kinda weird to me

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about once every two years I get some kind of note from my father; I got a new one yesterday. Some 25 years ago my father bought a family cemetery plot (5 person) with a head-stone to match. Myself and my 2 brothers objected stated we had other plans. My closest brother died 10 years ago and as he was an aerospace engineer, his ashes were launched into sub-orbit, my remaining brother who is in San Diego was told by his doc that he has less than one week to live and he has made plans to have his ashes scattered. My own intentions are to have my ashes scattered from the Rio Grande bridge north of Taos.
Anyway, yesterday I get this note from my father yesterday with a photo of a grave-stone with the names of my father, mother, two brothers and myself with the dates of our birth and left blank a space for dates of our deaths.
It just seems eerie and weird to me.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 20 • Views: 1,686 • Replies: 36

If it were happening to me, I would simply not respond to him. But that's me. Would not presume to speak for you.

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@dyslexia,

eerire, weird, his own thing...

the newspaper is gonna print it, too.

so what.

hell, I might even make a plaque for you, and hang it next to my earnhart stuff...

don' worry 'bout it.

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@dyslexia,

What is weird is the fact that the names and birthdates are carved in the stone already. My mom and dad had a double stone. When he died, his stuff was carved on his side, with my mothers' side left blank until she died.

I agree that you should just ignore the entire thing.

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at least the death dates were blank, so it wasn't some kind of threat

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@Phoenix32890,

I've heard of this practice when the name of the person and birth year is already carved into the stone and all they have to do is carve in the year of death when it inevitably comes. But I thought they did that when the person the grave will be intended for is willing to be laid down in that particular grave spot. It doesn't seem that your father is trying all too hard to fix all of the family problems that are abound in order to have everyone willing to remain in this final resting place for eternity.

Then again I'm not the most observant individual so maybe I'm seeing it all wrong.

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@dyslexia,

Dys, babe, your father is not dealing with present reality.

This may even have been a reach-out from him in his way.

Back up from (totally reasonable - I'll never argue on that) resentment and give him room.

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@ossobuco,

It could also be seen as a strong patriarchal move to seize back control of the family.

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@dyslexia,

An olive branch… perhaps more than that, really: an admission of sorts, despite the presumption.

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@tsarstepan,

Personally, I think that he has a hell of a nerve, no matter what his intentions.
What a person does with his earthly remains is a very personal act, and I think that he is extremely presumptuous by attempting to foist his desires on other people.

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@tsarstepan,

I'll be bald, dys' father is proto patriarchal into absurdia, from my apprehension (I don't know, that is just what I see, have seen).

He must have been bright, to have those bright children.

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@Joeblow,

Hey. I read your posts dys. I guess I honed in on the Dad stuff because of that. I'm distressed for you about you brother's news. All of my siblings are living and I cannot imagine having to somehow manage the emotions of losing one of them and dealing with an estranged father, too. My heart goes out to you and to your family. All of them. Especially you.

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@Phoenix32890,

yeah, nail=head.

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@dyslexia,

I'm in a vaguely similar situation, Dys. Very vaguely.

OK. My father bought a four-person cemetary lot quite a number of years ago. It was, supposedly, for himself, for mom, and for me. I was an only child and have no sibs. So the fourth grave site would probably be for my spouse. Thing is, my mom died and a few years later dad died. I now own this site at the Gethsemane Cemetary in West Roxbury, Massachusetts, where my parents are buried. My wife and I live in Hawaii, about 6,000 miles from the gravesite. And we both have expressed a wish to be cremated. What is done with the ashes afterward is immaterial to me as it is, I believe, to Sglass.

I have no intention of doing anything at all about that plot of land. Let it lie fallow.

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@dyslexia,

Almost no one has disliked your father more than I and a few others of us, dys, except you who have personal rage . But he sent you a note. He apparently wangled sending you the watch that was already yours.

Can you not conceive of him as not being entirely mentally well for all of your lives?

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@Merry Andrew,

Can you lease the two vacant/unused lots out like a condominium to some homeless yuppie?

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@ossobuco,

On your brother, so hard, love to him and to you.

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couple after-thoughts. our father was notified of my brothers condition 2 months ago, no response, my other brother died 10 years ago (no date on the stone) san diego brother has not allowed father in his home of 25 years, brother who died had the hospital where he died disallow father from visiting. this is all a culmination of a life-time.
seeing the photo he took ( 8 x 10 ) of the head-stone just struck me as totally bizarre.

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@dyslexia,

We didn't have that context, did we?

You all don't talk. Or does he?
Maybe your father is doing a my will be done thing...

People zero in on what is occupying them, as you know, dys.

I know that sounds cold - but he was occupied with that stone image.

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@ossobuco,

Or maybe he was reaching.

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kinda weird to me

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