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im pregnant and my boyfriend is cheating again and again

 
 
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 11:13 am
im 16 and due to give give birth to my child in 5 weeks, but my partner (also the babys father) has been cheating all the way through our relationship but always seems to worm his way back in my good books. everytime i find out about him cheating he says and does things that make me feel bad. im also scared that he will find another girlfriend almost immediatly and i wouldent no how to cope if he did. his cheating isnt always sleeping around, its mostly texting and facebook messaging other girls. he has also sent picstures of himself naked to another girl, i found out this when she sent me the pictures and when i confronted him about this he said that the girl was a ake profile and thats why he did it. i didnt beleave him but it was the fact that i didn want to be without him that made me forgive him. and now just 2 days ago i found out that he has been texting yet another girl and i have had enough and want to leave him. but i am pregnant to his child and am scared of being a single mother. he is supportive of me and wants to stick by me with the baby. but he can be nasty at times. he has hit me on numerous occasions and through my pregnancy but he has said sorry after them and i forgive him. please help because i am at the end of my tether and dont know what else to do.
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 11:18 am
@chelseaxo,
Rolling Eyes
hawkeye10
 
  2  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 11:20 am
@chelseaxo,
Quote:
please help because i am at the end of my tether and dont know what else to do.
You need to develop a support group, and fast. Reach out to any and all family and friends, and see what services are offered in your area for young mothers.

You can not depend on this guy, dont plan on him sticking around. If he does great,but plan for the worst, and hope for the best.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 11:52 am
@chelseaxo,
Have you considered adoption? This man is not ready or willing to be your husband or the baby's father. You need to do what you must do to move on. Whether that means as a single parent or not is your call.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 11:53 am
@eoe,
eoe wrote:

Rolling Eyes

Ditto.
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  4  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 11:56 am
@chelseaxo,
Quote:
he is supportive of me and wants to stick by me with the baby.


No he's not. He's a selfish stupid Man-turd. His actions say he doesn't give a damn about you or his offspring. You'll be lucky if he doesn't give an STD. Go to family court to make sure he pays child support and change the locks on the doors. Hawkeye is correct about finding a support group. Women's shelters or Planned Parenthood can direct you to one. I know you are not going to listen to me, but I had to say it.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 12:47 pm
Pregnant at 16 and I think your boyfriend is probably around the same age.
You cannot expect much from him at that age and as others have suggested,
seek out a support system for yourself and your baby, otherwise you're both
in trouble if you have to rely on your boyfriend.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 12:56 pm
Please do this child a huge favor and give him/her up for adoption. Then run as far from this guy as possible. Then grow up a bit and make sure you don't get pregnant again to a guy who has not committed to you, which seems to be the case with this guy.

But if nothing else, give the child up and give him or her a fighting chance for a decent life.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 02:22 pm
@Green Witch,
Agreed - a supportive man does not cheat, does not send naked pictures to other girls, does not sextext others, does NOT HIT some one he loves. He sounds abusive.

Where are your parents? Are they helping? Like someone mentioned, adoption may be a good thing for your child. If you do not have parents that are helping you - as Green witch mentioned go to planned parenthood or another group in your area to help you.
0 Replies
 
Cycloptichorn
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 02:59 pm
Third vote for adoption and dumping of the idiot boyfriend.

Cycloptichorn
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 04:44 pm
@Cycloptichorn,
I agree with all those who suggest adoption as the wisest choice, not only for you, but for your baby.
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 05:03 pm
@ossobuco,
I don't. It's a last resort. Like some have said--get support. From other single mums for preference. They do quite well around here. In fact there are a few I know who have a very comfortable existence. It always hard in new surroundings. Chin up girl. The whole world loves a good Mum. You would get a free house here. And a lot of other things.

And love the baby--he might one day be a football star, or a Marine, if you look after him properly. I would swap him places any day of the week. Just wait till you see him smile.

Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 05:26 pm
@spendius,
I don't know what help is available in England for teenage mothers, but in America the social system shows little mercy. The majority of girls like this end up in grinding poverty, dead end jobs, abusive relationships and living in squalid neighborhoods that turn their children into dropouts, drug addicts and/or gang members. The court system will go after the father for child support, but father's like this just end up in our version of the Marshalsea when they can't pay. Few can rise above the odds that are set against them.
Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 05:35 pm
Take the baby and run. It will never get better so do not put yourself through this misery. He sounds shallow and insincere.
0 Replies
 
plainoldme
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 05:43 pm
@chelseaxo,
Give the baby up for adoption.

Change your name.

Move.

Go back to school.


Do not leave a forwarding address, phone number or email.
0 Replies
 
mommy2be1225
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Apr, 2010 07:11 pm
@chelseaxo,
do whats best for your baby . its not about you anymore sweetie your bringing a baby into the wrong just like i am , you got to think all about your baby think if you stay with him whats gonna happen when you have the baby , you should sit down with him and talk to him let him know how u feel and make him understand you two have a child together and its time to grow up . i know your afraid of being a single mother but people do it everyday , i cant say its easy because im not going thru this but everyone i know that has , has qotten through it it will take alot of stress off you if you just let him go if he cant change . i know i dont know you or anything its not really my business but i just wanted to let you know how i feel about it . i dont like seeing girls or anyone hurt because i know how it feels to have your heartbroken . if u need anything let me know sweetie -
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 02:46 am
@chelseaxo,
As I mention to all women in this position - Google 'cycle of domestic violence' (it's a lot to write).

As Hawkeye suggested, get a circle of support. Fear of doing it alone is keeping you in an unhealthy relationship. Taking one small step at a time can lead you to see that you can do it without him.

I wonder where your family is in all this?

As for whether he'll stick around - 10 years ago, studies showed that 90% of men who marry in their teens divorced within 10 years. I've little doubt (seeing as the world has become more complicated) that statistic is now even higher. Ie. Don't count on him to stick around, whatever you do.

The trick you'll find is, you've put yourself in a position where you'll have to grow up, fast...while he'll only be in that position by his choice (and whatever child support he may have to pay).

Do what is best for you, and your child (which by the way, may, or may not be, adoption). Good luck.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 03:30 am
@Green Witch,
The American Dream eh GW?

When it comes to motherhood we have our money where our mouth is.

But that's no help to Chelsea I know. She should talk to girls like mommy2.

Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 04:38 am
@spendius,
More like The American Conservative Dream. We run on the belief that people (even young ones) should suffer for their poor choice. I once heard someone describe the American social system as everyone is cruising along on a luxury liner, but if someone falls off we just throw them a small floatation device and tell them to keep swimming until they can get themselves back on the ship. They somehow think this makes our society stronger. It's the poison in the roots of our Puritan DNA.

Mommy2 PM'ed me, she's not much better off. She too is giving birth to the offspring of a Loser. I'm a big believer in the importance of fathers, but these women have picked men who are very unlikely to ever grow-up and embrace that role. I've seen too many of these cases to be optimistic.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 06:01 am
I can absolutely understand WHY you guys are saying it

but that is so damn brutal. Just telling someone Give up your baby! your gonna **** it up if you dont. You are not what is best for that baby. You cant do it.


jesus people.

As a mother who DID have a baby at 19 and DID choose to give her up, I have to tell you, sometimes it feels the equivalent to an abortion. It is an extreme choice with some emotional repercussions that no one can understand unless they do it themselves. You all seem to have a glamorous idea of a woman just being able to walk away from her baby and move on. Im here to tell you 10+ years later it is still the most painful choice I have ever made and NOT a decision to make lightly and definitely not the decision to make on the weight of strangers.

I know our poster is young and we all know young mothers are not stable enough to get everything done correctly, but that does not always mean she will be a horrible mother, or that she will damage that child beyond repair. To suggest that with the brutal statements of " give it up its best for the child" has some really harsh assumptions behind it.

Adoption is not easy and not just a simple solution. Get that out of your heads.
 

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