually planned on scheduling me/increasing my hours as time goes on and I behave myself. She said so herself (and so had firefly Smile

) It's not like she was actually trying to force me to quit (she had done it to others b4). I did that voluntarily.

Now instead of it being about socializing and making friends, a job is suddenly about making money and getting **** done. I have this realization now that I already submitted 9 applications with only one interview and no offer. Besides all that, it's hard to find others that would cut me that much slack considering what I did a coupla months ago. I make myself sick thinking of how spoiled and ungrateful I am.

I'll prolly never quit a job again unless they're actually threatening to can me (which won't happen in the future.) Big big mistake.

3 Replies

@dirrtydozen22,

dirrtydozen22 wrote:

Now instead of it being about socializing and making friends, a job is suddenly about making money and getting **** done.

interesting, i've always thought jobs were always about the latter

0 Replies

@dirrtydozen22,

Quote:

I'll prolly never quit a job again unless they're actually threatening to can me (which won't happen in the future.) Big big mistake.

you are moaning about not having a job that you effectively have not worked at for months?? Obviously you have other means of support, you had screwed yourself over at that job, so move on already. What ever you have been doing to gain food and shelter over the last months keep doing, and reinvent yourself, become a better version of you, and get yourself a new job.

I think that it does not matter, that you need to fail, but if I were wrong you would not be looking backwards with longing towards your crappy old job right now but you would be looking forwards and be trying to figure out WTF you are going to do with your life.

0 Replies

@dirrtydozen22,

It is a hard lesson to learn in life. Most of us had to learn it too in our first jobs. I'm glad you are learning it early in life and hope you'll use the learning experience wisely in your future interactions with employers.

What types of jobs have you been submitting applications for?

Now that you have some free time, have you given any thought to taking some courses so you can expand your skills and widen your search prospects for a job? Take a look at your local city and county educational websites. Many of them offer very low cost summer courses. If you want some help looking for that info, let me know what city you live in and I'll see what I can find for you.

2 Replies

Should I quit my job?

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