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Wed 28 Apr, 2010 03:08 pm
The Dark Side of Women
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She
began her day by finding the most perfect shoes in the
first shop and a beautiful dress on sale slashed by 75
percent in the second. In the third, everything had just
been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her
husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in
critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor
to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there
as soon as possible.
As she hung up she realized she was leaving what
was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques.
She decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to
the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the
morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a
beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last
shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty,
she dashed to the hospital. She saw the woman doctor in the
corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The
doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and
finished your shopping trip, didn't you!? I hope you're
proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four
hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been
languishing in pain in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just
as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more
than likely be the last shopping trip you'll ever take!
For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock
care. And he will now be your career!"
The woman, overcome with guilt, broke down and sobbed.
The woman doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just messing with you.
He's dead. Show me what you bought."
She did the right thing. It could not have benefitted her husband one bit to have her there in the waiting room.
@Mame,
so what did she buy?
i bet she bought Chung Shi Shoes
Chai's gonna be so jealous
I just sent that to my brother-in-law in response to this (sorry, it was sent in caps and I didn't want to retype it):
Three Ladies in a Sauna
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM .
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR..
WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND .'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW - TECH . NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM..
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID..........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT........I'M GETTING A
FAX!!
@Mame,
Egads that's cold, even as a joke. But sure, see my new bracelet?
In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States
It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.
However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen.
In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.
The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was
alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she
had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
For some reason these jokes remind me of Illinois politician jokes.
Two Illinois politicians talking in a sauna.
The older, more experienced one said: "There is only one way a politician can make money honestly. Do you know how?"
"I give up," replied the younger politician. "How?"
"I didn't think you would know," the older one stated.
Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.Woman
Discoverer : Adam
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal
fluctuations.
Physical Properties :
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties :
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses :
a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it's too hot.
Tests :
a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution :
a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.
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